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change yourself Confidence success

Self esteem activities that makes a difference in life

Self esteem activities

A  young man with a deep sense of self and high ego but with deep fear of living came to my office . He looked smart and  confident until he spoke.

I stood there in front of him trying to understand him with his fluctuating feelings. With in few minutes we were on our way to figure out his issues and we devised self esteem activities that he should follow the next few  days to become confident.

Here are the 6 self esteem activities that you also can use in your life.

1-Figuring out what makes the fear.

Our fears are products of our minds. These are very different from one person to another. A fear of talking to others is very jock for some and a huge problem for others. You should be able to know what makes you tick and what takes away your pride and confidence. Write them down on a paper and even write a short note on what takes your self esteem away and when.

self esteem activities: Spend time learning about your issue. If you have a problem of expressing yourself, study how to express yourself. Or join a drama club. If you have fear of crowed, why not practice doing that?

2-Learn your purpose

Fear comes from lack vision. If you don’t have the road map for your life, then you don’t know if you are lost. Lack of knowledge makes you start to tremble for fear of the unknown. Imagine crossing a river and you only have an hour before the storm. Now would you keep rowing to your destiny or you keep wasting your time thinking what others are thinking of you? Do you think what others think of you would make a difference in your life on the boat? NO! It doesn’t. what matters is you have a goal and limited time and you should get there as soon.
People without purpose, therefore, struggle a lot.
When you have a lot to lose in life, then you stop caring about what is irrelevant. That should be why people with family are more with decisive and focused than the single.

self esteem activities: Find your purpose

 

3-Affirm your self

Self-affirmation seems not a working exercise. The challenge is most people won’t go through the exercises and quit prematurely. Somethings are hard to change in short time. They say a single negative opinion needs 20  positive opinions to cancel out. We also tend to remember the negative more than the positive.

When you affirm yourself that you can, then you are cancelling out the negative you already have. And you need a lot of it for it to work. Continue doing it no matter what the results are.

self esteem activities: affirm yourself.

4-Do what others are not willing to do

Why not wake up at 5 and finish the day’s work or exercise or cook or do something that makes you better than the majority. An sales man once said he(like a paranoid) woke up early every morning to take fresh air before others take it.

Why not have a different habit that you never had. I call it breaking a pattern. Change of habit needs disrupting the current activity.

Months before, I planned a change change in my life and then I changed things I do on daytime. I changed where I stay and with whom I stayed. And guess what it was hard. I had to struggle not to return to my past activities. People were questioning my disappearance from past places. But I insisted and stayed away. And it worked. I made a new habit. And with that I was a better person.

self esteem activities: change pattern.  

5-Get you head up

Years before I was a shy boy. I used to avoid walking among a crowed even among friends. And one day I wanted to stop that feeling and to become confident once again. And that morning, I went to class with sandals. That was hard decision. People noticed, some laughed that I did something new. And I didn’t care. At least I forced myself away from caring. I started holding my head high and walking slowly between crowed. Each time I did that, I was better. I was building confidence. And weeks after I got myself doing the same but without fear and over thinking.

What can you do to lose your deepest fear? Is that as easy as holding your head up?

self esteem activities: get your head up(free)

6-Express your weakness before others do

Last time I was on a  date, and before any issue of who is paying was raised, I jumped in to conversation frankly saying that I didn’t bring any money for dinner except few dollars for tea. And we laughed probably without her knowing that I was telling the truth. And that happened. We had tea and water for few dollars and we walked around and I drove her home. We had a great time. What if I hadn’t told her about money until the bill appeared? Who knows?

 

You should learn to express your weakness right before it is raised by others.

Years before I told a friend that he could fight his inability of expressing feeling by reflecting opinions on his partner. I told him to say to her ‘’ I am not good at expressing feeling, you will probably teach me that’’ and it worked for him. His partner was dying to teach him to do that. And that was beautiful. Don’t be afraid to tell your strength and your weakness upfront when it is necessary.

self esteem activities: tell your weakness as story.

I hope these tips give you an idea and challenge to grow in your life with out fear. Confidence is also an excersise. It takes time to have unshaking esteem.

Good luck.

 

 

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Confidence stress success

The advantage of high self esteem in the competitive world

High self esteem

high self-esteemThey say success is about self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem has better access to resources, gets a fast raise at job, gets a partner faster and more.

1-Life is about making the point across

We had to learn the hard way that the world is about making the point across rather than the point itself.

You probably have noticed people with high self-esteem have grossed every benefit that exists and they don’t apologise for taking it all. They seem to claim that the world is theirs and we all are their supporters and family. They represent us and fight our wars in life.  And they get all the position possible.

2-They get the best in life

A small guy from the Latin America once talked to me about his girlfriend. He even showed me their pictures(with him, making out or hugging in bed.) He seems to talk about her but the subject of the talk ends with him. His  confidence made the story about him, and how lucky she was to meet a great guy like him. She was in fact beautiful, smart and even taller than he is. Her smile was so sincere that everyone liked her. But the story was about him not her.

You only get what is best by displaying high self-esteem where no one can compete with you.

How to gain high self confidence faster

3-people will follow you

Leaders display high self-esteem that impress others. High self-esteem is discouraged in the world until proven to pass the social challenge bar. In fact, every positive action is condemned or ignored in the world. If you believe the action as a norm, you will lose. The reality is that Leaders are confident, at least they have assistants with the confidence that themselves lack.

People follow those who dare to lead. We are lost soul waiting to be lead. Notice in group works, who is making decisions, who leads discussions. You will soon understand how they don’t fear the group and how they fight to lead. They are usually not starter or not better looking but they don’t care, they are confident.

