Category: habits

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#mygrandself habits productivity Purpose success time management

Why we should follow plans and how they makes us successful

Plans

A day before, I was in the zone. I was grooving, noting my ideas and my hypothesis in life. I was sitting in the café with my pen and a small piece of paper that the waitress brought noting plans for the week. This I thought could challenge all the pattern of the life in the week. It was in fact a dream come true. It would have made me more responsible and create a dream life for me that I wished to have whenever I go to bed every night.

And next morning, I wake up in two minds. I wanted to follow the plan and at the same time the other part of mind was fighting to stay on course of the past, using time and look productive. In fact, everything that I would do would not be more than a pretence of the real job. Any way I did it. I went out at 8:30 and had a breakfast, get my car cleaned and went to the office only to research on the business I am developing. I didn’t come up with that much of result. And before much was done I left the office to meet some people. And I spent more than 3 hours on the road. At the end of the day, that was it.

That was it in terms of what I could have done. That makes me think “what is it that makes a difference in life?”

What makes a difference in life?

I am a firm believer that what you think every night is a fantasy of your day and that make you better than the average if not best. Some say that the best time to think is just before you go to bed. It is probably easy to clearly think and with out fear of tomorrow when everything is quitter.  Others this is because the subconscious is awake when the conscious is tired.

Whatever you think to do on the next day, you must do. In fact, most of the things I planned to do on the next day were intense and could meet me with different people. These could help me to solve the mystery of my long time questions.

plan _ grandself

Actions are greater when done in terms of purpose. In design there is a system where one has to follow to end up on result. Some senior designers could escape the process and even create their own. But when you are not senior you should follow the general process and you know you will end up somewhere. The mistake most beginners do is to do things that does not contribute to the greater goal.

You can prepare a mood board but if you don’t have a concrete  reason why you need to do that, you will end up spending more time and without a reason. When you speak with clients, you should know what to ask. Asking about their mother or a small talk does not contribute much.

Your actions in life could be much or more than the average. But if you cannot limit them in to certain “why” then they won’t benefit you. For example, my today’s meeting was a complete loss. I have known they were fine and I arranged some business processes but that would have been greater if I had don’t something that I planned a day before.

What makes a great difference in one’s life is what has been thought over and what complements actions that make a complete picture at the end.

 

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habits personal brand success

How to become rich: 11 beliefs that are blocking you away from getting rich

Introduction

How to become rich is a serious question. When the world is full of resources, the majority lives in a deep poverty. I was born in same poverty that was masked with unrealistic thoughts and dreams. I noticed that being rich or poor is a choice and education has only few contribution for this. Kids used to ask “are you learning for the fortune or for the knowledge?” Some of us were so self-righteous we preached our interest in knowledge though academic education referring our good grades and our respect from friends.

But later in life I discovered something else.

A students who is learning for the knowledge will dedicate time to learn more than the text book. You will find them in lab or at home experimenting or googling without being requested at school.

Others said the reason for their learning is the wealth. The reality is education has less relation with money, usually. Most rich people are drop outs, or the slowest students in class. Of course those who manipulate our life through economy and politics are hidden back the people we see on the podium and they tend to have a good grade at education. These are the ones that studied for the information and got a good opportunity later in life.

Education also used to equate wealth and power. People respected a literate person with college degree. Now, especially in the internet age, your education does not get you respect.

For our surprise an “idiot” on Instagram makes money with fake mascaras and sluggish dances. That is life.

Then what is the way to being rich? Why does the literate or the capable live in debt when a small kid makes thousands a month without much work?

Here are 11 ideas and beliefs that are blocking you away from success.

You become that you think all day

In fact, you are what you think all day long. We usually live dual life, absent minded. We want to live in certain way and we live in another way. One of the challenges of change, in my experience, is not lack of decision or unwilling to change. Rather, it is the discipline.

We want to become rich and we decide to look for location or talk to people and next morning we are all in same trap. We live same life we lived yesterday. I believe that is the reason Einstein said one cannot solve a problem from the position they created it. You should create a new position or reality for yourself to tackle a challenge. That is the reason I talked about breaking a pattern. 

The challenge is not only about what you think but also what you do.

Is someone poor because they think poor or they think poor because they are poor?

The poor get poorer and the rich richer. When you see deep in to it, it gets interesting. The poor fight the rich on their achievement. And the rich keeps getting richer. Is this because the rich are confident to make money or is the money made them feel that way. That is the reason why usually the rich has more ego than the poor. The poor is already broken.

Watch out what you do all day.

How to become rich: dare to be effective and useful

Looking the other empty

The day I looked myself as successful is when I felt that I had lost the things I built all the years. I was very blind not to see my small successes and achievements and complaining only looking at the other empty. I believe the way to  how to become rich is by appreciating what you have now. If you don’t know or appreciate your strength how can you tackle the challenges? Imagine, you could be a numbers person. And someone else is not. Who do you think will be successful if both of you start accounting firm? Bolt will be more successful if started athletics firm.

Before joining any business or starting your venture or even before becoming rich, you should see your strength and weakness. (read Warren Buffet secret to riches ) what do you have now? A loving family, healthy body, 2000 dollars in bank, a house…what do you have that you can leverage from?

Don’t get fixated on what lacks. That is immaturity. Who cares if you are 10 cm shorter than the normal. I met someone who is very shy because he looks younger than his real age. His success was shot at the moment he shies away from opportunity because of the other half than what he already has.

Must read: life is easy

How to become rich: appreciate what you already have

Lack of thinking

Wealth is the product of man’s ability to think. AYN RAND

I used to think that the kid at the corner crying to get my attention deserves my attention;  the reason that a seller is asking for more money because that is the real value of his efforts. I had hard time to differentiate between the motive and the action of people.

But with time, I learnt to differentiate people in four categories that helped me to discriminate people like the most of you probably have the skill to do.

In business or any field there are four type of people that usually act on the surface as innocent or successful.

The first types are the vultures. Those are the ones without ideas or money. These are dangerous. These are losers. You should be careful of them. This statement could have been a little bit harsh for my past self. But not anymore. Those will kill to eat. They have no dream or vision. They live to eat. You find them everywhere, trying to take advantage of your ideas or your money.

The second are the ones with money but no idea or vision. These probably got lucky to own fortune from parents. Since they have no discipline in life they are wasting much or they are too afraid to spent for fearing the future. These are good for you if you don’t have the money to pursue your ideas. They could be good partners.

