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anxiety Confidence habits Lifestyle Purpose

I hate my life : 10 things people that hate their life do.

“I hate my life”, she said trying to catch my attention. “I hate my life, I slid my harms many times trying to end it, but I am still here. They say what you hate follows you. Life follows me.” Her voice was shaky and her eyes never left gazing the floor. “Life is hard!”, her tears preceded her.

Love and hate are two different emotions packed in the same bag. They are the fabrication of the wobbling mind and crazy days.

I once heard of the story of a hard working individual that life got him the wrong way. In one morning, moments after that he read his wife’s divorce note on the kitchen counter, he learned he was let go at the job. “I hate my life.” he was crying in the way home with his family picture in a box that he collected from the office desk. Depressed, he picked up the phone to share his sadness with his family.

Just before he finished speaking, rejoicing, they told him that he won the lottery that he had bought weeks before.

His emotions switched around within a second. He learned how lucky he was and he saw how life was good to him all this time. He managed to love his life again.

He runs to his car thinking to celebrate with family, and soon to learn that all was a setup and he doesn’t win the lottery.

The moral of the story is happy and sad are there inside you. what matter is how you see events that occur in life. “The day is boring” is not the ultimate reality. It is what your mind feels on the day. “I hate my job” is a personal opinion that reflects your interaction with the job or workplace or employees. It may not necessarily reflect a fact.

i hate life _image

The interpretation of life is personal. What is good is not good. It is only good for us. What is beautiful is not beautiful it is beautiful for us. “I hate my life” is a personal choice of decision.

So, if the above is true, then ” I hate my life ” is only a false preconception of reality.

Here are things that people that hate their life do and people who love their life do.

1-People who hate life say “I hate love.”

People who hate life have only one word “I hate life.” They complain a lot. They are not satisfied no matter how events turn out.

People who love life say “I love life” no matter how life treated them. Life cannot always be perfect. There are ups and downs. Leaning to the positive is mandatory.

Without this strength waiting on tomorrow is harder. Hope to help us pursue tomorrow. And hate does not have hope. Hate only gets you despair.

2-people who hate life don’t progress. They sit still and don’t change.

People who love life dare to change. Change is not a must for them. It is a tool to getting better and better in loving life. They know that with change is satisfaction and with satisfaction is love and with love is life.

3-people who hate life don’t care about dangers.

They could run into danger at any moment and they care less. I once read a book about a testimony of a soldier on the battlefield. Heat one moment noticed how one of his friends was really strong and confident while walking on a ground paved with grenades. Surprised, he asked him how unfearful and confident he was. The soldier then replied saying that it is not he was confident, it is he hates his life.

People who love life love themselves. They don’t allow a single scratch on their flesh, moreover, on their spirit.

4-people who hate life hate their body.

People knowingly and unknowingly hate their life lose respect for their body. They eat what is available and not what is useful. They do not care about their health and they get obese or super thin. Some don’t get a shower and they don’t groom well.

People who love life are always on the spot. They change clothes, they take showers on time. They keep their teeth healthy and especially their internal organs. They respect life then they respect their body. They care about their sexual health and mental health.

5-people who hate life live with people who hate life.

They say you are the average of your five close people. If you live with the hater you become one. If you stay with the smart you become smart, at least you will learn the way to smart. East Africans has a quote, “a goat who befriended a donkey, returns home learning farting.” Your day defines you.

People who love life, carefully choose with whom they spent their day. They are discriminatory. They don’t allow losers to ruin their day. They don’t care what others think of their selective behavior. They respect their intuition more than people’s opinions.

6-people who hate their life hate their jobs, their family.

It is sometimes psychological. People despise life, and they start drinking. They get depressed. They start developing a negative feeling about the necessary things in life. They forget to live in peace. They nag. They created stress on their close ones because if their own unsatisfaction. This, in turn, leads to breakups and distraction.

People who love life, love others, care for their family. They love what they do. If they don’t love it, they don’t blame it on life. They know life is progress. And they will work hard and change their situations.