4-You are unique

In the world where everyone is learning about their flaws more then their strength, having high self-esteem is a news. That’s why we are amazed when we see a strong person defending egoistic journalists on TV or in parliament or when a woman acts bizarre on shows.

No one does that any more except few. We are drowned in our own life gale or we are too scared of being on the spot light.  Can you associate your name to something and be proud that you did? That is necessary.

People we celebrate are not unique or lucky. Some of them could be. Most have gained the position with work. No matter they tried to get in the position they are in, it would not without work and high self-esteem.

5-The future is with those who take it

The future is the result of continuous decisions. The fearful stays in the shell when the high self-esteem comes out to fight. When you have high self-esteem, you are not afraid of tomorrow or how every event turns out to be. You know no matter what, you will get there. You will win. And you will work for it.

TO be successful in life, first learn to have self-esteem. That makes a difference.

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change yourself Confidence success

Self-image: The guide on how to create a grand self-image

What is Self-image image and why does it matter?

Self-image is a mental picture of the self. It is the image you make of yourself in your mind. It is the set of ideas you have about your own qualities and abilities. You make your image based on your experience, your environment and even through other’s opinion of you. The collective opinion of yourself is a Self-image.

Your self-image is created when you think of your appearance, your carrier, your position in the society or even your worth.

Your Self-image is made of your strength and your weakness and your perception of it. When a person has a low Self-image, then they tend to get shy or even depressed, hiding away from public. They try to change their appearance by changing everything that they don’t like.  Low Self-image is a source of problems in a person’s life since it creates sense of unworthiness in life. With it lack of success and depression become daily part of life.

On the other hand, too much of Self-image could be expressed through narcissism. Narcissism is too much ego that makes a person think that they are above everyone and everything is possible for them. This also is a problem since it creates a social chaos.

What is a healthy Self-image?

Healthy self-image is a balanced image. It is based on real world experience. It does not create pseudo impression of self-based on one’s fears or other’s opinion, but on cautiously identified image of the self. The negative Self-image create a negative self-perception that is based on critical judgement of the self. This judgement takes the negative side and is based on past failure, level of achievement, or income levels or education levels and it manifests on a single negative side.

People with poor Self-image constantly try to prove themselves in every situation and they fear how the society would react to their weakness. They became defensive and lonely trying to cover their flaws.

Others have overly inflated image that is larger than life. They consider others to be a chaos and destruction when they are the only angels in the world. These could be successful people but with stingy character that push everyone away.

Having a balanced Self-image is necessary to live a harmonious life.

How healthy Self-image is expressed

1-Positive outlook on life

Optimism and hope govern a good life. Hopeful person has a positive outlook on life. This is what makes the world to progresses regardless of the reality. It is unfair for a person to have a complete negative outlook on life. Having hope is part of healthy life. If you have a healthy image of yourself, you don’t fear tomorrow. You know you can do and become better in life. You are not caught up in the challenges the world poses. You know you can do it and you do it. You don’t blame yourself for failures. You don’t criticise yourself until you become depressed.

2-Balanced image of the self

You are not a perfect being. Nobody is. A person with a balanced Self-image celebrates the success and accepts the loss. People with these Self-image accept their flaws and see how they can improve it. They recognise opportunities to create a better self-image.

3-Healthy Self-image does not misunderstand the idea of self-worth

or the person’s importance in the society. Your self-worth is not defined by your success and failures, but with your potential and what you can offer to the world. You have high self-worth since you are a human being and you are capable of change. Your self-image should not affect your self-worth. This is what leads many people to idea of suicide. You should not judge your self-worth by what your life looks like today.

self worth_self image_img

How can I create healthy Self-image?

As discussed above, self-image is a creation of the mind. It is the perception of the mind about oneself. This means you created that self-image regardless of the physical reality of it. This is means you can shape your self-image even though the physical reality stays same.

I know a story of woman who had surgery more than once to remove her long nose. In reality, her nose was so small that the doctor didn’t want to do the surgery on her. Even after half of her nose is gone in the first surgery, she wanted to go through the knife for the second time and for the third time.

Everything is in the mind.

Here are 3 steps create a healthy Self-image.

Ask three questions: what is my self-image; how do I think of myself; What challenges do I have that makes me despair. In order to answer the question, what you have to do is to list what comes to the mind.

  • Do you think you have a healthy Self-image? If yes, why?
  • when is the last time you blamed yourself for a long time so that you mind create that picture of you?
  • Has anyone told you that you are not worthy of their time.
  • Has anyone cheated on you? How does that affect in your life in your work life? write it as exhaustive as possible.

Summarise your ideas and see what kind of image you created for yourself. Is is the exaggerated or the poor self-image? Understand your self through your current perception. In order to change your ways, you first have to understand them.

Now, create a strong and clear Self-image that reflects your self-worth and strengths.  Don’t emphasise on the negative. You might have bad temper or you might be 30 pounds overweight. Luckily these are easily changed if you are willing to work on them. The only problem here is your cooperation and enthusiasm. If that is possible, why the need to create a poor self image.

Instead write a statement of your healthy Self-image. “I am beautiful,currently 30 pounds overweight but that does not define who I am or my self-worth. I will work out 5 days a week to lose 30 pounds with in the next 6 months. I want to do that since it is affecting my self-image.”

Then get dirty with work. Trying to change your self-image based on imagination or affirmation is like believing it is not snowing when the outside is white as a paper. Instead, try to change your story. Get education if you are affected with lack of education. Go hit that gym if your Self-image is affected by it. Go make friends if you are loner and your feel bad for yourself. Try as much as you can. And your will be OK.

