grandself , mygrandself update

# I still feel that life is so short. The life that we thought was long as a child is no more. If you waste your fun 20s then your 30s are serious ones. Then is 40. It is few years away and should not be that old. But it is. Unless you do something good that contributes to your legacy it is not enough.

# Decision needs blind action. Over criticism. self-destructs the decision. The reality is life is always s unreasonable. Its possible outcomes are not always controlled and determined. It is better to take the first step and wait to see where you stepped. And learn a better place where to step the next foot.

#I have to make random and out of the box changes just now to fulfil the plans I have for the next one year. This could demand breaking the pattern of the current life I live. And that could backfire on me at any moment.



10 ways How lack of confidence limits success and what to do about it.

 lack of confidence

In this age confidence is everything. Lack of confidence is self destructive habit. Without confidence you can’t be on the top of what you can become. Successful people including the introvert and the shy are charismatic and confident about their ability and they act when the occasion demands it. If you suffer from lack of confidence then it is sure that you are not living with your best self.

Here are 10 ways how lack of confidence is limiting your success and you even don’t know about it. 

1-You settle for less.

Today’s world is full of things that were only fantasy decades ago. The women, the men, the information, the technology, the fashion all are surplus and not otherwise. Settling for less is only self-fault, result of less self-esteem and lack of confidence. If you are comfortable living in the norm or the negative of the world, then, you should watch out. You have every right to marry the person you like. Or you have the option to work where ever you want. All you have to do is to improve yourself along the way. But if you find yourself deciding based fear then based on your capabilities, it is sure sign of lack of self-confidence. If you are disciplined sure you can do the job. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

2-You constantly find yourself expecting the worst.

A girl one time told me how her intuition of expecting the worst in every condition gave her happiness in every event. If you are one of the people like this girl, then you obviously are suffering from lack of confidence. Expecting the worst and getting the worse is same. Bad is always bad. As everything is perspective,you should choose to live on the brighter side of life.

3-You are friends with losers.

We don’t admit that we are the average of the five friends we have. Addicts think they are not addicts and they can stop any time until they are proved otherwise. Believe it or not if you hang out with losers, it means that is where you see yourself fit. Your friends are the result of your confidence level. Lack of confidence attracts you to people with low confidence.

4-You have no vision.

People with lack of confidence live in their minds. They are always trapped inside a dark shell where they learn to ignore the pain of this world. They live to pass the moment barley acting in it. They are stones of the ocean, taking space. Confident people have vision. They know what to do next. Their dream drives them. Their fear and bravery is for the sake of the dream. Don’t forget to have a vision in life. Live a life with purpose you made.

5-They are huge time wasters.

People with low self-esteem don’t appreciate their contribution. In fact, they don’t appreciate their existence. Time is not worth of them. They think that other’s happiness is better than theirs. They spent more time on others than on themselves. We all have time where we wept with a wrong crowed, only to lull them for long, that we forget to live our life. Don’t waste your time on things that does not fulfil your purpose.

6-They give away what is good for them.

Have you ever saw something and wished it for someone else other than you? People who see something perfect and think “I should give this to someone else” is probably suffering with lack of confidence. This underneath has a meaning that you are not fit to get that specific thing that you loved and someone else is. Next time when you see something good take it for yourself. It could be a person, a material, a fortune, and only when you have two feel free to share it.

7-You don’t say “NO!”.

What is your boundary? DO you have any at all? We all know one person that suffers from manipulation from his loved ones. When you do good for others, don’t be deceive, that they will thank you and repay for it. The reality is they ask for more. And if you can’t do it, they will hate you for it. If you don’t say “no” for things that you don’t believe in or for things that you can’t do, then you probably have lack of confidence. You should understand that you have the full right to accept or to ignore any event or request. You are the judge and the leader. Be one.

8-You whine a lot.

This is obvious. We see a lot of whiners everywhere: ignorant CEOs, weeping co-workers and complaining lovers. A lot of whining is a result of non-satisfaction in life but also lack of confidence. When you find yourself complaining rather than doing something, that is the moment to take care. You are wasting a precious time. Believe in yourself. Never complain even if you lose your arm.

9- You have no love for others or anything for that matter.

