Well, I am not a loser. But my perfectionist mind blamed me for the life I have, as long as I remember. My A grade, that is better than 99 percent of the class is barely enough for its critics. ‘’You could have got A+, you could have answered that question right…’’ My successful life, at least in the society’s mind, is barely success for the mind. My mind notices the half empty while the world around me wished they could have portion of my other half.
My weak body due to long hours spent on books or PC, my fatigued brain due to too much worry, my awkward social domination due to less social skill, vague clothing, beta personality… valueless life. This is my mind’s interpretation of my life in brief. In fact, everyone is on the field, pretending or grinding to win others, to be top in the game. But I stay on the side walk, blocking my own way with the information overload of my mind. I am my own enemy and I am my own competitor.
Overall, my urge to be ‘someone’ gave me choices: to transformation my life or to get depressed in the long run. And I chose to change my current life, to cut off many people out of my life, to control where I spent my life, to cut some hard work and allow others work the rest, to love my self before loving others, to learn the beautiful art of not giving a crap about other’s discouraging opinions.
It is hard to cut off your arms no matter how much its gives you harm. That is what Christ said, ‘’if thine eye causes thee to fall, pluck it out and cast it from thee; it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire…’’ If you have the courage to do that there is no way you have to waste your time reading this, go and cut what has to be cut.
The first three weeks..to change my life
For the first three weeks, I was struggling in my own ways: where to start, how to start it perfect, how to follow-up my progress. The books I read, the videos I watched, the wo-wo inspirational videos could not guide my way home. In fact, they discourage me, comparing me to finished product. ‘A finished product’ is a concept out of Gary vaynerchuk’s speech where he talks about how people compare themselves with the top in the game people and despair. He says, ‘’Kobe has been talented without skill until he started playing. His success is not overnight success.’’
At the beginning of the activity, I realized that I have to have something iconic in my life as a role model. Therefore, it would be a point of change. A point where I will look back and think, ‘’I really changed my life from then’’. In fact, years before I had a breakthrough with random effort to improve my EQ though an intensive reading and watching videos. I had really changed my ways.
What makes this one different is it is not a matter of lesson or a practise of skill, but being someone, being a man that could make a difference in the lives of many. And that is serious. And my six-month journey to become valuable started.
The progress…to change my life
The first thing I did was to end my year long relationship that was supposed to change months before. I am not selfish, don’t get me wrong. It was a failing relation, that sustained because of the girl’s manipulation and my sensitivity to her emotions and my blindness to my own fragmenting heart. After 8 pages long description of my life with her, I had to put the relationship on hold until I come back to my senses. (I know you won’t judge.)
Next is figuring out how to make some of the people in my circle to help them stand independent instead of listening to their worry and challenges every time. I could not be an advisor for others on this short project period. I promised not to help others by sacrificing my time and my resource until I feel helpful myself. I promised not to stir other’s pot before stirring mine. For this, I had to separate myself from the pack and question myself. Question my ways.
Third, I had to change some habits I had such as compulsive searching of the internet, carried away in researches, too much time on reading and information overload. I had to stop watching videos that does not have direct relevance to my life. I had to stop the fantasy and start acting.
Things that must change
On the process, I decided to make change on eight major parts of my life which I will share you the first three. (I promise to share you the rest on another time.)
1-Get in shape…to change my life
I planned to work out four days a week, following a schedule that I got on bodybuilding.com. (not affiliated) I had to go to gym at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, despite the hot weather or the work I have.
2-Find my brand…to change my life
This is the only thing that separates the winners from the losers. If you see most of the known people out there, they have the ego and the nerve to tell you who they are. And you can notice there is a consistency in their image and in their message. No matter where they are, they act in that box that they want you to see them in. Finding your brand saves you from running all over the place and wasting your time. Brands could be expressed in what you wear, how you talk, how you interact with people and more.