They succeed in the presence of challenges. They get that degree at evening class and get raises. They work smart and get noticed at the office. They study hard and get good grades. If they hate their wife’s weight, they don’t despise her or insult her, they simply work to change that. 

7-people who hate life live discriminated life.

They get depressed and stay away from the public, weeping and complaining, only to go deeper into stress. They don’t like talking with others as they developed hate for people: they are the source of the problem. Their favorite quote is “I hate my life.”

People who love life, love people. They know people are the source of happiness in life they respect others. They respect opinions. They live to serve because they know the value of life. They don’t spend the day alone depressed when they can spend it with people they love.

8-people who hate life don’t see a future.

They only live in the past fearing the future. Today doesn’t exist if you don’t love it. The fear of the past limits the hope of tomorrow.

People who love life know their treasure is in tomorrow no matter how bad today looks. Their riches and life grow bigger and bigger with time. And their limited resources don’t measure today’s worth tomorrow’s progress does.

Summary

life is to be loved. Many people say I hate my life. This is common. Life is something to be appreciated and to be progressed through. Without this, life is not well lived. People who hate their life don’t change. They stay the same for years. They don’t respect their body, they don’t love their family, they hate others, they live among life haters and they have no clear image of the future.

People who love life don’t complain. They do whatever is necessary to get back in life. They don’t mind other’s opinions as they care about their own assumptions. They care for others; love their health and are careful of what they eat.  They love life.

 

Categories
anxiety habits Lifestyle

what to do when the storm passes and life is easier once again

‘’I will do It tomorrow’’ is a satisfied man’s sorrow. It is the way of compensating the unsatisfied heart’s desire to get away from action. You want to change but you say we will change tomorrow, you want to do it later or you want to do it as soon as you finished that talk show or series film you have been watching for a week. Life is indeed a path of procrastination.

But when this life gets in trouble, that is when everyone promises to change, until things become better once again and you forget the promise.

life is easy_image
We all have these days of depression. We wanted to liberate ourselves from it but for no avail. Let me share you a story here.

(For the sake of the story let the person stays anonymous.)

Life was easier, like living without will, for the satisfaction of the immediate. He lived his whole life with deep concern and purpose to satisfy. But that time was really different. He was no longer a slave to his ambitions. He did whatever he wanted. This all was good until one day a girl happened in his life. Her meek approach led him in to the trap of infatuation. Later he developed attraction for her. Her nagging behaviour and his fear of violating his values led him in to deeper trap.

His happy days were over within months and his days were deteriorating each day. His habit changed and he started drinking. His smiling lips no more could not cover his heart’s shout for a different life when his paranoia made him believe to have caught some STD. And he believed the girl was somewhat pregnant. His life became a living hell.

While standing in anxiety in his office, on morning,  his life flashed in front of him. His heart started beating, he was literally shaking. He cried his eyes off and prayed for the first time in years.

He was reminded of the normal life, how beautiful life was, he appreciated it. “I wish he said, I wish I get second chance in life and be free of the STD and the girl he no longer loves is not pregnant.” The peer pressure of the society made him fear of the consequences of these events.

He said crying, “God, if you give me a second chance in life, I would live my life like lion, I would not be afraid of failure, I will not care what people will say of me. I will live for one purpose and that is the purpose that I am created for. I will get marred as soon and love my wife and my children. Like the few did, I will live to be remembered.” After mummers of regret and beg, he stood up to continue his depressed life.

Months passed and one day he had to do it. He had to break his fears and get tested. And it was OK. He is fine. And she was not even capable of getting pregnant for health issues.

He stood there ,infront of the clinic, feeling relaxed. The sky was bluer and the wind was sharp. He took taxi back to his job place. And returned to his normal life.

Months passed again,when life is easy, his promise was soon forgotten. He even didn’t try to change. He just left everything there and become the previous person.

What to do when things get normal and life is easy.

Life is difficult for those who take risks.

These who don’t take risks live easy life. Life is easy. They live without danger. This is similar to the primitive society. Those who are fearful will stay in the cave all day, avoiding danger. Others who dare to explore, surely will get in danger. They encounter wild animals. Some fail from a cliff. Others die of hunger and disease. And these were,surely, the ones who made history.