Finally, self-image is a mental construction of the self. Everything of Self-image is inside the mind. Since there is not a perfect measure of Self-image, it is possible to misjudge Self-image. To become healthy human being, one should have a balanced self-image. Without it life becomes stressed and boring. Then get up and follow the article in to action.

Tell me, what did you learn from this. What is your self-image?

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change yourself Confidence success

How to overcome low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a problem that many of my readers share. We all had that time that we were self-conscious and with low sell-esteem. That is no problem as we are imperfect beings. The problem is when the issue of low self-esteem becomes a lifestyle. It is to be though of when low self-esteem makes us a slave of its own and we fear and sweat on daily situation. This includes, how we respond on social situations: fear of speech, fear of holding a conversation, fear of rejection,fear of the unknown fear of tomorrow. These are some of the fears that are reflected through low self-esteem.

Don’t believe when other sources tell you that you have low self-esteem when in reality that you are uninterested of a specific social situation or when you are afraid of speaking on your next meeting. This is normal. Everyone, until educated otherwise, have been through that.

This article is not for that kind of situation. This is for those who believe that they have a constant challenge of expressing themselves because of fear of the unknown.

People with low self-esteem have that avoidance and shadow character where they are invisible in the crowed even if they are the mind behind the whole thing. Their work is unrecognised since their low self-esteem push them to hide it for fearing the response.

If you truly believe you have low-self-esteem issue than I write six points on how to overcome low self-esteem.

1-First, is education.

Knowledge through reading and learning is worth solving a challenge. If you read this then you have more probability to figure out how to respond to your challenges. Leaders and strong people out there have a history of reading or gaining constant relevant knowledge that gives them the advantage to standout in life. If you look closely , there are thousands and thousands of materials out there on every topic. what you have to do it to read and learn.

John was fearful when in social situations, especially in dating. when ever his dating time gets closer, the gets deep in to mind freeze. he sits there clicking the mouse on his PC , with no progress. His life was this way till one day we discussed about his issue. I suggested him to read three books and a recorded seminar on dating. His doubt was obvious until i met him again after six months. for my surprise , he was bold, knowledgeable and he was out of his box, already.

2-Avoid perfection

perfection is a mood killer. Acting perfect all the time is boring. For me, times I tend to be perfect were times that took all my energy and left me helpless. And at the end I learn everything I did could be done another way. And all these tiny things that I picked are unnoticed. This left me on the air. I feel I have no power to defend myself of the comments. The criticism against the time I spent on the work could not be equivalent. This created a defensive character. And as you know defensive people struggle with lose self-esteem. To overcome low self-esteem, you have to learn to let go. You have to agree with your imperfect part. You should be willing to fail. It does not matter after all.

3-Be vulnerable.

This is cliché, I know. But how many people you know are vulnerable enough for you to see inside their heart. Too much of vulnerability is weakness. But when you are able to let go of yourself and express yourself, there the magic starts.

People are begging to see inside you all the time. They need you to speak your mind. Everyone one is waiting for someone else with the character to intervene and save the day. How to overcome low self-esteem starts with being open of your ideas.

People always argue with you at first when they hear your opinions. But later your ideas and actions become a norm. Every worth idea has been argued with. If you keep your ideas to your self, they will die with you. But if you let it out, then you will see their strength and weakness and the is beautiful. To overcome your low self-esteem, practice to be open and vulnerable all the time.

4-Change your lifestyle.

Days before, I met a woman who had a bad body Oder. She was constantly telling me how other guys are not attracted to her. I could clearly read her despair on her. She said, ”I am beautiful, why is everyone avoiding me? Why are they mocking me?”

You don’t know yourself like others could tell you, sometimes. You have to be vigilant enough to see who you are and how you act. A slight of mistake could give you a different image. What is your life style? Visit a doctor for a general check-up or change your cloths, change your style. Low self-esteem is usually a result of a subconscious reflection of unidentified conscious reality. Avoid illegal scenarios in life, they say, ”a monkey with a fart can’t jump since others would laugh on her.” Then to remove the fart, remove the source first, then your will be OK.

5, Break the immoral.

This is not religious text. But all we have that moral code in life. At the same time, we have worries and regrets. To overcome self-confident, remove all these immoral things that gives your mind a work. This could be pornographic contents, bad habits, drugs. These are usually unacceptable for the sane in the society. And living with these give you a hard time to be true to yourself. To overcome your low self-esteem, remove these things that makes you regret. When you meet life with clear mind and clean conscious , you will act with self esteem.

Continue reading how to improve self-confidence: 5 secrets to improve self-confidence . That post will teach you how to overcome low self-esteem with detain steps and actions. Before going there, please be true to yourself and do the homework you read on this post. Read books, watch seminars, and try to be vulnerable even if you are to blame. Change your day by changing your life style and change your environments. Identify problems you have against the five pointers and list them and figure out with to do with them.

 

 

 

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change yourself Confidence

How to improve self-confidence: 5 secrets to improve self-confidence

how to improve self-confidence

Self-confidence is a skill. It is something to be practised to be attained. It does not come for free. Even a son of a worrier can become the weakest of the nation. DNA does not guarantee braveness. You only be brave when you want to be one.  Many authors and scientists talked about how to improve self-confidence. But most of them are associated with abstract spiritual and cult like rituals. In order to become confident, one have to realise, just like another skills, self-confidence has a process. It has As and Bs to be counted before getting to the next. There fore; unlike the cult of imagining your self being confident, you need to do some work before achieving the end result.

