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How to improve self-confidence: 5 secrets to improve self-confidence

How to improve self-confidence

Self-confidence is a skill. It is something to be practised to be attained. It does not come for free. Even a son of a worrier can become the weakest of the nation. DNA does not guarantee braveness. You only be brave when you want to be one.  Many authors and scientists talked about how to improve self-confidence. But most of them are associated with abstract spiritual and cult-like rituals. In order to become confident, one have to realise, just like another skills, self-confidence has a process. It has As and Bs to be counted before getting to the next. There fore; unlike the cult of imagining your self being confident, you need to do some work before achieving the end result.

Here are 5 ways on how to improve self-confidence.

1-Jumping in to the fire.

If you want to learn about fire, the best way is to touch it. This is how the kid learn about its effects;by touching. Such skills don’t come with only reading but by doing. A swimmer has to be in the water to learn to swim. No matter how much they study, they won’t swim in water.

If you want to improve your self-confidence, stop reading further. The only thing you should do is do.

List things that makes you doubt your power and go out and do them. The miracle of practice is it gets you out of your zone and slay you alive, if you don’t dare to stand your ground. Your self-confidence is not examined with your knowledge but with your ability to apply the knowledge.

Now stop for a moment and list your weaknesses when it comes to your self-confidence. Prepare a table or use the table below and fill them as fast as you can. If you can’t identify your weakness, it Is ok. Just remember when was the last time you were conscious of yourself or fearful?  Note how you felt. What did you do unconsciously?

When am I less confident When was I less confident last time
 1  1
 2  2
 3  3

Now this is the secret. Listing your fear and insecurity is only the half of the job.  List your goal and be realistic. Write “in three month, I will date 5 potential mates and choose the best one for me. For this I will go to weekly party at the neighbourhood. Besides I will read the three books I have (name them) on dating.”s  Then go and do it. That is, it. Just jump in to the pool but with safety on.

2-Live with the eagle.

They say an eagle who lives among the hen is hen. No more. You will only understand that when you find strong people who have realised their power. If you live with the victim, you will soon assume to be the victim. Your level of power is assumed to be averaged between the five closer friends you have. If they are losers then you are too. Think, where do you spent your time? What have you done today. How to improve self-confidence is answered here with demanding to change your environment. Write below, where do you spent your time? With whom you spent your time? What is their achievement? Are they better than you are in any way? What talent do they have that you don’t have? And what talent do you have that they have? Do they align with your purpose? Change your life changing your habits

My friends and their achievement Where I spent my time My feelings about how I spent my time
 1  1  1
 2  2  2
 3  3  3

On the third column, conclude your feelings and your thoughts. Your self-confidence is improved by understanding the effect of your surrounding on you. Without you isolating yourself from the weak and the victim, you can’t become confident. Start improving yourself by separating yourself from the group.

 how to improve self-confidence

3-Be socially fit.

How to improve self-confidence could be tackled from the social perspective. After all, we all are conscious of our interaction with the society. Criticisms happen when what we have and the society’s assumption of what we should have diverges. To improve self-confidence, you don’t have to become the knowledge of the society. But you should at least fulfil some of the moral and cultural dogmas that we want to see in others.

One is being fit. You might hate me for it. But it is true. You happen to be more insecure when you are overweight than when you are fit. You have self-confidence when you have studied for the exam than when you have spent your time smoking weed. That is the difference. When you know that you know, you are confident. Learn to dress clean. Be clean. Take shower as much as you can. Become neat. Learn to talk clear and precise. Have good friends.

It is through the process you become more confident. Learn what made you less confident last time and try to change that. People worry about how to improve self-confidence when the real source of the problem is their social awkwardness. You should learn social skill and develop your emotional intelligence. At the same time don’t lose your balls playing with acat, it might not be returned to you in one piece as you have thrown it. Learn to be careful not to lose you self in the tide.

4-Don’t give a crap.

To improve self-confidence, learn not to worry of what others think of your actions. After all the world has its own hidden agenda and ambitions. Do you remember the donkey story from Asia? Here it goes. A farmer goes to the market with his son and his donkey. While arriving onto the next town, they hear people whispering ‘’they are stupid, they have a donkey but they are walking in the hot sun’’. When they entered the next town they sit on the donkey. The people said one another ‘’they are cruel, they are killing the donkey’’. And before entering the next town, they carried the donkey on their heads. And the people were surprised and said ‘’they are crazy, they are carrying a donkey’’. The father said to the child, ‘’ child, you can’t satisfy everyone, just do what you want to do.’’

The moral of the story is whatever you do people find a hole in your integrity. They will criticise you. They will make you doubt yourself and your stand. You start doubting yourself and you stop being you. If you care about the world much, then you won’t go far. The way how to improve self-confidence is to learn that the world has its views and you can’t be everything. Just be you. And practice to be you. Speak out your mind any time. If you don’t like the meeting to happen, take a calculated risk and advise them with all your guts to stop the meeting. That is all it takes. If you see a kid beaten up, don’t pity him and pass. Go and stop it.If you have something to say, don’t sit there until others mumble their non-sense answers. Raise your hand and say it. Everything is OK and will be OK.

5-Affirm yourself.

What are you? You say “I am confidence person.” It is hard to say I am confident when your heart doubt that. Psychologists say , majority of our thoughts are negative. That is crazy. Almost 70 percent of what you think is negative. And what parents, the environment say about us is mostly negative. And to replace that negative, they say, you have to speak 9 times positive words. It is a lot of work since you have been told thousands of negative statements. What words have your parents or your friends have said to you that stuck in your mind for long? If know it, write it down in your note book. Write the whole story. Write how it affected you. How it affected your decision in life. How to improve self-confidence depends on admitting your weakness and how they took advantage of it to improve you without realising they are harming you. After that shape few statements that you can say to yourself. If you have been told that you are stupid at school and that is making you doubt your confidence, then write your positive counter statement saying “”I am smart, I am genius.” Whenever your mind is caught in the trap, stop your mind, pull it back to present and say. ’I am smart, I am genius, I work hard an improve my confidence.’’

how to improve self-confidence is only answered with work and developing it as a skill. People usually say how to improve self-confidence has a solution only through constant attraction through mind and imagination.In reality even faith with out work is nothing.  How improve self confidence needs a constant work. Don’t despair with one night work work. After all you learn how to improve self-confidence through practice, believe and through admitting your weakness.

Comment below , what is one thing you have taken from this article?



Brook is the main author and owner of grandself. He started grandself as part of a life project to find his purpose and become influential. The posts are part of his understanding and continuous learning in everyday life. He coach people and give free advice over the internet and phone.


    • tololak Reply

      Glad you find it useful. Know that change takes time and constant effort. Hope to hear from you again.

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