Dangerous situations make you stronger, if you use them wisely. These are ways of appreciating the good. Because without the dark, one cannot appreciate the light. Because light is sometimes boring for many.

The negative is a reason to appreciate the positive.

When you are in the problem, it is better not to cry and go to sleep. Instead write your emotions down.

Because emotions pass but emotions in writing don’t . You will be reminded of the emotions on the better times. Then write your ambitions, your exceptions, your goals when you still are in the bad time. When life is easy again, you will read them and understand what to do without being emotional.

Next solve the problem.

When things get normal, read them back. read everything you have written. And devise a plan on how to achieve them. Let me tell you what to do when life is easy.

1-First, is changing practices.

Your habits, day-to-day activities are norms, for you to change, you have to break habit. You have to device your own way of living. You should break pattern, go out of the city, or change place of sleep. Hang out with different people. This will change your perspective and emotions. As soon as when life is easy, think how you can change your daily habits.

2-stay with people you admire.

Learning is faster when you be with achievers. These are your coaches for free. You learn from their lives. After all they say, ‘’you are the average of five people in your life. ‘’ When life is easy or even when you are in the problem remember who is your friend and how can you repay them for what they have done for you.

3-pray.

Prayer is a way of communicating your desire with the God you don’t know. It is the way of sharing hearts feeling in a way you don’t do with others. Prayer is a form of mediation. You don’t lie when praying since you believe you pray to God, who knows everything. Prayer opens the sky. It will help you see afar from the seen.

When the going gets tough people gets frustrated. They promise to change when the chance presents its self. But when life gets easier and when the time comes of the freedom, they don’t even remember their words.

To become your dream on the time of normal, your notes, your pattern breaking habits, great people around you and your true prayer makes all the difference.

 

 

 

 

Categories
Lifestyle meaning of life passion Purpose success

The three layers of success only few know and how to become successful in each

Introduction

” Am I successful? ” is a question in many people’s minds. Many have asked similar questions throughout history.

Who is successful then? Are you successful? Are these tattooed, drug-induced gang musicians on the TV successful? Are these low IQ senior year university students successful for graduating? What is a success after all?

This question bugged my mind for long, since elementary school, for a deep desire to be successful in life. Back then, my passion and dreams were not based in the real world, rather in the ‘perfect’ image of the world in the mind. My tomorrow was obscured with the fight of the existing world and the fancy dream path I wanted to take. When the going got tough, I felt a loser. This was a constant question: ” am I successful, yet? ” You probably also wanted to figure out if you are successful or not.

After finishing reading this article you will never doubt and ask ” am I successful? ” again.

When your read this article I want you to understand that life is about potential. Even though your past matters what count is how you decide to live your future.

So, am I successful?Are you successful?

Think of success as multidimensional concept rather than cause and effect. It has various shape and form and it definitely is not unidimensional. To understand success is to understand something that changes it self every time you see it. Because after all, it is the people that determine success. For the sake of simplicity, let’s define success based on the observer.

So, success has three layers where it is defined or achieved.

The first layer is the wider layer, that is success in the eyes of the general society.

This is how society defines your achievement. Success, after all, is relative. Passing classes or going to school is enough on this layer. Starting a job and feeding a family makes you a success in society. They call you a good citizen of society or something. The people you barely know attend your wedding, they talk about the suit and the makeup and the ceremony with great delight. 

Most people you know, probably 80%,are classified in this group.People in this level of success do what is required: they learn, they get jobs, they marry and have children. They work hard and they don’t go to sleep without food. Unless you are a stoner or drunk, wasting time idle, you are successful. After all, if society thinks you as successful, you are successful.

So, are you successful? If you answered no, leave this post and go to the end of this post to learn how to become successful in this layer, if yes continue reading.

Second layer: the acquaintance layer

This is more critical than the general massei opinion of success. You cannot live a mediocre life at this stage. You get things done and you don’t live to pass through the weekdays.