Here are 5 ways on how to improve self-confidence.

1-Jumping in to the fire.

If you want to learn about fire, the best way is to touch it. This is how the kid learn about its effects;by touching. Such skills don’t come with only reading but by doing. A swimmer has to be in the water to learn to swim. No matter how much they study, they won’t swim in water.

If you want to improve your self-confidence, stop reading further. The only thing you should do is do.

List things that makes you doubt your power and go out and do them. The miracle of practice is it gets you out of your zone and slay you alive, if you don’t dare to stand your ground. Your self-confidence is not examined with your knowledge but with your ability to apply the knowledge.

Now stop for a moment and list your weaknesses when it comes to your self-confidence. Prepare a table or use the table below and fill them as fast as you can. If you can’t identify your weakness, it Is ok. Just remember when was the last time you were conscious of yourself or fearful?  Note how you felt. What did you do unconsciously?

When am I less confident When was I less confident last time
 1  1
 2  2
 3  3

Now this is the secret. Listing your fear and insecurity is only the half of the job.  List your goal and be realistic. Write “in three month, I will date 5 potential mates and choose the best one for me. For this I will go to weekly party at the neighbourhood. Besides I will read the three books I have (name them) on dating.”s  Then go and do it. That is, it. Just jump in to the pool but with safety on.

2-Live with the eagle.

They say an eagle who lives among the hen is hen. No more. You will only understand that when you find strong people who have realised their power. If you live with the victim, you will soon assume to be the victim. Your level of power is assumed to be averaged between the five closer friends you have. If they are losers then you are too. Think, where do you spent your time? What have you done today. How to improve self-confidence is answered here with demanding to change your environment. Write below, where do you spent your time? With whom you spent your time? What is their achievement? Are they better than you are in any way? What talent do they have that you don’t have? And what talent do you have that they have? Do they align with your purpose? Change your life changing your habits

My friends and their achievement Where I spent my time My feelings about how I spent my time
 1  1  1
 2  2  2
 3  3  3

On the third column, conclude your feelings and your thoughts. Your self-confidence is improved by understanding the effect of your surrounding on you. Without you isolating yourself from the weak and the victim, you can’t become confident. Start improving yourself by separating yourself from the group.

 how to improve self-confidence

3-Be socially fit.

How to improve self-confidence could be tackled from the social perspective. After all, we all are conscious of our interaction with the society. Criticisms happen when what we have and the society’s assumption of what we should have diverges. To improve self-confidence, you don’t have to become the knowledge of the society. But you should at least fulfil some of the moral and cultural dogmas that we want to see in others.

One is being fit. You might hate me for it. But it is true. You happen to be more insecure when you are overweight than when you are fit. You have self-confidence when you have studied for the exam than when you have spent your time smoking weed. That is the difference. When you know that you know, you are confident. Learn to dress clean. Be clean. Take shower as much as you can. Become neat. Learn to talk clear and precise. Have good friends.

It is through the process you become more confident. Learn what made you less confident last time and try to change that. People worry about how to improve self-confidence when the real source of the problem is their social awkwardness. You should learn social skill and develop your emotional intelligence. At the same time don’t lose your balls playing with acat, it might not be returned to you in one piece as you have thrown it. Learn to be careful not to lose you self in the tide.

4-Don’t give a crap.

To improve self-confidence, learn not to worry of what others think of your actions. After all the world has its own hidden agenda and ambitions. Do you remember the donkey story from Asia? Here it goes. A farmer goes to the market with his son and his donkey. While arriving onto the next town, they hear people whispering ‘’they are stupid, they have a donkey but they are walking in the hot sun’’. When they entered the next town they sit on the donkey. The people said one another ‘’they are cruel, they are killing the donkey’’. And before entering the next town, they carried the donkey on their heads. And the people were surprised and said ‘’they are crazy, they are carrying a donkey’’. The father said to the child, ‘’ child, you can’t satisfy everyone, just do what you want to do.’’

The moral of the story is whatever you do people find a hole in your integrity. They will criticise you. They will make you doubt yourself and your stand. You start doubting yourself and you stop being you. If you care about the world much, then you won’t go far. The way how to improve self-confidence is to learn that the world has its views and you can’t be everything. Just be you. And practice to be you. Speak out your mind any time. If you don’t like the meeting to happen, take a calculated risk and advise them with all your guts to stop the meeting. That is all it takes. If you see a kid beaten up, don’t pity him and pass. Go and stop it.If you have something to say, don’t sit there until others mumble their non-sense answers. Raise your hand and say it. Everything is OK and will be OK.

5-Affirm yourself.

What are you? You say “I am confidence person.” It is hard to say I am confident when your heart doubt that. Psychologists say , majority of our thoughts are negative. That is crazy. Almost 70 percent of what you think is negative. And what parents, the environment say about us is mostly negative. And to replace that negative, they say, you have to speak 9 times positive words. It is a lot of work since you have been told thousands of negative statements. What words have your parents or your friends have said to you that stuck in your mind for long? If know it, write it down in your note book. Write the whole story. Write how it affected you. How it affected your decision in life. How to improve self-confidence depends on admitting your weakness and how they took advantage of it to improve you without realising they are harming you. After that shape few statements that you can say to yourself. If you have been told that you are stupid at school and that is making you doubt your confidence, then write your positive counter statement saying “”I am smart, I am genius.” Whenever your mind is caught in the trap, stop your mind, pull it back to present and say. ’I am smart, I am genius, I work hard an improve my confidence.’’

how to improve self-confidence is only answered with work and developing it as a skill. People usually say how to improve self-confidence has a solution only through constant attraction through mind and imagination.In reality even faith with out work is nothing.  How improve self confidence needs a constant work. Don’t despair with one night work work. After all you learn how to improve self-confidence through practice, believe and through admitting your weakness.