People who suffer from lack of confidence usually don’t love or appreciate themselves or others. Their self-love is an inflated ego resulted from fear of being exposed. Their love is out of fear of being lonely. Love is for confident people who have the road map.

Love is a result. You can’t love something with decision. Learn to be more confident and to love yourself no matter what then you will learn to love something else.

10- You have no principle.

When you find your self being impressed with the trash of pop culture and its flawed teachings, then watch out. You are probably brainwashed to give up your personal principles in exchange for the minutes event on the TV. You are better than many people that you see on TV, both ethically and intellectually. If you don’t believe that I doubt your confidence. Ignoring moral code for a blind loyalty for things that you barely know is lack of confidence.

Learn to love yourself. Believe in yourself. Your opinion is better than TV’s opinions. Don’t waste time on unimportant events. And learn to say no for some events and requests. Complaining does not do the assignment, Instead, learn to get things done. Learn to love yourself so that you can love others and anything else. Make you principles and follow them strictly. Ignore that does not fit your principles. You will be good.


How to gain confidence: 10 tips to gain confidence faster than you think

How to gain confidence

how to gain confidence _ grandself

The idea of how to gain confidence starts from understanding about your self image. Do you need an instant confidence gain in your self? Or do you need a confidence boost for your next date or a presentation or even in your daily life?

Here are 10 tips to instantly gain confidence in your self. 

1-Learn about the stuff that makes you insecure.

Lack of confidence is usually the result of being unsure of the situation that you are in. When you have enough knowledge of the subject that you are dealing with, then, you will be confident that you will do it. Learn to educate yourself consistently to become confident. There are thousands of free sources on the internet on any topic. What you have to do is to be willing to learn.

2-Believe in the experience.

The first step to any action is the objective. How to gain confidence should start from a certain useful purpose or a goal. The rest is the experience. The more you experience the thing, no matter how many times you failed in the process, the result becomes worth telling. When you believe in the experience, more than the result, then you will have more results than your expectations. And that is wired but beautiful.


The problem with most people out there is the limited practice of something that everyone has. When it comes to the social scenarios, one needs a continuous experience than a onetime big event. When you start experiencing various events then you start getting used to the status quo. The smallest things that bother you before, no longer become a problem. The third tip of how to be confident is to stop overthinking and to jump into the field and learn from experience.

4-Learn to let go.

Failure is good, when it is a result of a purposeful action. We usually don’t have the chance to see how many times people failed before they become successful. How to gain confidence starts from to not see life as serious.

Life is to be traded with. It demands a constant improvement. What matter is not failing but getting up and keeping going. Let go of the past. Don’t be hard on yourself. Embrace your failures or challenges as your assets and trade with them.

5-Befriend these whom you like to be like.

The short cut to success is to be with successful people. Period. Some call this networking others mentors.  The reality is These people will show you that life is about improvement. How to gain confidence is not natural but time based. It is process. You learn that these people have failed harder and more than any of the people you knew. This made them successful.

6- Don’t be afraid to embrace about your weakness.

Once I told a complaining girl that her life without a parent could be seen as an opportunity. The comment drove her crazy. The reality is , instead of complaining, learn to embrace the things that seem out of the ordinary in your life. If you are fat, you can get thin. Why the fear just work on your body. But if you are short you probably die that way. So why the tear? Why the complaint? Embrace that and dare to talk about your shortcomings. Teach people about it. Tell your view to the world.

7-The world is as much as you think it is.

If the world is dark for you then it is dark. If the world is light then it is. It is as much as you think. No more. The world does not change even after two world wars.

We make the meaning in life. Change your mind to change your life. How to gain confidence starts from seeing the world in a different eye. This demands a decision and a constant work. It needs blocking your mind from overthinking of the negative.

8- Take more actions

People who do are more confident than people who plan and study. Too much thinking and critics is suicide. We usually disprove and kill our own big ideas. 80 percent of our thought is negative.  When you take actions with goals, you still have rooms for improvement. You can change your goals along the way. The world approves those with a result or with a tangible work. A musician should have a recorded work on a CD. That format has more power than the spoken one. Don’t tell people that you do something, show them. How to gain confidence needs a constant action, failure and improvement.

9- Know nothing is perfect.