The third are the ones with goals but no money. This is probably you. Most people belong in this category. People in this category are probably poor, are average, work to meet some income goal, are good people, usually lazy, procrastinate a lot. They are educated or have a knowledge that is mostly useless. They know about “Kardashian” than “cash flow.” These are the sheep who buy a lot and are in debt. These are the ones who are hooked on TV hours and hours and complain a lot about the economy.

The last ones are the one percent. These have the money and the vision. They make the money that is necessary to finance the idea. And it goes in spiral way. They own the rest of the category since they own hundreds if not thousands of employees in their firms. They are the ones who live as they like. These are the third categories watch on their TV. If you are lucky to have those in your life, cling to them; learn from them.

One of the secrets on how to become rich is to start using the brain. It is to identify opportunities, plan, research and make it happen.

How to become rich: think

Not changing the trend of the mind

Promising to change is not enough. You need to change your all reality. You need to break the pattern of your habits. That one step ahead. Every young want to be a man but only some become one. Others are grown boys. Becoming a man needs to pass a success of hurdles and challenges and get a trophy. This could be deciding to live a parent’s house, being responsible and more. A constant reading or a plan does not make a fast and lasting change. Money is same. Many rich people’s experiences show that one only become rich when change their life practically.

Change begins with change of mind. A constant affirmation to the unconscious helps the unconscious believe that reality. The unconscious, the psychologists say, is the largest but the dormant part of the brain. While the conscious is what interacts with the world. The real power is in the subconscious, that guides thought and action slowly behind the curtain.

Some say, you get a new habit by doing a specific task continuously for at least 21 days. The consistency and the continuity change thoughts.

Some advice to say out loud your plans, your visions, your strengths for 3 weeks or more at least three times a day. And your subconscious pick it up and work on it to make it real.

how to become rich _ grand selfGet rich soon

Paul Mckenna in his book “I can make you rich” says the driving force to ‘get rich soon’ scheme is driven by two enemies of wealth: fear and greed. Have you read about stories about people getting ripped off believing these schemes? Fear forces one to choose what seems illogical.

Good results come with work that has reasonable amount of work in front. That is the reason Tony Robbins say that many NBA players become poor in short time) (link his book how to become super rich)

For PAUL McKENNA Ph.D.  money is like power. It is the illusion. It is the other things that make a difference. Power could be lost without tactics, plan. Money does too. Then a constant cultivation of personal and financial skills in mandatory for being rich. and this could take some time.

How to become rich: don’t be greedy

Money makes you happy

Happiness is a by-product of achievement and money can be an achievement. But money by its self cannot make one happy without any other reason attached to it. A loser is a loser even after the money. Expecting the money to make one’s life better is a good thing. But expecting money to make you happy or to make your failed marriage is a poor thought.

Don’t seek money to solve your relationship problems or to solve your unhappiness.

One things you should understand is that it is you that matters. If you really want it you can become happy even without money. Don’t think to make your family happy with money that you could not provide them. You can live on 5000 dollars a month or 50 000 dollars a month. You can become confident, happy and have a great loving family even in 5000. What matters is you, not the size of the money. Instead use the extra money to fulfil what your family needs. It could be clothing or food or better education or better car. That makes you and them happier and comfortable. The way How to become rich is by not wishing money to solve problems that you should solve. Instead by using it to make your great life greater.

How to become rich: be someone even before the money

Paper money has more value than your service.

Someone says 100-dollar bill paper takes only few dollars to print. The only value that that few dollars paper has is the number on it that is “100”.  At some time in past useful and precious items such as salt and gold were medium of exchanges. These are natural and have fixed value all over the world. Even the paper was the representative of these gold that is somewhere since carrying gold for exchange was a hard task. Recently, the money was only a value in itself, without gold backing it up. It suddenly becomes valuable by itself.

Once after a discussion with a client on the services I provide her, I mentioned the price point and she was shocked. I knew that she was only hustling me by exaggerating a market price point into getting a few more dollars out of me. And I said to her “Do you know that how much the dollar is depreciating each year?” she mumbled. And I continued to say “the paper you give me today has lesser value a year and year after, but the value I give you makes you more and more money each year” And she got it. Don’t be afraid to get the money that is enough to your efforts. Money is never equivalent to your creativity or your hard work.

How to become rich: value your work

The association

The reason we like to do something or we avoid something has a direct or indirect relation with how we prize or punish our self for the task. For example, we fear fire not because we are born that way but because we are probably told it is dangerous or we touched and felt its sting. Fire is bad. We like to go party and others don’t.

I recently heard a story of a man where a girl insulted him on his very young age. Since then, he was terrified of having a woman in his life. He died without marriage and without any relations.

This system also works in animals. It has been tested in monkeys and we all do it on our cats and dogs. In one experiment, a group of monkeys were given a banana at the top of a ladder. But whenever the monkeys climb the ladder to get the banana, everyone’s feet will be shocked with current under their feet. After a while they picked the trend that the current passes whenever someone succeeds to climb the ladder. Then they started to fight to discourage anyone from climbing.

That is not the interesting part. The interesting part of the experiment is the monkeys were transferred to another cage and a new monkey without the prior knowledge of what happened before joined them. And they fight him to death when the monkey climbs the ladder even though the new cage has no electric shock. He was fought until he learns the trend without knowing why he should not eat the banana that everyone avoids.

Guess what, whenever a new money joins the cage, even the new monkeys fight them off from getting the banana.

This is life. life also works this way. Most young people suffer from the world view that parents gave them. Some of our parents are religious that hate money. Others see it as hard work that would give them heart attack or migraine. Others were so control freaks while others have not plan or budget.

We learn, we associate. And without knowing the reason we learn to fear the unknown from the society even looking at the prize in view point.

The other way on How to become rich is to learn the reality of association. Like the new monkey that discouraged newer monkeys without a probable reason except the discouragement of peer fellows. One should cleanse the mind and develop new reality.

How to become rich: learn to prize yourself

You hate rich people

If you hate people with money, you will hate the money. If you think people with money are bad then you don’t want to become one. (remembered the association story?) The secret is to know whom do you want to become, not in terms of personality, but in terms of the money. Imagine the rich people you know. Do you hate them only because they are rich? Do you feel that they are the devil only because they planned, strategized and work their way through the ladder of the money? Then the problem is with you. You can’t hate someone only because they own something. When I was a child I used to think how much is too much? For a completely poor person someone with 100,000 dollars is rich. And that is the sign of the devil. For the person with 100,000 the millionaire is the devil.