Comment below , what is one thing you have taken from this article?

 

 

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change yourself Confidence goals Lifestyle

The guide to understand and solve self-esteem issues

What are self-esteem issues

Besides our pretentious social rituals, most of us fight with self-esteem issues. The story is everywhere. It is in our neighbourhood, it is in our city. The father who struggles to cop up with the son’s masculinity; the husband who have self-esteem issues in bed with his wife; A girl friend who have self-esteem issues figuring out whether he is the one; a girl who has self-esteem issues with her body size and image.

The self-esteem issues are everywhere; we all have them. We are conscious of self and we tend to criticise a lot of our self. We don’t like out circular face; we hate how that dress fits us. We are not sure of how the other guy takes out speech of the night. This is a self-esteem war. It is between the mind and the body. It is between the conscious and the world. It is a war of the unseen : it is the war of the mind.

self-esteem issues

The source of self-esteem issues

It is said the population is getting less with less self-esteem especially after world war 2, after the distribution of the media. The world knew what is trend, what is hip and what is good and what is bad. The beauty of the actress in the black and white screen mattered not only for the women but also for the men. The women still compere themselves with the beauty of the screen under the make ups. The men compere their women with the screen and doubt their choice. The measure of beauty became confused with the ideal and the creation of the mind. You see the better beauty made with plastic. The perfect models with Botox and inflated chests became the wish of the teen. ”When I grow up I need to be a woman with these breasts.” That is the voice of the generation.

The new advertisements create a Utopian world with confused message. The hair lotion is advertised with long haired women form east Europe who have never seen the product minutes before the shoot. As the ‘norm is boring’, exaggeration is the reality of the TV. Nothing is real. But this creates self-esteem issues with in the youth and even the adult.

If you grow up watching these shows and movies, you start doubting yourself. The perfect images will haunt you. You judge the girls you meet with the actresses. You love Halley berry skin colour and your white girl friend should look tanned like her. His eyes should look like tom cruise.

I recently met this girl who was attracted to me. We went out for a day or two and I was attracted to her as well before I figured out her self-esteem issues. Under the confident demeanour and her pretty look she was broken. She talks about relationship but only to fulfil her broken heart; talks of future life but from money side only ; needs her guy to have a big house and great cars. and take care of her. She was absent in the mind and she is living somewhere else, daydreaming. She is living like 18 when she is 28.

I judged her in my mind, noticing her flaws once I got closer to her. I was willing to let everything go to accept her. But self-esteem issues were everywhere creating hurdles on the way. Her body, her age, her wish and the reality created a new persona in her. She pretends to live when she is supposed to live.

How to know you have self-esteem issues

You know you have self-esteem issues when your reality and your thought gets confused. You need to go to the party but you have the issue with your looks and you spent 65 hours choosing dress, you lip gloss and your out fits. But seconds before your lift arrives, you stand in front of the mirror thinking “why am I so fat?”

Your lack of competence in life makes you a bully but you even don’t notice it. You make the smart ones suffer and you keep doing it because it gave you a sense of purpose.

Your outcast persona made you a victim. To escape the reality, you spent the day watching TV and listening to music. You don’t want your mind to be on the present since it is so critical and it depresses you. You want to escape your stress but it gets more when you think about it.

You can’t pass in front of others without getting nervous. You don’t answer questions and you don’t engage in meeting forfearing what other will say. You sit at the corner and watch when these less IQ people arguing without a point. You have a better idea but you can’t say it.

You have to go to your child’s theatre class but you have a job to do. You at least created one. You don’t to be in front of these parents who are judgemental.

This is a reality. Many people have these self-esteem issues.

How to solve self-esteem issues

The scientists classify fear and self-esteem issues as a consequence. These are the result of two areas of life: the psychological or lack of knowledge. For example, 78 percent of Australians has fear of driving.

When you want to go on a date and you notice you have self-esteem issues, it might be due to psychological part of you that is you might have traumatic experience or you have noticed somebody get shut down; you have developed a fear for intimacy or your source of comparison are your parents broken marriage.

On the other hand, you might have noticed the self-esteem issues because of lack of knowledge. You don’t know what to do next. You don’t have clue of what the girl needs or even what every woman needs.

On the first case, treating psychological case is harder. If you think your problem is psychological, consult physician. That is the shortest cut to solution. If not try to build up your confidence from the way up. Re-imagine yourself in a different way. Break your daily pattern, change the place you live in. Pick a new habit and a new friend.

If your problem is in the second one, then all we have passed in it. This is lack of information. You just have to realize you have less knowledge in the matter and get ready to gain more knowledge. Read books, watch movies, meet people, go on the field and try. After a failure is experience.

In my opinion, you should be able to create a new lifestyle that does not engage these pseudo looks and fake models in it. See people for what they are not for what they look like. Don’t be wrong here, don’t stop judging people. Discriminate one. It is only though this you can become better. But don’t judge people based on how tall they are or with their accent.

Six points to over come low self esteem 

On the other hand, stop comparing yourself with others. Don’t have ideal references that you can’t attain, although that could be good at times. Be true to yourself. Love yourself for who you are. If you have bleached skin, then darken it or love it. If you are created one legged, what can you do, you can’t make another foot. Then love that. Share that story. Forget others and their irrelevant opinions.

People spend time worrying about how people think of them. I had worried of failing for fearing how people would see me for it. I spent times thinking that instead of worrying about what i would lose through failing.