You see others with fake faces and bodies and with calculated actions and you compare then with yourself and you conclude that you are less of them. The reality is that you can’t judge a thing with its cover. What is real is what is inside. There are thousands of insecure people with fake smile. Don’t compare yourself with others. That is unfair.

10- Snap your brain out of it.

The Mel’s 3 second rule is important here. Your brain is full of the negative. Unless you snap out of its failing thought, it gives you hard time. Learn to break the pattern by stopping your mind at the right moment. You are not your thoughts. Then breaking them won’t change your real self. So next time you feel insecure about talking to others, snap yourself out of it and just run to meet the people.  How to gain confidence is by snapping your mind out of the pseudo fear and telling it that everything is OK.

If you need more check 6 confidence boosters that you can use right away..

Life has no meaning: 4 ways to make a meaning in life to live a grand life

life has no meaning _grandself”Life has no meaning.”

That is a great leap for a layman to define the whole in four words. What is life anyways and what is meaning? How do you identify when something has no meaning?

Well that needs some scientific explanation. But that is irrelevant to this article.

I speak in terms of experience, only in terms of the limited understanding that we all have, but probably won’t use anyways.

My empirical engagement in life suggested that we make a meaning in the life. Our decisions, our actions and our interactions make the smaller images that we individually want to see in the world possibly without a grand comprehension of the big image.

So, how do we make meaning in life in the world that has no meaning.

1-We live to experience and through the experience.

What is life for you? List the things that makes you believe that you have life or the things that makes a meaning in your life. These meanings are probably your experiences. For example, your personal meaning for life is to make others happy. And making happy involves your love life, your family life or your work life. It is all about your experiences and your engagement in the world.

What you do every day makes the meaning in your life. My life meaning and yours is different in shape and form.

A meaning of life for some is dark and dangerous. For others, it is a prison to escape. For some it is all about the short-term happiness no matter the consequences.

I can’t tell you about the experience that you should enjoy. It is in fact true that our life is in congruent with that we call moral or immoral. Live your life in the moral side, without affecting the world negatively.

Life has no meaning; we make meaning through the experience. Live to the fullest of what you can and what you have. Identify things that you want to do based on your experiences and do them.

2-Life has no meaning. Life is living now.

Tomorrow or yesterday are out of our natural control. No matter what quantum physics or others teach, the reality is we don’t know what happens within an hour. The only true control you have is on now. You can continue reading this text or you can escape it. You can shout at the very moment or you can sit still. Or you can do it as long as the conscious agrees.

If now is the time, why not enjoy now?

Enjoy each moment. Refuse to live a second of mediocrity. Say no if it does not fit you no matter the risk.

Recently I had a discussion with a group of stake holders for some project. In fact some were smart people from different parts of the world. In the middle of the meeting, I noticed that most of the things discussed were not useful for the project in anyway. It was not useful for me nor was it satisfying the implementation of the project. Guess what, I cut the meeting and asked the boss to conclude so that I could leave.

I decided not to waste time on something that don’t see fit my limited time.

And this decision doesn’t go without risk. I had lost friendship from some and others hated my bold move.

No matter how it turns out live the life you enjoy.

3-Life has no meaning. We make meaning though purpose.

To make a life meaning, always think about your purpose. What is that one things that bugs you to do. It could be so small that it makes others doubt you. Do these make a meaning to your life. Live them as fast as possible before your age runs out.

I believe discovering your purpose could take time. Instead of thinking “my purpose is to care for the poor,” Why don’t you go out and start caring for the poor? Do that for a year and not your experience. And decide if you truly want to do that.

Everyone has one thing that they will be known with. Some are drunk others are inventors. It depends on your dedication on your purpose. You might know record breaking athletes with good business skills. After 100 years people remember their records not the money they make.

Life has no meaning. Your make your meaning through your purpose.

4- life has no meaning. The meaning is individual.

Life is like opinion. Your live it or you hate it, you are right.

“It is beautiful.” Yes and no. There is no definite answer. It is the Individual that makes meaning.

Then how do you make your meaning? How do you define your life at this very moment?

In order to define the meaning of your life, define what you want it to be in 10 years. How do you want to live life, how do you want to be seen what problems you want to solve? If you answer this question. You can define your life. and the meaning comes in the very moment when you live that big picture.

A day in athlete’s life is not on a sofa but your’s could be. It is about the purpose and what you are willing to do.