This layer is more real because your success is determined with people who have direct or indirect authority upon you. Passing from class to class does not impress parents like it impressed the society on the first layer. You should be able to get a grade that could compensate the expenses parents put out on you. Feeding family or being on time at home does not count here. You should be able to give attention to details, practically care for your family.

How many people you know have a beautiful but disfunctional family ? How many graduates you know who passed with struggled to pass through the years?

This layer is a practical, and quality layer.

Only a few people, probably 25%, are successful in this layer.

So are you successful? Is your success quality success? If no, go to the end of this post to learn how to become successful in each layer, how you can make your life a quality life. If yes, continue reading. I will show you another higher layer.

The third layer is the personal layer.

The third layer is for the dreamers. It is for the world changers. It is for those who are obsessed to be unique, to be more than the average. This layer is called the self-layer. Not more than 5% of people you know are in this layer. This layer is not judged based on what the society says or what the close ones want, but with what the self want. Here, achievement is criticized based on purpose and potential.

When you are in this stage of development, you care less for what others value, but you care more about what your dream values. The only thing that makes you happy is achieveing your high standard. Graduation does not overwhelm you because you have higher goal in life. You don’t party all night for a single success of on a project(even if celebrating your success is necessary) because you see life in the bigger vision.

Therefore, this layer is not about the ordinary or the quality, it is about value. Have you heard the saying “seek not to be a person of success but a person of value ” ?

How to become successful _grand self
On how to become successful

If you know on which success layer you are on, it is easy to understand how to improve your situation.

Here, I will show you how to become successful based on your current success status.

To be successful, in the society layers, you don’t necessarily have to work that hard. You only have to cooperate with the norm. Go to school, respect others, finish home work on time, have friends, get a job, have a family: live the norm. That is enough. Quality of life is not that high here. Life is pretty much easy. How to become successful in this layer is by understanding the norm and by living it.

If you are not satisfied the first stage, it is time to grow. In the second layer, you can’t just be a husband, you have to be a lover; you can’t just be a student, you should excel; you can’t be a boss, you should be a leader. You have to buy flowers, you should say ” I love you” . When you can get above c, passing with D does not work here.

People in this layer of success know that they are accountable for their deeds, they learn and put their knowledge in to action.

Remember, life is celebration in the first layer. But it is a work in this layer. Live life to the fullest.

Success in the third layer is harder. You should be able to work harder and smarter. People in this layer live their life purpose.  Life here has no specific worldly measure. The person himself measures the success with his/her own guidelines. For example, a doctor could become a teacher on weekends. An inventor like Steve Wozniak could become an elementary school teacher. This is up to the mind of the actor. This is what makes one to live for someting and leave their mark.

How you become successful in this layer is by finding your purpose , living that purpose and by influencing the world.

Read more: 10 things you should know about purpose.

What do you think? On which layer of success are you in? Comment.

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#mygrandself change yourself

More things to stop doing in life to grow: grand self

More things to stop doing in life to grow

Don’t fear change

Growth is brutal. It demands leaving what is enjoyable and becoming responsible. It has a challenge, uncomfortable situation and hurdles to jump to become the next. Growth in life is usually demonstrated in two ways. Growth is physical and also spiritual.

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Luke 2:52 

Once one said the purpose of life is to grow. And this true in many cases. If a kid crawls for a decade, we notice and we pity of them. We expect them to dare and stand up and walk not matter how they turn out to be.

To grow in life, first, you need to solve your challenges, fight your demons. Solving these challenges could help you become a better person, a better wife, a betterfather. For a heavy drinker to stop drinking is hard. For a sports fan to spent game night with family is like dying.

We all have our own challenges and habits that harm us than help us. Deciding to stop them is the first leap.

…for example find and write your challenges and explain why and how they affect you and how can you solve them..

Today, I decided to stop doing two things, stop spending time and resources on others and stop passing responsibilities to others.

I have noticed that for the last two years I was responsible for spending most of money for food with friends. I was labelled as careless while I was spending too much only to comfort them on their grief over break ups and life disasters.

Why was I giving priority to others over myself. The more I do something for others, the more they expect I do it again and the more they take me for granted. I didn’t find earth a fairy tale space with rewards. In fact, it is a cruel place.