I recently watched a video on you tube where group of people are interviewed on what they think about themselves and on the other room others are asked about what they think of the person being interviewed.

The results were surprising. All of them had some critics when they talk about themselves. “This chin”, said the tall Asian guy. “I don’t like my body size” said the Caucasian girl with great smiles. This is the best part. The people on the other side said everything good aboput others. “His smile is good with that chick”, said the black girl. “He is tall” the other said. When the result was disclosed , everyone was surprised.

We tend to be hard on our self than on others. We accept others with ease but we don’t like our long nose or big eyes. That create self-esteem issues. Gary Veynerchuk talk about “finished product” were people compare themselves with the perfect image of others. A young basketball player can’t quit thinking he is can’t jump like Jordan. Because Jordan for him should his a goal not a discouragement.  Second, as the world is pretentious, what you see on others is the surface. That is majorly not real. What you know about your problems is usually real.  How can you compare yourself with others on that basis? That is unfair.

self-esteem issues raised from comparing oneself with others and with the abstract ambitions. To gain self-confidence again, you should start to be real to yourself. Respect your opinions, and never worry about what other say about you. Become the actor or the actress yourself. Set a standard. And live the life you want. Then your self-esteem issues will burn out instead.

7 simple but powerful steps to improve self confidence

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Confidence success

6 confidence boosters when you feel low on your self esteem

Confidence is like an emotion, one time it is there and other times you can’t find it nowhere. Sometimes you might find that boost and return into your zone again.

Here I will give you 6 confidence boosters that I learnt thought out the years. Make sure to read all before scanning over and leaving to another page.

Here are six confidence boosters you can take and use today.

1-The world pretends.

Recently I read a small article on image social media filter functionality and how people manipulate image in order to look perfect. The world around you is pretentious. What you see is the illusion of the ideal. You don’t find a perfect skin that you see on magazines. You usually don’t find the perfect interviews like that you watch on TV. These are improvised. People take the best of them and put it as if their entire life is that perfect. Whenever you notice such a thing, try to see what lays underneath. How is the person acting and what are they trying to portray their images? Instead of being destructed with the body nude or the recent fashion , think what are they trying to hide or show or to divert you from. The world always pretends this way.

The number one confidence booster is to notice the world in its flaws. What looks perfect usually has a big flaw hidden in plain sight.

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2-Don’t think a lot.

Thinking is celebrated while the majority avoids it. The biggest difference between those who do and those who think is the achievement. Remember, when you grow on the ladder, you tend to think more than doing. You pass risks since they are much worse than the once that you see on the side walk.

But in reality, most social situations don’t have much risk unless you become ignorant. You don’t die saying “no” to your boss. But your ancestors died resisting leader’s thoughts. That does not happen today. Then why are you afraid?

The second secret of confidence boosting is to just do. You have something to say, just say it.

If you want to stand up and leave, don’t ask for permission unless it is necessarily needed.

You don’t like what you do, find another thing to do.

Don’t think just do.

Refer the 5 second rule. The rule goes like this what you do with in five seconds of your first thought, then you will definitely do it. If you keep asking your self “should I do it. Should I wake up form bed now…?”,then you won’t.

3-Confidence is an illusion.

It is all in the mind. When you think the day is boring, it is not the day that is boring, it is all in the mind. The same day is bright for others.

There is a story of a man who lost his job and whose wife left him on same day. In the middle of his depression, he received a call from parents that he had won a lottery. His sadness suddenly vanished. He jumped up and drove miles away to his parents’ house to only find out that they were only lying to comfort him. Human emotion is only on the surface. If you can change a deep depression with in a second and with one single news, then why can’t you be confident with choice.

The third of confidence boosters is to know confidence is an illusion, you can be confident by choice.

4-Change the spotlight position.

Another metaphor of confidence is a spotlight. An author explains becoming confident again by focusing the spot light back to others. When you are on the spot, you think every one’s attention is on you. Then you fear. But when you turn everyone’s spot light to themselves then you see them into the light. When you meet others and when you are nervous, they are nervous too. They have spent hours choosing that cloth like you did.

Next time, when you are on the spot, learn to change the spotlight direction onto others and see that no one is perfect.

The forth confidence boosters is to learn to see others with same spot light that they are looking at you. There is a reason for why you are on the stage and they are on the floor.

5-Get prepared.

If you are like the majority, you think of your presentation a day before the day. Prepared mind is more confident. If you know you have some problem on your dress, then you lose self-esteem. The secret is to be prepared. Be neat, tidy, and fluent in the day and it will be OK

The fifth secret of confidence booster is to be prepared days before the day. If you have low self-esteem, you should be doing this. Don’t act like self-confident people who prepare their notes on the corridor to the presentation or to the meeting. Know your level and get prepared.

6-Experience.

Experience beats skill. When you know the north and the south of the issue at hand you know what to expect. The things that terrify me years before at work no more terrify me today since I learn the possible outcomes on the way. Low self-confidence is associated with lack of experience. The sixth confidence boosters is to go out and grind. Don’t sit and read how to be confident or how to do what. Go out and look, interact and learn from it.

Years before I had to cold-call people for a business. I was terrified, sitting long hours thinking and practising what to say. Unfortunately, as soon as the person on the other end picks up the phone,  my practice is all forgotten and I interact based on their emotion and energy. Later after few calls I learnt to become better. and I had better results on each call no matter how they responded.

What do you think? comment below. which do you find useful?