Life has no meaning. You make the meaning through your experience. This means your experience makes the meaning and not otherwise.


Self-image: The guide on how to create a grand self-image

What is Self-image image and why does it matter?

Self-image is a mental picture of the self. It is the image you make of yourself in your mind. It is the set of ideas you have about your own qualities and abilities. You make your image based on your experience, your environment and even through other’s opinion of you. The collective opinion of yourself is a Self-image.

Your self-image is created when you think of your appearance, your carrier, your position in the society or even your worth.

Your Self-image is made of your strength and your weakness and your perception of it. When a person has a low Self-image, then they tend to get shy or even depressed, hiding away from public. They try to change their appearance by changing everything that they don’t like.  Low Self-image is a source of problems in a person’s life since it creates sense of unworthiness in life. With it lack of success and depression become daily part of life.

On the other hand, too much of Self-image could be expressed through narcissism. Narcissism is too much ego that makes a person think that they are above everyone and everything is possible for them. This also is a problem since it creates a social chaos.

What is a healthy Self-image?

Healthy self-image is a balanced image. It is based on real world experience. It does not create pseudo impression of self-based on one’s fears or other’s opinion, but on cautiously identified image of the self. The negative Self-image create a negative self-perception that is based on critical judgement of the self. This judgement takes the negative side and is based on past failure, level of achievement, or income levels or education levels and it manifests on a single negative side.

People with poor Self-image constantly try to prove themselves in every situation and they fear how the society would react to their weakness. They became defensive and lonely trying to cover their flaws.

Others have overly inflated image that is larger than life. They consider others to be a chaos and destruction when they are the only angels in the world. These could be successful people but with stingy character that push everyone away.

Having a balanced Self-image is necessary to live a harmonious life.

How healthy Self-image is expressed

1-Positive outlook on life

Optimism and hope govern a good life. Hopeful person has a positive outlook on life. This is what makes the world to progresses regardless of the reality. It is unfair for a person to have a complete negative outlook on life. Having hope is part of healthy life. If you have a healthy image of yourself, you don’t fear tomorrow. You know you can do and become better in life. You are not caught up in the challenges the world poses. You know you can do it and you do it. You don’t blame yourself for failures. You don’t criticise yourself until you become depressed.

2-Balanced image of the self

You are not a perfect being. Nobody is. A person with a balanced Self-image celebrates the success and accepts the loss. People with these Self-image accept their flaws and see how they can improve it. They recognise opportunities to create a better self-image.

3-Healthy Self-image does not misunderstand the idea of self-worth

or the person’s importance in the society. Your self-worth is not defined by your success and failures, but with your potential and what you can offer to the world. You have high self-worth since you are a human being and you are capable of change. Your self-image should not affect your self-worth. This is what leads many people to idea of suicide. You should not judge your self-worth by what your life looks like today.

self worth_self image_img

How can I create healthy Self-image?

As discussed above, self-image is a creation of the mind. It is the perception of the mind about oneself. This means you created that self-image regardless of the physical reality of it. This is means you can shape your self-image even though the physical reality stays same.

I know a story of woman who had surgery more than once to remove her long nose. In reality, her nose was so small that the doctor didn’t want to do the surgery on her. Even after half of her nose is gone in the first surgery, she wanted to go through the knife for the second time and for the third time.

Everything is in the mind.

Here are 3 steps create a healthy Self-image.

Ask three questions: what is my self-image; how do I think of myself; What challenges do I have that makes me despair. In order to answer the question, what you have to do is to list what comes to the mind.

  • Do you think you have a healthy Self-image? If yes, why?
  • when is the last time you blamed yourself for a long time so that you mind create that picture of you?
  • Has anyone told you that you are not worthy of their time.
  • Has anyone cheated on you? How does that affect in your life in your work life? write it as exhaustive as possible.

Summarise your ideas and see what kind of image you created for yourself. Is is the exaggerated or the poor self-image? Understand your self through your current perception. In order to change your ways, you first have to understand them.

Now, create a strong and clear Self-image that reflects your self-worth and strengths.  Don’t emphasise on the negative. You might have bad temper or you might be 30 pounds overweight. Luckily these are easily changed if you are willing to work on them. The only problem here is your cooperation and enthusiasm. If that is possible, why the need to create a poor self image.

