It was a near death like moment, sitting next to my office desk, contemplating the possibility of how life would have turned out if I hadn’t taken this path. Life was indeed a cruel tester if not a test itself. I sat there in my chair thinking about the other thousands of paths I could have taken but didn’t take. They say at the end you regret what you didn’t do than what you did. But that was not my reality. I wiped my eyes off. I feared if someone runs into the office and seen me weeping like a little child lost in the streets.
It is in that moment I saw a flash of not a light but a flash of the highlight of my life driven passed my memory in a deep dream-like state. I had no control on it nor did I fight for fearing it would vanish. And I sat there consciously, being reminded of my life in small and slight images.
I was gently reminded of my yesterdays in this world. I stood there as a separated self noticing my existence in the whole. I saw the mere reality of my worry in an identical state of mind soaked with unexpressed emotions.
Unable to speak, I sat there struggling to continue my daydreams after slightly woken up with fear and sweat. And I managed.
Why was I unsatisfied? Why did I want to be someone that I am not? Why didn’t I celebrate my strengths instead? And why did I see the half empty that the half full? Why should the world be fear of tomorrow instead of a space of hope?
I could not think but listen to my thought. ‘You can be rich. That is easy.’ The mind talked in a vague out of this world language. ‘You can. Remember!’, it said trying to reply to its own message. “What if you knock on a million doors asking for money for a dollar?”
“Improbable”, said the conscious, mentioning facts. “You will be tired., who will give you a dollar? People don’t have cash this days”
But at that very moment, it happened. It happened so real that I believed its presence. It is easy. To be a millionaire in a month.
‘Look the half full’, commanded the mind that I didn’t know before.
“Wow”, I responded with tears in my eyes. I am the luckiest in this world. I noticed myself for the first time, observing it from the very eyes of that is not myself but of other than myself. ‘People would die to be that being that you are now.’ It echoed. I was there thinking the nuts and bolts of the vague image of the mind.
What did I complain about? Love, marriage, days, morning, another day, social interaction? I am an alien with a human body.
That morning, while sitting at the same chair, consciously cried and prayed. I confessed the thoughts of the mind with the mere words that I could bear.
Then, I was in peace with myself.
I madly promised
For the next three days, I was in same ‘trance’ but slightly drifting away from it.
..And few months later except that memory of the flash, I was living on same old life, immersed in the confusion of my dream and the reality of the mind.