 

 

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Confidence Lifestyle Purpose success

How to build confidence: 10 tips build your self confidence fast

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How to build confidence

Confidence is everything in this cruelly competitive world. Confidence is considered as the top must haves in order to be successful in life. Because it is confidence that asks the girl out; it is confidence that pitch ideas to the board; it is confidence that walks among the sheep like a lion. And one who has it has it all.

If confidence is necessary, then, how can I build confidence?

Like other issues, how to build confidence has no clear and distinct formula. All it takes is to do things repetitively until the subconscious picks it. I shared same story years before my 20s. I noticed my less self-confidence hanging around with its own unique mark. I was fearful to walk across group of people and I avoid meeting people on street. The day I decided to change that reality, i went straight into action. I intentionally wear unique cloths and sandals and slowly walk next of group of people. I practived to hold eye contact and give greetings. It was hard at first but guess what I did it. I found myself walking among a lot of people without fear anymore.

Hot to build confidence:Here are 10 things you should practice to build confidence.

1-Know that only you can build your confidence.

Years after life of dependency on parents , most still learn to depend on someone both emotionally and financially. You are the best person, if not the only, to change yourself. Unless you take control the ship, you can’t blame others for the consequence. Just stand up and declare that you are the controller of your destiny and your days even though things don’t look right. This starts with figuring out how to build confidence. You are on the right track.

2-Belief and hope does not cut the grass.

The landscape becomes beautiful with action. You should be able to stand up and do something about our problems. Instead of thinking, planning, you should teach yourself to get in to action as fast. Thinking big is good but even doing small is better. For you to build confidence, you should do what is discussed here. Only reading it for the sake of information without action is useless.

3-Break the pattern.

Before doing any further, learn to break the daily routine in life. Without changing the environment, it is impossible to change self. This is why addicts need treatment. Before any professional help they repeatedly fail to commit to their word. This is because the environment that they are in drags them back. To get a great change you should break your routine.

Use the table below or make yourself one and write things you do every day that makes you lose confidence. On the other column in the table below list when you felt less confidence last time. What were you doing at the time.

Things I do that I am ashamed of(publicly or privately) I felt less confident last time when I did…
 1.  1.
 2.  2.
 3.  3.

After filling the table, you will soon understand how to engineer your days out of the routine. If you are ashamed of being lazy for 8 hours a day while you are supposed to get out there and work, then you should change that habit. It is as simple as that. Don’t over think. Think how your day looks like and aggressively change that. Don’t you like where you live? Then change your living area at least for a month. Are you dependent your mother? Then why don’t you go away from her for a while? This will teach you a lesson. This is the secret of how to build confidence.

4-practice is overlooked.

Confidence is a skill as painting or speaking are. To be confidence you should practice confidence. Imagine things that makes a person confident. And act that way. Gandhi said, “be the change that you want to see in the world.” You don’t grow to be the change, be the change now. Everything starts now. In the middle of your pretentious acts, your deeds become reality. Get up now and stand erect. Throw your shoulders to the back as if they are stretched from the back. open your legs a bit wider when you stand and smile in U shape stretching your lips and showing your tooth. Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror without flinching. Practice these acts again and again both in front of the mirror and in front of others.

5-Stay away from less confidence people.

Bad character is contagious. It is hard to be good staying with good when compared to the opposite. The bible quotes”Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” (Matthew 7:6). To build confidence, be with confident people. That is the fastest way to how to be confident or how to build confidence.

Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals. 

1 Corinthians 15:33

6-Remove unrealistic images of self.

Perfect is boring. Believe me I am the most perfectionist people you ever meet. This is reflected with OCD and criticism in my daily life. And obviously pulls others away from your life. Instead of trying to be perfect, learn to progress. It is OK to fail sometimes. Without willingness to fail, you can’t be successful. Afer all they say, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”[quote]

Your frequency of failure brings you closer to success. Learn to become better every day than demanding to be perfect today. Follow a schedule to do things that you listed on number 2 and do them every day, but with objective of continuous progress. If it does not work today, try it tomorrow.

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7-Be successful.

Achievement makes one successful and success makes one confident. Confidence without achievement is ignorance or ego. To be confident you shall think as successful person with purpose. It is easier to walk with confidence when you are entitled to something. A sergeant walks with pride than a private.

8 Express yourself.

You don’t owe nothing to the world. It seems those you give the stage to others are loved. The reality is they are soon to be forgotten. They have no value in other’s eyes. They are the less confident entwined with shyness and overthinking. Instead those who act are embraced as self-proclaimed heroes. They save the day with humour and responsibility. If you want to be confident, learn to express yourself. Say your mind at any time. Don’t over analyse, just say it and see the outcome. But be careful to not come across others in a wrong way.

9-Learn to say no.

The less confident sacrifice time and resource on unfulfilling events. Don’t waste a single energy on what does not fulfil your purpose. People usually are like virus, they don’t get enough. They take as long as you can give. Confident people don’t give their power and precious resources away for nothing. And they give it knowing it is valuable, and they expect nothing for it. But they know when and how to give. They also know when to say no for requests. You forget to say no to failed relationship and it becomes so big that you cant get rid of.  You should learn to say no when the time is here. the secret to how to build confidence is to just say no as fast as you can to the things that doesn’t help you grow.

10-know your purpose

How to be confident has direct correlation with purpose. Those who are entwined with purpose, walk with pride. They are not afraid to speak since they think it as the perfect reflection of their urge.

Read more on purpose

How to be confident is a hard question. To be confident, one has to believe self as the only power to change the self. Then be realistic and list things that does not makes you confident. Then practice and break your daily routine with progress thinking.  It is also necessary to be successful and at the same time to say no to things that are not aligned with own purpose. If you keep practising what is listed here, how to build confidence is an easy task.