Instead write a statement of your healthy Self-image. “I am beautiful,currently 30 pounds overweight but that does not define who I am or my self-worth. I will work out 5 days a week to lose 30 pounds with in the next 6 months. I want to do that since it is affecting my self-image.”

Then get dirty with work. Trying to change your self-image based on imagination or affirmation is like believing it is not snowing when the outside is white as a paper. Instead, try to change your story. Get education if you are affected with lack of education. Go hit that gym if your Self-image is affected by it. Go make friends if you are loner and your feel bad for yourself. Try as much as you can. And your will be OK.

Finally, self-image is a mental construction of the self. Everything of Self-image is inside the mind. Since there is not a perfect measure of Self-image, it is possible to misjudge Self-image. To become healthy human being, one should have a balanced self-image. Without it life becomes stressed and boring. Then get up and follow the article in to action.

Tell me, what did you learn from this. What is your self-image?

How to overcome low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a problem that many of my readers share. We all had that time that we were self-conscious and with low sell-esteem. That is no problem as we are imperfect beings. The problem is when the issue of low self-esteem becomes a lifestyle. It is to be though of when low self-esteem makes us a slave of its own and we fear and sweat on daily situation. This includes, how we respond on social situations: fear of speech, fear of holding a conversation, fear of rejection,fear of the unknown fear of tomorrow. These are some of the fears that are reflected through low self-esteem.

Don’t believe when other sources tell you that you have low self-esteem when in reality that you are uninterested of a specific social situation or when you are afraid of speaking on your next meeting. This is normal. Everyone, until educated otherwise, have been through that.

This article is not for that kind of situation. This is for those who believe that they have a constant challenge of expressing themselves because of fear of the unknown.

People with low self-esteem have that avoidance and shadow character where they are invisible in the crowed even if they are the mind behind the whole thing. Their work is unrecognised since their low self-esteem push them to hide it for fearing the response.

If you truly believe you have low-self-esteem issue than I write six points on how to overcome low self-esteem.

1-First, is education.

Knowledge through reading and learning is worth solving a challenge. If you read this then you have more probability to figure out how to respond to your challenges. Leaders and strong people out there have a history of reading or gaining constant relevant knowledge that gives them the advantage to standout in life. If you look closely , there are thousands and thousands of materials out there on every topic. what you have to do it to read and learn.

John was fearful when in social situations, especially in dating. when ever his dating time gets closer, the gets deep in to mind freeze. he sits there clicking the mouse on his PC , with no progress. His life was this way till one day we discussed about his issue. I suggested him to read three books and a recorded seminar on dating. His doubt was obvious until i met him again after six months. for my surprise , he was bold, knowledgeable and he was out of his box, already.

2-Avoid perfection

perfection is a mood killer. Acting perfect all the time is boring. For me, times I tend to be perfect were times that took all my energy and left me helpless. And at the end I learn everything I did could be done another way. And all these tiny things that I picked are unnoticed. This left me on the air. I feel I have no power to defend myself of the comments. The criticism against the time I spent on the work could not be equivalent. This created a defensive character. And as you know defensive people struggle with lose self-esteem. To overcome low self-esteem, you have to learn to let go. You have to agree with your imperfect part. You should be willing to fail. It does not matter after all.

3-Be vulnerable.

This is cliché, I know. But how many people you know are vulnerable enough for you to see inside their heart. Too much of vulnerability is weakness. But when you are able to let go of yourself and express yourself, there the magic starts.

People are begging to see inside you all the time. They need you to speak your mind. Everyone one is waiting for someone else with the character to intervene and save the day. How to overcome low self-esteem starts with being open of your ideas.

People always argue with you at first when they hear your opinions. But later your ideas and actions become a norm. Every worth idea has been argued with. If you keep your ideas to your self, they will die with you. But if you let it out, then you will see their strength and weakness and the is beautiful. To overcome your low self-esteem, practice to be open and vulnerable all the time.

4-Change your lifestyle.

Days before, I met a woman who had a bad body Oder. She was constantly telling me how other guys are not attracted to her. I could clearly read her despair on her. She said, ”I am beautiful, why is everyone avoiding me? Why are they mocking me?”

