What are self-esteem issues

Besides our pretentious social rituals, most of us fight with self-esteem issues. The story is everywhere. It is in our neighbourhood, it is in our city. The father who struggles to cop up with the son’s masculinity; the husband who have self-esteem issues in bed with his wife; A girl friend who have self-esteem issues figuring out whether he is the one; a girl who has self-esteem issues with her body size and image.

The self-esteem issues are everywhere; we all have them. We are conscious of self and we tend to criticise a lot of our self. We don’t like out circular face; we hate how that dress fits us. We are not sure of how the other guy takes out speech of the night. This is a self-esteem war. It is between the mind and the body. It is between the conscious and the world. It is a war of the unseen : it is the war of the mind.

self-esteem issues

The source of self-esteem issues

It is said the population is getting less with less self-esteem especially after world war 2, after the distribution of the media. The world knew what is trend, what is hip and what is good and what is bad. The beauty of the actress in the black and white screen mattered not only for the women but also for the men. The women still compere themselves with the beauty of the screen under the make ups. The men compere their women with the screen and doubt their choice. The measure of beauty became confused with the ideal and the creation of the mind. You see the better beauty made with plastic. The perfect models with Botox and inflated chests became the wish of the teen. ”When I grow up I need to be a woman with these breasts.” That is the voice of the generation.

The new advertisements create a Utopian world with confused message. The hair lotion is advertised with long haired women form east Europe who have never seen the product minutes before the shoot. As the ‘norm is boring’, exaggeration is the reality of the TV. Nothing is real. But this creates self-esteem issues with in the youth and even the adult.

If you grow up watching these shows and movies, you start doubting yourself. The perfect images will haunt you. You judge the girls you meet with the actresses. You love Halley berry skin colour and your white girl friend should look tanned like her. His eyes should look like tom cruise.

I recently met this girl who was attracted to me. We went out for a day or two and I was attracted to her as well before I figured out her self-esteem issues. Under the confident demeanour and her pretty look she was broken. She talks about relationship but only to fulfil her broken heart; talks of future life but from money side only ; needs her guy to have a big house and great cars. and take care of her. She was absent in the mind and she is living somewhere else, daydreaming. She is living like 18 when she is 28.

I judged her in my mind, noticing her flaws once I got closer to her. I was willing to let everything go to accept her. But self-esteem issues were everywhere creating hurdles on the way. Her body, her age, her wish and the reality created a new persona in her. She pretends to live when she is supposed to live.

How to know you have self-esteem issues

You know you have self-esteem issues when your reality and your thought gets confused. You need to go to the party but you have the issue with your looks and you spent 65 hours choosing dress, you lip gloss and your out fits. But seconds before your lift arrives, you stand in front of the mirror thinking “why am I so fat?”

Your lack of competence in life makes you a bully but you even don’t notice it. You make the smart ones suffer and you keep doing it because it gave you a sense of purpose.

Your outcast persona made you a victim. To escape the reality, you spent the day watching TV and listening to music. You don’t want your mind to be on the present since it is so critical and it depresses you. You want to escape your stress but it gets more when you think about it.

You can’t pass in front of others without getting nervous. You don’t answer questions and you don’t engage in meeting forfearing what other will say. You sit at the corner and watch when these less IQ people arguing without a point. You have a better idea but you can’t say it.

You have to go to your child’s theatre class but you have a job to do. You at least created one. You don’t to be in front of these parents who are judgemental.

This is a reality. Many people have these self-esteem issues.

How to solve self-esteem issues

The scientists classify fear and self-esteem issues as a consequence. These are the result of two areas of life: the psychological or lack of knowledge. For example, 78 percent of Australians has fear of driving.

When you want to go on a date and you notice you have self-esteem issues, it might be due to psychological part of you that is you might have traumatic experience or you have noticed somebody get shut down; you have developed a fear for intimacy or your source of comparison are your parents broken marriage.

On the other hand, you might have noticed the self-esteem issues because of lack of knowledge. You don’t know what to do next. You don’t have clue of what the girl needs or even what every woman needs.

On the first case, treating psychological case is harder. If you think your problem is psychological, consult physician. That is the shortest cut to solution. If not try to build up your confidence from the way up. Re-imagine yourself in a different way. Break your daily pattern, change the place you live in. Pick a new habit and a new friend.

If your problem is in the second one, then all we have passed in it. This is lack of information. You just have to realize you have less knowledge in the matter and get ready to gain more knowledge. Read books, watch movies, meet people, go on the field and try. After a failure is experience.

In my opinion, you should be able to create a new lifestyle that does not engage these pseudo looks and fake models in it. See people for what they are not for what they look like. Don’t be wrong here, don’t stop judging people. Discriminate one. It is only though this you can become better. But don’t judge people based on how tall they are or with their accent.

Six points to over come low self esteem 

On the other hand, stop comparing yourself with others. Don’t have ideal references that you can’t attain, although that could be good at times. Be true to yourself. Love yourself for who you are. If you have bleached skin, then darken it or love it. If you are created one legged, what can you do, you can’t make another foot. Then love that. Share that story. Forget others and their irrelevant opinions.

People spend time worrying about how people think of them. I had worried of failing for fearing how people would see me for it. I spent times thinking that instead of worrying about what i would lose through failing.

I recently watched a video on you tube where group of people are interviewed on what they think about themselves and on the other room others are asked about what they think of the person being interviewed.

The results were surprising. All of them had some critics when they talk about themselves. “This chin”, said the tall Asian guy. “I don’t like my body size” said the Caucasian girl with great smiles. This is the best part. The people on the other side said everything good aboput others. “His smile is good with that chick”, said the black girl. “He is tall” the other said. When the result was disclosed , everyone was surprised.

We tend to be hard on our self than on others. We accept others with ease but we don’t like our long nose or big eyes. That create self-esteem issues. Gary Veynerchuk talk about “finished product” were people compare themselves with the perfect image of others. A young basketball player can’t quit thinking he is can’t jump like Jordan. Because Jordan for him should his a goal not a discouragement.  Second, as the world is pretentious, what you see on others is the surface. That is majorly not real. What you know about your problems is usually real.  How can you compare yourself with others on that basis? That is unfair.

self-esteem issues raised from comparing oneself with others and with the abstract ambitions. To gain self-confidence again, you should start to be real to yourself. Respect your opinions, and never worry about what other say about you. Become the actor or the actress yourself. Set a standard. And live the life you want. Then your self-esteem issues will burn out instead.

7 simple but powerful steps to improve self confidence

Author

Brook is the main author and owner of grandself. He started grandself as part of a life project to find his purpose and become influential. The posts are part of his understanding and continuous learning in everyday life. He coach people and give free advice over the internet and phone.

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