3-Document my life…to change my life
This is the result of the effort to document my life. I am writing my progress and the things that I learnt each day or the things I am reminded each say. Each day is truly unique, note them and preserve them for the rest of the world to see. You shall notice the inline and decline of your progress on the way.
As the result of the project, I gained some weight, that I needed. I bought (necessary stuff) to support my body and visited the gym 4 hours a day and I grind. I change my ‘frequent places’ and quit most of my communication with some people and built new circle.
In the process, I changed the doubt of my mind with affirmations. I learnt about affirmations somewhere and I used them at least twice a day. I wake up with them and I go to sleep with them. These addictive processes, replaced the time spent using the internet and reading long hours. I listened audios on the way work and home and make time for myself. I started documenting my progress each day of my life. On the way, I discovered some good people like Gary vaynerchuk that inspired me much to do so. His confidence (arrogance), his achievement and how he portrays himself made me to like him without questioning his legitimacy. In fact, he is one of the few people out there with a unique personal brand in my view.
After two months of struggle(to change my life), I found myself changing my habit, changing my day to day activity and changing where I spent my days. I changed my mind and my confidence. I taught my mind to accept the world as it is, with its flaws. For the first time, I recognized other’s mistakes and their rights to make mistakes. With the books I read, I learnt to love and care for nature; and to love women better. I noticed my flaws in relationships. I observed my characters that made me successful, that made me escape opportunities and I began the journey of discovering myself.
1-Live in tangible world.
Changing your life is good but you should be able to show the changes to the world in three-dimensions. Everything out of you should come out in a material form that people can see and feel. If you’re someone aspiring to do something, then don’t think about it too much or don’t read about it too much. The one thing that matters most is the execution. And the execution still shall be in material form. My immense knowledge in some subjects could not be valued alone but turning them in to eBook or video or audio format makes me more valuable. So, whatever you do, do it in a finite, touchable, tangible form.
2-Schedules do not work.
I realized marking your calendar for with is done or not done is not that effective unless there is someone to coach you or to guide you. Instead it’s better to document your path. Document your experience. You can use audio, video or text. Take picture, or sketch. Do whatever it is easy for you to do.
I learnt that if I write 1000 words each day of my experience, I will write 365,000 words at the end of the year. This means minimum of 365 blog posts, few audios, few books.
3-No one comes to the saving.
If you think you can do it or if you think you can’t, you are right. There is no universal left and right for what you can do. It is all in the mind. The mind is all about the discipline. One of the challenge of the school system that you see in your life later is it teaches on and off time. It teaches when to get a break, when to get lunch, when to leave home. And for this mere reason, most of us are brain washed to do the same.
And usually we are confused on what to do next since the teacher or school bell is no more to tell up when to take a break or when to come to school, or when to go home. No one checks your fingernails for dirt anymore or checks your homework and gives you feed back. No one calls your parents to show your progress any more. It is up to you now. Draw the dream that you aspire to become in 10 years and reverse engineer your life.
4-Projects are good ways of achieving visions.
As I said before visions are extensive and are not meant to be achieved. Even some writers say what makes a vision good is when they are above the bar. Because once achieved they are no more visions.
To get to your vision, you should break it in to goals and make it achievable. For example, my last six-month project was ‘’finding my purpose and becoming my true potential’. And this is big and not achievable without smaller goals.
5-Breaking off too much dependent things seems hard.
But it is one of the characters of a mature person, to change circumstances that no longer serves them, even if it means ‘heart breaking’ for the other side. This is not hatred, this is love through self-love. The bible notes to love others as much as you love yourself. That is as much as you can love others. Without self-love, you are free of love. So, learn to let go some things that can’t have your most amount of love that you can give.
I am still in the midst of the project. However, I feel I have changed most of my ways for good. I used the time to reflect on myself and make hard decisions in my life.
I will write my progress and the lessons I learnt on the process… to change my life…so keep in touch. Tell me what you think.