Then the decision is to help others to solve their own problems.

Second, I will not pass to others properties under my responsibility.

I will not give my property to others with out a pay back. Some of you might consider this as cruelty or unfriendly. However, I believe that for me to grow I have to grow out of the shell first. And my shell is too much self-sacrifice and putting finger in other’s pot before putting in to mine.

Third, I have to be out spoken.

If I become too out spoken, as I have tried few times, life would be chaos, at least for me. I noticed people blaming and criticizing me for speaking my mind. Other compete with me trying to equate themselves with me and drug me down. Life hidden is more secured, less risky. Life bold is risky but the result is beautiful.

Life is about growing and facing the weakness. Your perceived weakness could be other’s strength. But as long as you find it a weakness, then you should face it. You have to stand against it.

Change is hard. Because the mind avoids it. The mind prefers the body to sleep than work. This is not laziness. This is energy saving mechanism.  Energy gave ancestors more time to survive in life. These days you can’t possibly need much energy saved as you won’t go for days without food or as you are not afraid of finding food.

Don’t run away from pain of change.

Then the pain of solving your challenge makes you stronger and bigger.

The pain is beautiful in itself. Because the size of the pain is relevant to the size of the reward. And the size is measured against us, our capability, our DNA.

This is my weakness: being too nice, pleasing others. I have to beat myself out of it or I have lived in the dirt for long trying to please every pedestrian.

What is yours? List them down, see how you can solve them and solve them. Enjoy the process. Remember the pain can not be compared to the reward you reap at the end.

Tell us your challenge.

More things to stop doing in life to grow 

 

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#mygrandself change yourself

# Does change makes you hate the life you lived?

change in lifeChange in life

I was loyal for bosses. I was very weak at heart for people I liked. I had lost through it.

Because the value I gave is much more than the value I got. I always lost.  Does this make me a loser?

The last six months of my life was a struggle to seem useful. My worry of rushing age and unsatisfied potential all killed me inside. I had no choice but to make adjustment to my days and to learn about myself all over again. I had to throw out what I already have to make a room for what is to come.

..Life is not of a sure thing. You only take a calculated risk. But here is always a consequence. They say you at least have two options, but both have a place of a destiny of own.

The consequences of my adjustment and change in life

For the first time in life I felt like I am the best thing that ever happened to earth. I questioned myself whether I was crazy for all these years for doubting myself. I felt like I am here on earth for worthwhile project. Through loving myself, I cared for my body, spirit and soul. My worries that satisfied my poor mind could no longer be invited to hurt my spirit. I took responsibility.  I no longer can run away from life.

I started thinking about passing away.

I always have lived for the future, for the unknown and for what lacks. Everything I have known was useless since I already know it. And I always struggled to know more.

When you feel for the first time about dying then you will notice how rigid you are in life. Whatever you do in life, it is sure you will pass. Then,why don’t you pass away doing what is worth?

Why the hell would you worry about other’s opinions of you?

Who is James bond for you or who are the Kardashian for you? We are a dead being in a flesh with a mediocre breath. It is sure you will pass and be forgotten. Get up and do something or you are already dead like the Schrodinger’s cat.

I knew that instead of talking, I can give.

Instead of only reading I can write, what ever it is I can write. I dropped everything that made me in the past to create a new beginning that negates it.

 Life is not about keeping what you have, but giving it away while looking for something new.

I started to feel today.

My mind almost stopped worrying about tomorrow and started living today no matter how scary it seemed. I looked up, and like a person in a trance, I wondered how beautiful the day was ? How beautiful the sky is? where was l all this time? I went out to touch and feel my cat’s fur. She was angry as obvious.  Her presence was full of energy that I could not express with words.

I am lucky to be here.

I am lucky to own a car.

I am lucky to have a family.

I am lucky to see a new day.

The night is good the blue sky is beautiful. We are all lucky to have earth other.

I ignored most of my practices.

I limited the time I help others and focused on myself. When I started to understand myself, and tried to work on my weakness. If I had read 80 percent of my time now I write 80 percent of my time. If I had ate 3 time a day, now I eat more. If I go to places I didn’t enjoy then I stopped going. Simple but powerful.