Let’s makes it simpler. A person with 1000 dollars is rich for the someone with 10 dollars. And is that their devil?

It is not definite. If millionaire is the devil so is the 1000er.

We can’t label someone as a bad person only because they have the money that we don’t have. Instead you should learn to accept that it is ok for someone to be rich. Learn to accept the reality and work to be part of it in your own morals and dogmas.

 How to become rich: love the people you want to become

Wealth in the world isn’t enough for everyone

One of the scarcity minds that we got from the society is that the resources we have is not enough. One world should have less for the other to get more. These are not ideals of the sane mind. Some say resources are enough in the world for everyone to live a good life. If not greed, it is the lack of knowledge, long term plan and lack of prepared mind that discourages being rich.

How to become rich: the world has more to offer

Love for spending

Many people suffer from spending more than they have and more than they need. Especially women are criticised with emotional spending where they buy more than they can afford. A dress should match a mattress no matter the price.

In this age, the market is full of products with high competition and variety of products to buy. For a mere buyer there are at least more than 50 different choices to buy from. The problem is not buying a single product or even more than one. But since the paying system is easy and the products look great, we are emotionally forced to buy them. It is amazing that people buy after looking an article on Facebook or website by someone they see on TV. The ear rings some singer wore becomes a trend. And even those who have nothing to eat buy it without second thought. I know people who save money only to buy human hair from India. This is crazy.

The marking world where every inch of building and every second of TV is about a product, expenditure, use and throw product, avoiding not buying is unimaginable.

However, it is possible for a trained mind. You should think is it better to own this much cloths and live poor or to save your money and aim to be rich.

The pity part is that people use their debit card to purchase these craps. In fact, most have a collage loan and other thousands of loans on their cards. Most college students get loans more than they need. Most of the money goes to beer and party. And years after the bank is happy and the student is sad.

How to become rich: stop spending money

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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change yourself habits productivity Purpose success

The solution to the struggle to change habits  

Struggle to change habits

Habits could be the best things that could define a person. Habits gives one the tools to express one self and to learn skills that would not possible without interest and without payment. But habits sometimes become a set up for failure. Some habits are dangerous.

Many people are wired for failure because of the habits that they live with. Someone used to say to me that addicts promise never to drink again every morning, probably due to the hang over or the position they find themselves in. But every night they find themselves circling around at the neighbourhood in lack of vision and decision.

I recently find myself in same situations. Not about addictions or that matter but in daily life itself. Some of the things, like driving to work, working, lunch time, all are habits formed through out long time. Some of us do that unconsciously. Every evening, I plan never to do the routine since the next day, since i felt it was hurting me in life, and I find myself doing the routine the next morning. I do things that i don’t want and seems that i have no power over it.

Then I discovered why we are not firm with our plans and why we struggle to change habits.

1-Our plans are based on emotions.

Emotions are like, “I am great, I can do it” stuff that is irrelevant to the overall vision. We only do it because of some inspiration we have every time and then. They say everyone wants to become a marathon runner at times of Olympics. Lack of follow through is due to short span emotions that does not fulfil the life purpose and current situations. Don’t plan to never go to some place only because you had disagreement with someone.

Do you know people who get hyper after watching TV show they like or after listening inspiring story? Emotion are good but sometimes destructive. Looking things objectively is often good. One reason for the Struggle to change habits is believing emotions more than reality.

2-We don’t have something else to replace the previous habits.

When you decide never to repeat your tasks, then you should see in detail what to do instead. For the drunk never to drink, they should plan to do something else on that specific time. Why not see friends each day of the week and sleep over there? If you don’t plan on what to do instead, surely the mind picks the best thing to do for the day and you will find yourself on same position you were yesterday.

I once found a guy who hated to see his girlfriend who was abusive to him. And each night he would meet her only to get verbally abused and criticised. He promised never to meet her again for 6 months and he could not do that. That makes a huge mark on their already failed relationship. The more I studied their relationship, the more I felt sad for him. The only advice I gave him was “learn to replace your actions.” Without me understanding what it meant. Weeks later he came back a new man few pounds more and few inches taller. He smiled to me and said “It worked. I started taking this cooking class at 10. And I did that for 20 days already. She obviously didn’t call and I am forgetting her.” Well, that is sad story but a story with lesson to take from.

Replace your bad habits with another good habit rather than running away from it.

3-Prize system

We are taught to do something good using reward and punishment system where when you do “good” you get prized and when you do “bad” you get punished. The system still works for adults whose consciousness is much more progressed. The notion of association is where we do certain tasks and we avoid others even though they are necessary. Well, it is due to these positive and negative associations were the mind regrets, caught in flight or enjoy the process. When you over eat, you feel bad. Why? Because the marketing, the culture, the image of being fat and the bully gives you hard time. Even though, food you ate does not have much, you feel sorry for yourself.

One of reason for the Struggle to change habits is no association of a task with gratification. If life works such way, why not prize yourself for achievement?

Punishment and reward-psychology today

4-Change pattern

This is a technique that I used a while ago to learn new way of life. I was not satisfied with the one I have. It was never the norm but it did not satisfy me. I wanted to change but I could not for long. And one-day accidentally, I listened to my guts and wrote a fiction like character based on my ideal life in a day. I then change where I stay, whom I stay with, where I sleep. I refused to eat where I ate a day before and learnt to wake up at 5 for 30 days. And I did things based on 30 minutes and 1-hour difference. I did this for a month. And guess what? It was hard but my subconscious picked it. And all of a sudden, I found myself waking up at 5, writing for an hour, reading for another hour, exercising and breakfast and leave the house before 7. Going to bed at 10 and close all my laptop and phone at 9. The more I do them in a certain a pattern they become my days.

More: Breaking pattern

One reason for the Struggle to change habits is lack of repetition and accountability. Replace your habits, break your pattern and learn to prize your self for good work.