 

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Confidence habits Purpose success

Fear of success: Signs and tips to solve Fear of success and become successful

We will discuss fear of success and become successful. Fear is a hormone that triggers invention. Running from fear made the weapons. The security systems and strategies for fearing tomorrow are possibly the outcomes of fear. Fear keeps the new born infants live long. Those who don’t fear, run in the woods discovering new land but with greater risk. The rest of the family waits in the cave shivering in fear, waiting for the safe return of the rebellious.

Fear of the unknown leads to fear of possible failure. The unknown holds danger zones. At every corner is a venomous snake waiting to attack a prey. Across the woods, kilometres away, is a focused group of lions, crawling to catch their lunch. The woods could be poisonous, the ground could be a dangerous pit. Everything is dangerous.

When one lives life in fears of the unknown then one fears possible success.

As some authors put it, fear is a great thing. That is what gave us the chance to exist by giving time for our ancestors. But fear in this age is destructive than useful. One should avoid in slum areas with history of gangs. That is useful. Fear of losing money to hackers on the internet is a good thing. A kid avoiding confronting bullies for fearing possible fight has chose better than egoistically fighting and getting hurt. On the other hand, avoiding people fearing that people will judge you is outrageous. Never starting your business fearing that it would end up in bankruptcy is bad.

The worse part of fear is when it becomes fear of success. This is when one fears success itself predicting the possible outcomes and baggage that comes with success. When you are successful, that does not end there. You get attention, you get money, you get responsibility. That is good for the sane.

Three signs that you fear success as your worst enemy.

1-You want to think a lot when you get closer to your goals.

You start off the road pretty good, with enthusiasm. And You hit the road under the hot and cold weather. You endured the cold and the warm weather and you even stayed up all night to achieve your goals. But when you see afar and notice the destination. You hesitate and You unconsciously stop and think. “what is happening there? What is next?” Your brain starts asking you, “then what. What happens after you get there. Whom do you meet?” You forget the goals you had at the beginning of the road and you dig your head down and you mumble trying to find a clear image in your mind.

2-The second sign of Fear of success is procrastinating.

Do you delay projects? Do you delay when you get to the final report or to the point where other see first. Or the point where you think is necessary in the project? People procrastinate for different reasons. They are lazy or they lack discipline. Others procrastinate with fear of success itself.

3- Misinterpretation, fear of responsibility.

You want to marry that girl and you think that is a great thing for you and for her. But you fear of having a child. Or taking the responsibility of the home is high in clouds. Getting a child is a success indeed. You don’t see it as failure. But you still get away from it. This I usually see in the young with no experience. Success in this case looks as failure for them. They get away from it misinterpreting it for failure.

4-Success demands change.

When you are successful, people get around you to feed off your achievement. Your life style soon changes. Your perception, your friends could change. And change is one of the hardest thing for many. Fear of being the spot breaks your success.

fear of success_image

I will give you three ways to think of success to avoid fear of success.

1-Fear is in the mind.

Have you ever had experiences where you were enjoying something until you are told it is dangerous and you develop fear for it? Well i know somebody who did. Many people develop fear due to dangerous events like car crash. And they fear cars for the rest of their lives. Some play with snakes until they are told they are vicious or they work on electric cables and they are told that it had current on it. The develop fear with the event. But only the information is a new and noting changed. Fear is the mind’s way to help body survive. If you allow your mind to fear of the possible outcome, then it will help you survive by letting you ignore the events. Did you get the antidote?

2-Fear of success

Fear of success is no more better than fear of failure as both lead to same designation: failure. If you crumble on your knees for fearing success, then you stay there without any change. It is better to ignore your fear and to become successful than not doing anything.  The world appreciates those who started the journey. You should know that success is beautiful and its responsibilities are worth the living.

3-Learn when to shut down your mind.

Years before, I read about the notion of the third second rule practised in the dating industry. Prior to that I had developed the fear, not fear of failure but fear of success. My fear as a young newbie was “what next? How would I call her after taking her number? What if she is not the one. And all those thoughts. ” But as the same time I fear what if she is the one? when should i marry?” Through time I realised the only thing that is between my vision and my reality was my constant mumbling about fear of success.

The first day I used the law was on a bus where I had to talk to a girl that was slightly coughing not to disturb the passengers. I just looked at her, in terror of success and other social tensions, and said ‘’flu?’’ Exaggerating and looking overly surprised.

She smiled and replied. ‘’Yes. ‘’

‘’Oh, get away from me’’, I pushed her gently, flirting.

The rest took place uncovering their potential in the process. If you teach your mind to avoid self-criticism and criticism of the situation, then it would be fine.

Read the five second rule

4-Believe the process, not the end.

In the middle of stress, one fine afternoon, I found myself panting, overthinking about my future. I soon realised how beautiful life is and how great my life was even throughout my satisfactions and trial to mend what was not broken. It was a revelation. t

If you learn to believe your guts and learn to live today with less worry about tomorrow, that will do the job. Don’t get me wrong. Planning good and criticism is fine. The problem is when it starts to cloud your judgement.

Fear of success is everywhere. People are often surprised when they are told they intentionally avoid success. What would people say, what if the boss does not like me after my position, what if …

You have to realize that without failure, there is no success. If you want to be sure of every corner, then that won’t be as delightful. You will see as boring. It is good to make sure of your safe trip but whining about your flat tire won’t take you there. Go and change the tyre and be on the road. Don’t overthink about your destination. Enjoy the view and be safe.