You don’t know yourself like others could tell you, sometimes. You have to be vigilant enough to see who you are and how you act. A slight of mistake could give you a different image. What is your life style? Visit a doctor for a general check-up or change your cloths, change your style. Low self-esteem is usually a result of a subconscious reflection of unidentified conscious reality. Avoid illegal scenarios in life, they say, ”a monkey with a fart can’t jump since others would laugh on her.” Then to remove the fart, remove the source first, then your will be OK.

5, Break the immoral.

This is not religious text. But all we have that moral code in life. At the same time, we have worries and regrets. To overcome self-confident, remove all these immoral things that gives your mind a work. This could be pornographic contents, bad habits, drugs. These are usually unacceptable for the sane in the society. And living with these give you a hard time to be true to yourself. To overcome your low self-esteem, remove these things that makes you regret. When you meet life with clear mind and clean conscious , you will act with self esteem.

Continue reading how to improve self-confidence: 5 secrets to improve self-confidence . That post will teach you how to overcome low self-esteem with detain steps and actions. Before going there, please be true to yourself and do the homework you read on this post. Read books, watch seminars, and try to be vulnerable even if you are to blame. Change your day by changing your life style and change your environments. Identify problems you have against the five pointers and list them and figure out with to do with them.




How to improve self-confidence: 5 secrets to improve self-confidence

how to improve self-confidence

Self-confidence is a skill. It is something to be practised to be attained. It does not come for free. Even a son of a worrier can become the weakest of the nation. DNA does not guarantee braveness. You only be brave when you want to be one.  Many authors and scientists talked about how to improve self-confidence. But most of them are associated with abstract spiritual and cult like rituals. In order to become confident, one have to realise, just like another skills, self-confidence has a process. It has As and Bs to be counted before getting to the next. There fore; unlike the cult of imagining your self being confident, you need to do some work before achieving the end result.

Here are 5 ways on how to improve self-confidence.

1-Jumping in to the fire.

If you want to learn about fire, the best way is to touch it. This is how the kid learn about its effects;by touching. Such skills don’t come with only reading but by doing. A swimmer has to be in the water to learn to swim. No matter how much they study, they won’t swim in water.

If you want to improve your self-confidence, stop reading further. The only thing you should do is do.

List things that makes you doubt your power and go out and do them. The miracle of practice is it gets you out of your zone and slay you alive, if you don’t dare to stand your ground. Your self-confidence is not examined with your knowledge but with your ability to apply the knowledge.

Now stop for a moment and list your weaknesses when it comes to your self-confidence. Prepare a table or use the table below and fill them as fast as you can. If you can’t identify your weakness, it Is ok. Just remember when was the last time you were conscious of yourself or fearful?  Note how you felt. What did you do unconsciously?

When am I less confident When was I less confident last time
 1  1
 2  2
 3  3

Now this is the secret. Listing your fear and insecurity is only the half of the job.  List your goal and be realistic. Write “in three month, I will date 5 potential mates and choose the best one for me. For this I will go to weekly party at the neighbourhood. Besides I will read the three books I have (name them) on dating.”s  Then go and do it. That is, it. Just jump in to the pool but with safety on.

2-Live with the eagle.

They say an eagle who lives among the hen is hen. No more. You will only understand that when you find strong people who have realised their power. If you live with the victim, you will soon assume to be the victim. Your level of power is assumed to be averaged between the five closer friends you have. If they are losers then you are too. Think, where do you spent your time? What have you done today. How to improve self-confidence is answered here with demanding to change your environment. Write below, where do you spent your time? With whom you spent your time? What is their achievement? Are they better than you are in any way? What talent do they have that you don’t have? And what talent do you have that they have? Do they align with your purpose? Change your life changing your habits

My friends and their achievement Where I spent my time My feelings about how I spent my time
 1  1  1
 2  2  2
 3  3  3

On the third column, conclude your feelings and your thoughts. Your self-confidence is improved by understanding the effect of your surrounding on you. Without you isolating yourself from the weak and the victim, you can’t become confident. Start improving yourself by separating yourself from the group.

 how to improve self-confidence

3-Be socially fit.