 

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anxiety habits Purpose stress success time management

The hole between dreams and reality: the reason we are unfulfilled

It was a near death like moment, sitting next to my office desk, contemplating the possibility of how life would have turned out if I hadn’t taken this path. Life was indeed a cruel tester if not a test itself. I sat there in my chair thinking about the other thousands of paths I could have taken but didn’t take. They say at the end you regret what you didn’t do than what you did. But that was not my reality. I wiped my eyes off. I feared if someone runs into the office and seen me weeping like a little child lost in the streets.  

It is in that moment I saw a flash of not a light but a flash of the highlight of my life driven passed my memory in a deep dream-like state. I had no control on it nor did I fight for fearing it would vanish. And I sat there consciously, being reminded of my life in small and slight images.

I was gently reminded of my yesterdays in this world. I stood there as a separated self noticing my existence in the whole. I saw the mere reality of my worry in an identical state of mind soaked with unexpressed emotions.

Unable to speak, I sat there struggling to continue my daydreams after slightly woken up with fear and sweat. And I managed.

Why was I unsatisfied? Why did I want to be someone that I am not? Why didn’t I celebrate my strengths instead? And why did I see the half empty that the half full? Why should the world be fear of tomorrow instead of a space of hope?

I could not think but listen to my thought. ‘You can be rich. That is easy.’ The mind talked in a vague out of this world language. ‘You can. Remember!’, it said trying to reply to its own message. “What if you knock on a million doors asking for money for a dollar?”

“Improbable”, said the conscious, mentioning facts. “You will be tired., who will give you a dollar? People don’t have cash this days”

But at that very moment, it happened. It happened so real that I believed its presence. It is easy. To be a millionaire in a month. Infact it is easy to be what ever we want to be. But it is the conscious that believes what it sees.

‘Look the half full’, commanded the mind that I didn’t know before.

“Wow”, I responded with tears in my eyes. I am the luckiest in this world. I noticed myself for the first time, observing it from the very eyes of that is not myself but of other than myself. ‘People would die to be that being that you are now.’ It echoed. I was there thinking the nuts and bolts of the vague image of the mind.

What did I complain about? Love, marriage, days, morning, another day, social interaction? I am an alien with a human body.

That morning, while sitting at the same chair, consciously cried and prayed. I confessed the thoughts of the mind with the mere words that I could bear.

Then, I was in peace with myself.

I madly promised again and again to live my life in delight as if there is no more tomorrow. I pictured the life I needed and the life I wanted to live.

For the next three days, I was in same ‘trance’ but slightly drifting away from it.

..And few days later, I solved the mystry that stressed me at the time. On that same day, standing at taxi station, I called few people to make sure that the world was same around.

..And few months later except that memory of the flash, I was living on same old life, immersed in the confusion of my dream and the reality of the mind.

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goals habits success time management work

7 simple but effective time management tips that you can apply today

Time management tips

 

The only common resource most people have is time and yet it is so short and unrepeatable. Once wasted, one cannot reclaim but only has to work to compensate. You might have noticed that some people have the skill of using their time effectively and they are successful. You are probably reading time management tips because you have the problem of managing your time. Just like other skills such as speaking, efficiency and management, time management is also a skill. And a skill should be applied to be effective. Then when you read the time management tips , you should know that you should practice them at least for the next 30 days for them to become habit.

Here are 7-time management tips that you can use for success today.

1-Limit your companions

This is cruel advice. But that is true. Some say “a person with many friends has a dilute wine.” When you have too many people in your daily life, it is sure you don’t have time for your self and for your goals. If you want to change your life and become successful, you should become more experience. You should not waste time on gossip, drinks and too much socializing that do not benefit your purpose. The first-time management tip is to limit then number of people you meet in a day.  Unless you are a sales person or a speaker or other professional that demands meeting people, you should focus on your work and yourself.

Task: chose quality than quantity in your social life. Your success will attract lots of people.

2-Plan in advance.

When do you decide or plan what to do for the day? If you do that in the middle of the work, you are not as effective as you could be. You should plan before starting your entire job. It is even better if you do it before going into the office or school. And make sure you write it. For example, you might say. “I will finish the report in two hours and I will meet John for review.” This makes you responsible and you can learn about your efficiently along the way.

time management tips _ grand self3-Remove Destruction

Social media, is not used wisely, is a destruction. If your internet do not allow you to focus, shut it off. TV, games and technology are also some of enemies of time management. One of the tie management tips that could help you much is decision. If you are not good at decision and follow through, forget about time. It won’t work.

You should decide to not use any of these technologies including your phone while you are working. You can switch off your phone or disconnect your cable for an hour or two until you accomplish your goals.

More reads : Is Social Media a Waste of Time?

Daily time spent on social networks rises to over 2 hours (Infographics)

4- Have detailed goals.

General plans are good but without goals they are not effective. Instead of saying I will finish report within three days, you could possibly say, I will finish the introduction in 4 hours, then first chapter in 5 hours….

This could give you a space and accountability for your efforts. Time management tips number four is not only to plan ahead but also to think in details of what to accomplish.

5-Start at the end of the day.

Do you know most people start working on project or job, when deadline approaches? Whether you give them a week or a month, it is all same, they will start at the deadlines. In fact, it is more effective not to work for a month on a task that you can accomplish in days. Some people are more efficient before hours before leaving their office. The fifth time management tips is to choose a good time for you that you are effective with and use that as a leverage.

6-Be accountable

Why don’t you tell your boss that you will finish the working 2 hours? Guess what happens, you will have to finish in 2 hours. Don’t take too much risk or don’t over promise. But ask loved ones to help you in the process.

7-Practice to focus.

Being focused is one of the hardest things that the mind has to bear. But you can practice it as any other skill. Learn to focus on your work without destruction. Focus you mind and recollect your mind when it wanders away. Practice that for days. You will see the result.

I gave you 7 time management tips that are simple but effective. For you to save time and be successful, you should plan ahead, have goals and work on your goals. And learn to focus by avoiding destruction. Be accountable and improve on your skills along the way. You will notice fast change in your life.

 

Categories
Confidence habits Purpose success

Fear of success: Signs and tips to solve Fear of success and become successful

We will discuss fear of success and become successful. Fear is a hormone that triggers invention. Running from fear made the weapons. The security systems and strategies for fearing tomorrow are possibly the outcomes of fear. Fear keeps the new born infants live long. Those who don’t fear, run in the woods discovering new land but with greater risk. The rest of the family waits in the cave shivering in fear, waiting for the safe return of the rebellious.