I ignored other’s opinion and started doing what I wanted. For the first time, I stopped being yes man to my boss and told him that it was his responsibility to do the things that were supposed to be done . I stopped a girl that was continuously chatting with me while I was on my job giving her another time to talk with her. Boy, she was never  happy she was with it but it helped me finish my work on time.

Consequence of the consequence.

I started noticing change in life. I hated sitting in my office for long and wanted to finish my work as fast to be somewhere else with a clear mind to think or socialize.

I almost stopped over analysing things to start doing.

People lost my complete presence in their destiny and they started questioning if I was OK. My sacrifice for their bare smile was not available for the first time. I noticed people who walked out of my life. I was happy for them. Of course, I can’t take them back in to my life. Their deceptions won’t work on me anymore since I am learning to discriminate.

I love my self. I am the hero feeling like hugging and kissing myself. You know if things around us is made by people not better than us, then why do we feel less?  The other day, a guy was yelling for his own mistakes, I didn’t respond. I was already above it.

At the end, some People started questioning what happened to me with in the last few months.  My decisions were aligned with my actions better than before. It makes people wonder if I am deliberately ignoring them.

Writing this article, I am thinking of what is left to do. What is done is much less than what should be done before September, before my project is over. I still have to refocus on what is already done and what the results are on today before complaining and projecting on the future. Change in life made me hate the routine and I learnt to love myself out of the routine.

 

 

 

 

 

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#mygrandself meaning of life Purpose

The notion of being satisfied in life and success

being satisfied in life success _ grandselfA friend of mine told me today about the notion of being satisfied before satisfying others. The idea was raised when discussing about marriage. She said “one should start thinking about marriage after being satisfied with himself first.” A man (or a woman) should have a purposeful life already. His satisfaction and achievement in money, success and purposeful life should be the basics for finding someone.

After being satisfied, and being in the trace a man or woman should wait for the one to appear being amazed with the achievement.

But the real question is how a one gets satisfied.

Satisfaction is a result of purposeful life and achievement. A day in the live of the purposeful living being is progress. It is a life itself in the form of the living.

Living a satisfactory life is measured based on the general goals and vision of one self. Without such a goal, it would be judging based on emotion. It is hard to say the day is good or bad since it depends on the emotional state of the observer.  To live a satisfactory life, one should have a list of things that would make him/her satisfied if achieved.

Being satisfied is actually a life time job.

…Satisfaction has a responsibility with it.

If one plans to get satisfied to achieve a certain goal, then the person has a responsibility to live as per the life style the achievement brought. Some people are too satisfied with their rich they make and they spend it without second thought.

You love other as much as you love yourself. And you see people with in the periscope of your limited experience, therefore your achievement. Then you only attract those whose shadow aligned with yours. Your satisfaction in other’s achievement is as much as your satisfaction with yours’s. The flesh and bone of your satisfaction decides on what kind of life you want to live an that kind of people you want to attract.

 

 

 

 

Categories
anxiety stress success

How to beat worry and stress with the five second rule

stress _ grandself

Stress

“What am I doing?” I asked my self siting on a dusty stair in my school years. “What am I doing? Is this life? Is this it? Why am I stressed out?” I was not sure what to do as a mute book worm teenager whose ultimate goal was to please my superiors. My life was a closed book with chapters of stress and pain. Obsessed in the dilemma of the modern education where I suffered to keep my grades high while the rest of the world having fun. Without such sacrifice, the fulfilment of desire was impossible. But no matter what I did or no matter how I got on the top of the class every time, there was a gap between what I got and what ‘I should have got’.

I remember one day my perfectionist father told us to study and get good grades at schools with out him telling us what to do. And we did. I stood first, getting better grades than the rest.  Back home I was delighted , but soon to realise that wasn’t enough. That is nearly improbable. And it made an impact. This means what ever I get , there is more and i don’t have celebrate, i have to work more. (Is that good? I don’t know.)

No matter I am good at something there is more waiting for me… And I found myself sitting on dusty stairs, years after, asking myself what am I doing. Is life…?