How to improve self-confidence could be tackled from the social perspective. After all, we all are conscious of our interaction with the society. Criticisms happen when what we have and the society’s assumption of what we should have diverges. To improve self-confidence, you don’t have to become the knowledge of the society. But you should at least fulfil some of the moral and cultural dogmas that we want to see in others.

One is being fit. You might hate me for it. But it is true. You happen to be more insecure when you are overweight than when you are fit. You have self-confidence when you have studied for the exam than when you have spent your time smoking weed. That is the difference. When you know that you know, you are confident. Learn to dress clean. Be clean. Take shower as much as you can. Become neat. Learn to talk clear and precise. Have good friends.

It is through the process you become more confident. Learn what made you less confident last time and try to change that. People worry about how to improve self-confidence when the real source of the problem is their social awkwardness. You should learn social skill and develop your emotional intelligence. At the same time don’t lose your balls playing with acat, it might not be returned to you in one piece as you have thrown it. Learn to be careful not to lose you self in the tide.

4-Don’t give a crap.

To improve self-confidence, learn not to worry of what others think of your actions. After all the world has its own hidden agenda and ambitions. Do you remember the donkey story from Asia? Here it goes. A farmer goes to the market with his son and his donkey. While arriving onto the next town, they hear people whispering ‘’they are stupid, they have a donkey but they are walking in the hot sun’’. When they entered the next town they sit on the donkey. The people said one another ‘’they are cruel, they are killing the donkey’’. And before entering the next town, they carried the donkey on their heads. And the people were surprised and said ‘’they are crazy, they are carrying a donkey’’. The father said to the child, ‘’ child, you can’t satisfy everyone, just do what you want to do.’’

The moral of the story is whatever you do people find a hole in your integrity. They will criticise you. They will make you doubt yourself and your stand. You start doubting yourself and you stop being you. If you care about the world much, then you won’t go far. The way how to improve self-confidence is to learn that the world has its views and you can’t be everything. Just be you. And practice to be you. Speak out your mind any time. If you don’t like the meeting to happen, take a calculated risk and advise them with all your guts to stop the meeting. That is all it takes. If you see a kid beaten up, don’t pity him and pass. Go and stop it.If you have something to say, don’t sit there until others mumble their non-sense answers. Raise your hand and say it. Everything is OK and will be OK.

5-Affirm yourself.

What are you? You say “I am confidence person.” It is hard to say I am confident when your heart doubt that. Psychologists say , majority of our thoughts are negative. That is crazy. Almost 70 percent of what you think is negative. And what parents, the environment say about us is mostly negative. And to replace that negative, they say, you have to speak 9 times positive words. It is a lot of work since you have been told thousands of negative statements. What words have your parents or your friends have said to you that stuck in your mind for long? If know it, write it down in your note book. Write the whole story. Write how it affected you. How it affected your decision in life. How to improve self-confidence depends on admitting your weakness and how they took advantage of it to improve you without realising they are harming you. After that shape few statements that you can say to yourself. If you have been told that you are stupid at school and that is making you doubt your confidence, then write your positive counter statement saying “”I am smart, I am genius.” Whenever your mind is caught in the trap, stop your mind, pull it back to present and say. ’I am smart, I am genius, I work hard an improve my confidence.’’

how to improve self-confidence is only answered with work and developing it as a skill. People usually say how to improve self-confidence has a solution only through constant attraction through mind and imagination.In reality even faith with out work is nothing.  How improve self confidence needs a constant work. Don’t despair with one night work work. After all you learn how to improve self-confidence through practice, believe and through admitting your weakness.

Comment below , what is one thing you have taken from this article?



The guide to understand and solve self-esteem issues

What are self-esteem issues

Besides our pretentious social rituals, most of us fight with self-esteem issues. The story is everywhere. It is in our neighbourhood, it is in our city. The father who struggles to cop up with the son’s masculinity; the husband who have self-esteem issues in bed with his wife; A girl friend who have self-esteem issues figuring out whether he is the one; a girl who has self-esteem issues with her body size and image.