Fear of the unknown leads to fear of possible failure. The unknown holds danger zones. At every corner is a venomous snake waiting to attack a prey. Across the woods, kilometres away, is a focused group of lions, crawling to catch their lunch. The woods could be poisonous, the ground could be a dangerous pit. Everything is dangerous.

When one lives life in fears of the unknown then one fears possible success.

As some authors put it, fear is a great thing. That is what gave us the chance to exist by giving time for our ancestors. But fear in this age is destructive than useful. One should avoid in slum areas with history of gangs. That is useful. Fear of losing money to hackers on the internet is a good thing. A kid avoiding confronting bullies for fearing possible fight has chose better than egoistically fighting and getting hurt. On the other hand, avoiding people fearing that people will judge you is outrageous. Never starting your business fearing that it would end up in bankruptcy is bad.

The worse part of fear is when it becomes fear of success. This is when one fears success itself predicting the possible outcomes and baggage that comes with success. When you are successful, that does not end there. You get attention, you get money, you get responsibility. That is good for the sane.

Three signs that you fear success as your worst enemy.

1-You want to think a lot when you get closer to your goals.

You start off the road pretty good, with enthusiasm. And You hit the road under the hot and cold weather. You endured the cold and the warm weather and you even stayed up all night to achieve your goals. But when you see afar and notice the destination. You hesitate and You unconsciously stop and think. “what is happening there? What is next?” Your brain starts asking you, “then what. What happens after you get there. Whom do you meet?” You forget the goals you had at the beginning of the road and you dig your head down and you mumble trying to find a clear image in your mind.

2-The second sign of Fear of success is procrastinating.

Do you delay projects? Do you delay when you get to the final report or to the point where other see first. Or the point where you think is necessary in the project? People procrastinate for different reasons. They are lazy or they lack discipline. Others procrastinate with fear of success itself.

3- Misinterpretation, fear of responsibility.

You want to marry that girl and you think that is a great thing for you and for her. But you fear of having a child. Or taking the responsibility of the home is high in clouds. Getting a child is a success indeed. You don’t see it as failure. But you still get away from it. This I usually see in the young with no experience. Success in this case looks as failure for them. They get away from it misinterpreting it for failure.

4-Success demands change.

When you are successful, people get around you to feed off your achievement. Your life style soon changes. Your perception, your friends could change. And change is one of the hardest thing for many. Fear of being the spot breaks your success.

fear of success_image

I will give you three ways to think of success to avoid fear of success.

1-Fear is in the mind.

Have you ever had experiences where you were enjoying something until you are told it is dangerous and you develop fear for it? Well i know somebody who did. Many people develop fear due to dangerous events like car crash. And they fear cars for the rest of their lives. Some play with snakes until they are told they are vicious or they work on electric cables and they are told that it had current on it. The develop fear with the event. But only the information is a new and noting changed. Fear is the mind’s way to help body survive. If you allow your mind to fear of the possible outcome, then it will help you survive by letting you ignore the events. Did you get the antidote?

2-Fear of success

Fear of success is no more better than fear of failure as both lead to same designation: failure. If you crumble on your knees for fearing success, then you stay there without any change. It is better to ignore your fear and to become successful than not doing anything.  The world appreciates those who started the journey. You should know that success is beautiful and its responsibilities are worth the living.

3-Learn when to shut down your mind.

Years before, I read about the notion of the third second rule practised in the dating industry. Prior to that I had developed the fear, not fear of failure but fear of success. My fear as a young newbie was “what next? How would I call her after taking her number? What if she is not the one. And all those thoughts. ” But as the same time I fear what if she is the one? when should i marry?” Through time I realised the only thing that is between my vision and my reality was my constant mumbling about fear of success.

The first day I used the law was on a bus where I had to talk to a girl that was slightly coughing not to disturb the passengers. I just looked at her, in terror of success and other social tensions, and said ‘’flu?’’ Exaggerating and looking overly surprised.

She smiled and replied. ‘’Yes. ‘’

‘’Oh, get away from me’’, I pushed her gently, flirting.

The rest took place uncovering their potential in the process. If you teach your mind to avoid self-criticism and criticism of the situation, then it would be fine.

Read the five second rule

4-Believe the process, not the end.

In the middle of stress, one fine afternoon, I found myself panting, overthinking about my future. I soon realised how beautiful life is and how great my life was even throughout my satisfactions and trial to mend what was not broken. It was a revelation. t

If you learn to believe your guts and learn to live today with less worry about tomorrow, that will do the job. Don’t get me wrong. Planning good and criticism is fine. The problem is when it starts to cloud your judgement.

Fear of success is everywhere. People are often surprised when they are told they intentionally avoid success. What would people say, what if the boss does not like me after my position, what if …

You have to realize that without failure, there is no success. If you want to be sure of every corner, then that won’t be as delightful. You will see as boring. It is good to make sure of your safe trip but whining about your flat tire won’t take you there. Go and change the tyre and be on the road. Don’t overthink about your destination. Enjoy the view and be safe.

 

 

 

 

Categories
change yourself goals habits

How to change your life in 3 months

Change is a bogus word. It is weird;complicated and out of this world. People won’t prefer to change unless it hits home. Because life in the box is safe. It is more comfortable  than the more beautiful out of the walls of the box. How to change is still a question in many people’s mind.

People want to change but they usually don’t. They promise to change but they find themselves in same spiral downward. Others decide to change habits and attitudes only when it is too late. A smoker quits when he loses his lungs; a woman divorces when she loses her moral to make family again; a student starts studying when they fail. This happens every day around us.

The problem is the wiring of the mind.

1-The over protective mind.

The mind has the responsibility to keep us safe by analysing the possible way out. When you hesitate for a second, the mind takes it as a sign of danger, and danger is to be avoided. When you want to change, you think of the possible dark corners of the path and you hesitate and the mind shuts down like a fearful dog. You can’t move forward with the deep confused thought in the brain. You are worried all of a sudden. The worry becomes stress and the stress becomes depression. This is the way the mind stops possible dangers out there.

Second, changes need energy.

And energy is what our body has in scarce. The body should conserve as much energy to survive. To do that, it should rest not work. A lion sleeps 20 hours a day.

The mind possibly must hate change since, one, it exposes you to possible risk and, two, it takes a lot of energy.

How to change, the three ways

1-Never listen to your mind.