What is stress anyways? Why am I always stressed? Stress for me is body’s pressure under the unknown. Like fear, it is a tool that makes us cross the river with great care. It gives us the temporary glitch of mind and body and assist us fight the fight with attention and fiercely.

But what if the stress become part of life? What if it overwhelmed us and makes us prisoners. This is where the problem arises.

I will show you one trick that helped many people get rid of unnecessary and irrelevant stress out of their life. This trick is called the 5 second rule of author Mel Robbins.(she even has a book on it, very powerful) Mel Robbins says “motivation is garbage”. Motivation, especially that you see in YouTube or motivating oneself does not come handy when we need them or when we are trapped in the problem. Emotions like stress and fear are not real, they are illusions created by mind to keep us safe.

For example, a classic man has to fear of the unknown or what is beyond the forest, as his life depends on it. These who don’t fear will let their way in to the forest and lose leg to wild animal or human enemy. However; in this age fearing what is beyond the block is ridiculous. There is better security today and we don’t fear ambushing enemy or wild animal. But the hard-wired fear in our DNA or stress from ancestor’s gene gets us weak in this age. (Don’t get me wrong here a little bit fear is useful A little bit stress is nice. Because that is what helps us graduate on time or get the work done on time.)

Back to the five second rule. Mel says the best way to get rid of stress, fear, procrastination, not getting up on time, not being on time to  meeting you scheduled weeks before is to snap your mid out of the negative.

And she says if you can do that with in five minutes of the time when these thoughts emerge in your mind, then you can beat them to death.

Here is how you can do that.

When you want to get up in the morning and you feel to sleep some more ,don’t think about sleep or don’t stress about your waking up or even don’t motivate yourself out of bed. Just circle your hand from the back part of your head to the front side and count 5-4-3-2-1 and run yourself out of the bed. When stress comes to your mind don’t stress more to get yourself out of the stress. Just count 5-4-3…and affirm yourself or change your location or talk to people.

This technique is not actually new. Years before I learnt about the 3 second rule for starting conversation with a girl you want to talk with. The technique is basically to be unique of the guys out there. Most guys want to talk to a girl in front of them but stress out. They give reasons not to do that. ‘’she is not looking back. she is serious. Who is she with. I will talk to her if she notices me again’’. And almost every time they depart without talking.

The three second rule is different. You should be able to say anything, I used the technique as well to test its effectiveness. ‘Are you next to me?’’ I asked a Turkish girl who sits next to me on a plane. ‘’Are you the one?’’ I asked a black girl who sits next to me on a bus. ‘‘Hi’’, I said smiling with in three seconds and with friendly eye contact that silently begs for acceptance.

Ignoring my point of making myself a pickup magnet(oups), the five seconds rule is so powerful it can help you become independent from fear and stress. The secret is not to overthink in the moment.  Just kill your thinking mind and do the spontaneous.

My life is a stress indeed. But it is up to me to be in a zone that I need to be. I shall do whatever to change my mind and my experience. And I shall snap my thinking mind out of the experience and become a better man.

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What is the boundary of self sacrifice?

  1. Self sacrifice

self sacrifice

What is the line between empathy and self sacrifice?

Well, it is contextual. It should be. For a hopeless romantic like Steve who has no boundary for others but who is yet virgin and jobless and his new girlfriend threatens she would leave him if he doesn’t sleep with her as soon or if can’t afford the new dress she wishes, it is a sacrifice. He gives his last 25 dollars away to a homeless looking thief that danced in front of him only to rob him . His empathic self gave him the knife and alter of self sacrifice.

I spent most of my life worrying about what others think of me, pretending and to fulfil the social self to make everyone happy .

My recent emphatic endeavour to create peace for couple with dysfunctional relationship took my time and decency away. I endangered my wellbeing and freedom through the process. 

I finally felt… they all have one thing in common: for everything they receive, they expect more. And they need you until you have something to give.

I know…life is good when lived for self first. Even the book says, “if you have two,give one.” If you only have one, how can you give?

read more on three layers of success that helps you where you are and why you are sacrificing instead of living.