Your mind is like a protective dog, it barks even in the presence of the loved ones. It does not mean the loved ones are there to attack you. It is the way it is wired and trained. To change, it takes to show possible ways of change for the mind. When you fear, you should tell yourself that it is OK to fear but it is not the place to fear. The mind also wobbles. It is like a tread of cloths, it is everywhere and in everything.

how to changeIf you believe your thoughts, you are doomed. Your thoughts are dependent on the occasion. When the day is bored, it is the mind that is bored. You might be sick or tired. The day is same. You might ask why you wanted to do something in the morning and you are bored of it now or hours later. That is the minds was of inspiration. It does not mean you want to do it or you don’t. Then how to change is answered as to change don’t relay much on your mind, rather think of the reason to change. Think whether it is necessary or not to change.

2-Think of what to change and how to change just before you go to sleep.

Moments before  going to bed is a good time to plan the next day. Some claim that a subconscious mind, that is the powerful but passive part of mind, makes decision when the conscious mind, that is responsible for our day to day function, is asleep. So, when you are in half sleep mode, your subconscious starts functioning. This is why hypnosis is done is a sleepy mode. The subconscious mind, although it is the silent part of the mind knows what is necessary for the mind without biased of the wobbling conscious.

In this state, the mind is going to rest, that is in congruent with the need of the mind itself. Then the mind will give out opinions without bias. You should plan your day in this time and plan of tomorrow. Since we fear the reality we tend to snap our mind out of the reality or the present. This includes using phone, talking or music, Allen watts claim that these habits are way of getting out of the reality.

Here you should stop distracting the mind and start thinking. Write your thoughts if you can. And write what the mind tells you should change.

The best way to change is to break patterns. Stop reading and think how you pass your day every day. If you are average joe. You go to work, you sit in front of desk for 8 hours. In the middle, you go out for coffee or bathroom. In lunch time, you gather with similar friends to talk about the weather or wife or the girl that you saw in the morning.

This is the biography of most people. Most people don’t have something to tell at the end.

First, you should know change takes at least 21 days.

Most of you despair without even trying. 15 days is not enough. I believe the computer age affected as in to fast forward, short videos, precise information and more. The only thing that does not change is discipline and hard work without these it is still impossible to produce useful things. You should stick to what you want for at least 21 days to see a change.

Then learn to break the daily patterns of your life.

How to change becomes concrete in this step. If you are compulsive drinker, don’t fight to stop drinking. What you should have to do is to dig deep and make association. Think where you drink, with whom you drink, what time, who initiates, who pays, how much you spent per month. To break the pattern, start from the source. If you have peer pressure, stop meeting these people. If you drink yourself, find out what leads you to do that, depression or hopelessness. Find out why. or just join rehab. They will tell you what to do.

If you want to change a problem in your sexual life. Think what makes you low energy. What part you want to change. Then break it. If you watch Adult movies, throw them away. Keep it that way for 21 days. If you don’t speak with you wife a lot, do that to night. Cook with her, sit her down without being creepy, since it is new habit for her, and ask her how her day was. If you don’t like how your cloth, then find cloths that you like purchase then and clear then as you wish.

The secret is to start with one step and make thousands along the way. Breaking a pattern is all about finding the things you do that gets you away from success and break then and replace them with new habit.

If you think about it, how to change is easy. To change with in only 3 months, first you should learn not to relay your decisions on the wobbling mind. Then think of what you want to change and how to change just before you go to sleep. This is the best time for you to think silently, clearly and deeply. Then refer what you note on this day and do them on the following day.

Learn to break the pattern that you boxed the mind is. To change, you should change your living environment, your habits. You should teach your mind that things are new now. You can’t no more sit on the computer for hours now. Even if you don’t like it, you can’t open your PC, so put it away locked to remind yourself not to use them. Instead go and visit people, stay in park, following your schedules.

Do that for at least for 21 days. Then you shall see the change in effect as soon.

What do you think. Comment below.

Categories
change yourself goals habits

How to change, How to change your life only in a 3 months

Change is a bogus word. It is weird;complicated and out of this world. People won’t prefer to change unless it hits home. Because life in the box is safe. It is better than the more beautiful out of the walls. How to change is still a question in many people’s book.

People want to change but they can’t. They promise to change but they find themselves in same spiral. Others decide to change habits and attitudes when it is too late. A smoker quits when he loses his lungs; a woman divorces when she loses her moral to make family again; a student starts studying when they fail. It is possible and obvious and it happens every day around us.

The problem is not because of laziness but because of the wiring in the mind.

1-Sciences supported theories talk about the protective behaviour of the mind.

The mind has the responsibility to keep us safe by analysing the possible way out. When you hesitate for a second, the mind takes it as a sign of danger, and anger is to be avoided. When you want to change, you think of the possible dark corners of the path and you hesitate and the mind shuts down like an afraid dog. You can’t move forward with the deep confused thought in the brain. You are worried all of a sudden. The worry becomes stress and the stress becomes to depression. This is the way the mind stops possible dangers out there.

Second, changes need energy.

And energy is what our body has less. The body should conserve as much energy to get you to another day. To do that, it should help you rest than work. It is also same in animals. See most animals that need a lot of food. A lion sleeps 20 hours a day.

The mind possibly must hate change since, one, it exposes you to possible risk and, two, it takes a lot of energy.

How to change, the three ways

1-Never listen to your mind.

Your mind is like a protective dog, it barks even in the presence of the loved ones. It does not mean the loved ones are there to attack you. It is the way it is wired and trained. To change, it takes to show possible ways of change for the mind. When you fear, you should tell yourself that it is OK to fear but it is not the place to fear. The mind also wobbles. It is like a tread of cloths, it is everywhere and in everything.

how to changeIf you believe your thoughts, you are doomed. Your thoughts are dependent on the occasion. When the day is bored, it is the mind that is bored. You might be sick or tired. The day is same. You might ask why you wanted to do something in the morning and you are bored of it now or hours later. That is the minds was of inspiration. It does not mean you want to do it or you don’t. Then how to change is answered as to change don’t relay much on your mind, rather think of the reason to change. Think whether it is necessary or not to change.

2-Think of what to change and how to change just before you go to sleep.

Moments before  going to bed is a good time to plan the next day. Some claim that a subconscious mind, that is the powerful but passive part of mind, makes decision when the conscious mind, that is responsible for our day to day function, is asleep. So, when you are in half sleep mode, your subconscious starts functioning. This is why hypnosis is done is a sleepy mode. The subconscious mind, although it is the silent part of the mind knows what is necessary for the mind without biased of the wobbling conscious.

In this state, the mind is going to rest, that is in congruent with the need of the mind itself. Then the mind will give out opinions without bias. You should plan your day in this time and plan of tomorrow. Since we fear the reality we tend to snap our mind out of the reality or the present. This includes using phone, talking or music, Allen watts claim that these habits are way of getting out of the reality.

Here you should stop distracting the mind and start thinking. Write your thoughts if you can. And write what the mind tells you should change.

The best way to change is to break patterns. Stop reading and think how you pass your day every day. If you are average joe. You go to work, you sit in front of desk for 8 hours. In the middle, you go out for coffee or bathroom. In lunch time, you gather with similar friends to talk about the weather or wife or the girl that you saw in the morning.

This is the biography of most people. Most people don’t have something to tell at the end.

First, you should know change takes at least 21 days.

Most of you despair without even trying. 15 days is not enough. I believe the computer age affected as in to fast forward, short videos, precise information and more. The only thing that does not change is discipline and hard work without these it is still impossible to produce useful things. You should stick to what you want for at least 21 days to see a change.

Then learn to break the daily patterns of your life.

How to change becomes concrete in this step. If you are compulsive drinker, don’t fight to stop drinking. What you should have to do is to dig deep and make association. Think where you drink, with whom you drink, what time, who initiates, who pays, how much you spent per month. To break the pattern, start from the source. If you have peer pressure, stop meeting these people. If you drink yourself, find out what leads you to do that, depression or hopelessness. Find out why. or just join rehab. They will tell you what to do.

If you want to change a problem in your sexual life. Think what makes you low energy. What part you want to change. Then break it. If you watch Adult movies, throw them away. Keep it that way for 21 days. If you don’t speak with you wife a lot, do that to night. Cook with her, sit her down without being creepy, since it is new habit for her, and ask her how her day was. If you don’t like how your cloth, then find cloths that you like purchase then and clear then as you wish.

The secret is to start with one step and make thousands along the way. Breaking a pattern is all about finding the things you do that gets you away from success and break then and replace them with new habit.

If you think about it, how to change is easy. To change with in only 3 months, first you should learn not to relay your decisions on the wobbling mind. Then think of what you want to change and how to change just before you go to sleep. This is the best time for you to think silently, clearly and deeply. Then refer what you note on this day and do them on the following day.

Learn to break the pattern that you boxed the mind is. To change, you should change your living environment, your habits. You should teach your mind that things are new now. You can’t no more sit on the computer for hours now. Even if you don’t like it, you can’t open your PC, so put it away locked to remind yourself not to use them. Instead go and visit people, stay in park, following your schedules.

Do that for at least for 21 days. Then you shall see the change in effect as soon.

What do you think. Comment below.

 

Categories
Career change yourself Confidence goals habits Purpose success time management

What am I waiting for? Why we blindly wait with hope for tomorrow

hope for tomorrow_image

The world is a by-product of waiting and hope. We hope for tomorrow with nothing to show on today. We are taught to wait.  One of the serious problems that tomorrow holds is its unknown factor. As the president once said, the best way to predict the future is to make it. It is in fact harder to sit and wait for a chance than to stand up and  change the future.

One of the challenges schools bring is the master-worker process it introduces from the early age. For everything we do we expect someone to approve it. And there is the teacher with smile and warm welcome to applause us and tell us we did good. Of we raise our hands to speak or to ask to visit the bathroom. We tend to do the same later in life.

We urge someone to tell us whether to marry that girl we have been dating for more than a year. Therefore; we stand and hesitate, “is she even the one?” Our mind needs someone to guide us which path to take next. If thought, this is a heavy load on the mind. Then we tend to avoid it. We tend to do whatever comes to mind or whatever comes along. We go to shop to have tea and since there is not tea there we drink coffee. As we spent more  time gossiping, ignoring a work that should be done. We watch movies long enough for our eyes to discomfort.

We wait for tomorrow for no avail.

I have three reason why we wait for tomorrow,the unknown.

1-Fear.

Fear is the primary factor for success and failure of life. It is fear that govern the world. And through rear the powerful manipulate the rest. We have fear of losing our homes, we have losing of our family member, we have fear of losing our husbands and wives…our life is full of fear. The environment itself has the mechanism to control us with its systems. The mortgage, the school fees, the fast-changing life… This all makes us numb from early age. Only those who have examples before them and these who have the fortune to go on will succeed faster in life, at least it seems. Out of fear we freeze and wait for tomorrow to magically intervene and save us.

2-Waiting for someone to tell us what to do.

As age progresses maybe realise than they have been waiting for something, a father or mother figure to tell them what to do. Our parents, like the school system, have fed us, read us stores at bed side, they lull us when we cry and the buy us everything we need. “Don’t cry” they say, weeping our tears. We didn’t learn to cry our eyes out and see nothing happened and we are only being nasty. We didn’t learn to be strong alone. For this we dare break laws and we wait for parents to save us, and they usually did that even lying. And growing up, without any physical and psychological challenges, we tend to be children forever secretly waiting to grow with hope for tomorrow.

3-Religion “hope”, the bible says.

Hope, the book defines it as believing of the unknown without seeing the impact today. Hope is good in itself. Because it is hope that extends many people’s lives in this chaos detested world. But when hope becomes personal cult and excuse that is the challenges. The bible itself says belief without work is nothing. You should be able to work. Those apostles and followers themselves have worked to feed themselves. People like Paul have sewed tents to make money. Religion doesn’t ask you to sit and hope for tomorrow.

What you have to do it to have a purpose in life. propose it necessary. Many people who suffer with this syndrome are those aimless people. Then have goals and schedules of doing them. If you have not done nothing until now, it is probable that you won’t do much in the future, unless you change. Then you should realise that unless you are luckiest guy in the world, you won’t become day or even one day. That is fantasy. Think what you want to be and work to get that. And accept whatever chance that comes along. The rest is fantasy. The rest is hoping for tomorrow to make miracles.

4-Hesitation

Hesitation is a mind’s way of avoiding possible risk. It’s good then since it helped ancestors avoiding acting for fearing the sound they heard in the woods. Hesitation in this age is a liability. It kills. It is nothing more than a sign for the lazy. If you hesitate you are likely to lose. This is the principle.

Minutes before I was asked to speak on a conference on the result of my 2 month life project that also created this blog.   I hesitated for a moment. “Can I speak? Am I the best here to talk? What if there are others with better speech? What would the rest think what if I fail…”  Event if I know I could do it, I hesitated. “May be other time”, I said,ignoring the the request.

The syndrome of the modern education is it makes the smart hesitates. If you have noticed it is the smarter how hesitates a lot. “Wait”, the mind says. What is there is a better way to do it and what if someone else could do it better  and what if they don’t like it? What if…

The difference between lowest IQ the rest is, they don’t hesitate. They hope for tomorrow like the rest but are not afraid to get emotional with today.

One can kill hesitation by learning that there is no perfect timing or perfect fit for many things. The best time is now. Don’t hesitate.

Hope for tomorrow but don’t sit and wait it.

 

Categories
anxiety Confidence habits Lifestyle Purpose

I hate my life : 10 things people that hate their life do.

“I hate my life”, she said trying to catch my attention. “I hate my life, I slid my harms many times trying to end it, but I am still here. They say what you hate follows you. Life follows me.” Her voice was shaky and her eyes never left gazing the floor. “Life is hard!”, her tears preceded her.

Love and hate are two different emotions packed in the same bag. They are the fabrication of the wobbling mind and crazy days.

I once heard of the story of a hard working individual that life got him the wrong way. In one morning, moments after that he read his wife’s divorce note on the kitchen counter, he learned he was let go at the job. “I hate my life.” he was crying in the way home with his family picture in a box that he collected from the office desk. Depressed, he picked up the phone to share his sadness with his family.

Just before he finished speaking, rejoicing, they told him that he won the lottery that he had bought weeks before.

His emotions switched around within a second. He learned how lucky he was and he saw how life was good to him all this time. He managed to love his life again.

He runs to his car thinking to celebrate with family, and soon to learn that all was a setup and he doesn’t win the lottery.

The moral of the story is happy and sad are there inside you. what matter is how you see events that occur in life. “The day is boring” is not the ultimate reality. It is what your mind feels on the day. “I hate my job” is a personal opinion that reflects your interaction with the job or workplace or employees. It may not necessarily reflect a fact.

i hate life _image

The interpretation of life is personal. What is good is not good. It is only good for us. What is beautiful is not beautiful it is beautiful for us. “I hate my life” is a personal choice of decision.

So, if the above is true, then ” I hate my life ” is only a false preconception of reality.

Here are things that people that hate their life do and people who love their life do.

1-People who hate life say “I hate love.”

People who hate life have only one word “I hate life.” They complain a lot. They are not satisfied no matter how events turn out.

People who love life say “I love life” no matter how life treated them. Life cannot always be perfect. There are ups and downs. Leaning to the positive is mandatory.

Without this strength waiting on tomorrow is harder. Hope to help us pursue tomorrow. And hate does not have hope. Hate only gets you despair.

2-people who hate life don’t progress. They sit still and don’t change.

People who love life dare to change. Change is not a must for them. It is a tool to getting better and better in loving life. They know that with change is satisfaction and with satisfaction is love and with love is life.

3-people who hate life don’t care about dangers.

They could run into danger at any moment and they care less. I once read a book about a testimony of a soldier on the battlefield. Heat one moment noticed how one of his friends was really strong and confident while walking on a ground paved with grenades. Surprised, he asked him how unfearful and confident he was. The soldier then replied saying that it is not he was confident, it is he hates his life.

People who love life love themselves. They don’t allow a single scratch on their flesh, moreover, on their spirit.

4-people who hate life hate their body.

People knowingly and unknowingly hate their life lose respect for their body. They eat what is available and not what is useful. They do not care about their health and they get obese or super thin. Some don’t get a shower and they don’t groom well.

People who love life are always on the spot. They change clothes, they take showers on time. They keep their teeth healthy and especially their internal organs. They respect life then they respect their body. They care about their sexual health and mental health.

5-people who hate life live with people who hate life.

They say you are the average of your five close people. If you live with the hater you become one. If you stay with the smart you become smart, at least you will learn the way to smart. East Africans has a quote, “a goat who befriended a donkey, returns home learning farting.” Your day defines you.

People who love life, carefully choose with whom they spent their day. They are discriminatory. They don’t allow losers to ruin their day. They don’t care what others think of their selective behavior. They respect their intuition more than people’s opinions.

6-people who hate their life hate their jobs, their family.

It is sometimes psychological. People despise life, and they start drinking. They get depressed. They start developing a negative feeling about the necessary things in life. They forget to live in peace. They nag. They created stress on their close ones because if their own unsatisfaction. This, in turn, leads to breakups and distraction.

People who love life, love others, care for their family. They love what they do. If they don’t love it, they don’t blame it on life. They know life is progress. And they will work hard and change their situations.

They succeed in the presence of challenges. They get that degree at evening class and get raises. They work smart and get noticed at the office. They study hard and get good grades. If they hate their wife’s weight, they don’t despise her or insult her, they simply work to change that. 

7-people who hate life live discriminated life.

They get depressed and stay away from the public, weeping and complaining, only to go deeper into stress. They don’t like talking with others as they developed hate for people: they are the source of the problem. Their favorite quote is “I hate my life.”

People who love life, love people. They know people are the source of happiness in life they respect others. They respect opinions. They live to serve because they know the value of life. They don’t spend the day alone depressed when they can spend it with people they love.

8-people who hate life don’t see a future.

They only live in the past fearing the future. Today doesn’t exist if you don’t love it. The fear of the past limits the hope of tomorrow.

People who love life know their treasure is in tomorrow no matter how bad today looks. Their riches and life grow bigger and bigger with time. And their limited resources don’t measure today’s worth tomorrow’s progress does.

Summary

life is to be loved. Many people say I hate my life. This is common. Life is something to be appreciated and to be progressed through. Without this, life is not well lived. People who hate their life don’t change. They stay the same for years. They don’t respect their body, they don’t love their family, they hate others, they live among life haters and they have no clear image of the future.

People who love life don’t complain. They do whatever is necessary to get back in life. They don’t mind other’s opinions as they care about their own assumptions. They care for others; love their health and are careful of what they eat.  They love life.