The self-esteem issues are everywhere; we all have them. We are conscious of self and we tend to criticise a lot of our self. We don’t like out circular face; we hate how that dress fits us. We are not sure of how the other guy takes out speech of the night. This is a self-esteem war. It is between the mind and the body. It is between the conscious and the world. It is a war of the unseen : it is the war of the mind.

self-esteem issues

The source of self-esteem issues

It is said the population is getting less with less self-esteem especially after world war 2, after the distribution of the media. The world knew what is trend, what is hip and what is good and what is bad. The beauty of the actress in the black and white screen mattered not only for the women but also for the men. The women still compere themselves with the beauty of the screen under the make ups. The men compere their women with the screen and doubt their choice. The measure of beauty became confused with the ideal and the creation of the mind. You see the better beauty made with plastic. The perfect models with Botox and inflated chests became the wish of the teen. ”When I grow up I need to be a woman with these breasts.” That is the voice of the generation.

The new advertisements create a Utopian world with confused message. The hair lotion is advertised with long haired women form east Europe who have never seen the product minutes before the shoot. As the ‘norm is boring’, exaggeration is the reality of the TV. Nothing is real. But this creates self-esteem issues with in the youth and even the adult.

If you grow up watching these shows and movies, you start doubting yourself. The perfect images will haunt you. You judge the girls you meet with the actresses. You love Halley berry skin colour and your white girl friend should look tanned like her. His eyes should look like tom cruise.

I recently met this girl who was attracted to me. We went out for a day or two and I was attracted to her as well before I figured out her self-esteem issues. Under the confident demeanour and her pretty look she was broken. She talks about relationship but only to fulfil her broken heart; talks of future life but from money side only ; needs her guy to have a big house and great cars. and take care of her. She was absent in the mind and she is living somewhere else, daydreaming. She is living like 18 when she is 28.

I judged her in my mind, noticing her flaws once I got closer to her. I was willing to let everything go to accept her. But self-esteem issues were everywhere creating hurdles on the way. Her body, her age, her wish and the reality created a new persona in her. She pretends to live when she is supposed to live.

How to know you have self-esteem issues

You know you have self-esteem issues when your reality and your thought gets confused. You need to go to the party but you have the issue with your looks and you spent 65 hours choosing dress, you lip gloss and your out fits. But seconds before your lift arrives, you stand in front of the mirror thinking “why am I so fat?”

Your lack of competence in life makes you a bully but you even don’t notice it. You make the smart ones suffer and you keep doing it because it gave you a sense of purpose.

Your outcast persona made you a victim. To escape the reality, you spent the day watching TV and listening to music. You don’t want your mind to be on the present since it is so critical and it depresses you. You want to escape your stress but it gets more when you think about it.

You can’t pass in front of others without getting nervous. You don’t answer questions and you don’t engage in meeting forfearing what other will say. You sit at the corner and watch when these less IQ people arguing without a point. You have a better idea but you can’t say it.

You have to go to your child’s theatre class but you have a job to do. You at least created one. You don’t to be in front of these parents who are judgemental.

This is a reality. Many people have these self-esteem issues.

How to solve self-esteem issues

The scientists classify fear and self-esteem issues as a consequence. These are the result of two areas of life: the psychological or lack of knowledge. For example, 78 percent of Australians has fear of driving.

When you want to go on a date and you notice you have self-esteem issues, it might be due to psychological part of you that is you might have traumatic experience or you have noticed somebody get shut down; you have developed a fear for intimacy or your source of comparison are your parents broken marriage.

On the other hand, you might have noticed the self-esteem issues because of lack of knowledge. You don’t know what to do next. You don’t have clue of what the girl needs or even what every woman needs.

On the first case, treating psychological case is harder. If you think your problem is psychological, consult physician. That is the shortest cut to solution. If not try to build up your confidence from the way up. Re-imagine yourself in a different way. Break your daily pattern, change the place you live in. Pick a new habit and a new friend.

If your problem is in the second one, then all we have passed in it. This is lack of information. You just have to realize you have less knowledge in the matter and get ready to gain more knowledge. Read books, watch movies, meet people, go on the field and try. After a failure is experience.

In my opinion, you should be able to create a new lifestyle that does not engage these pseudo looks and fake models in it. See people for what they are not for what they look like. Don’t be wrong here, don’t stop judging people. Discriminate one. It is only though this you can become better. But don’t judge people based on how tall they are or with their accent.

Six points to over come low self esteem 

On the other hand, stop comparing yourself with others. Don’t have ideal references that you can’t attain, although that could be good at times. Be true to yourself. Love yourself for who you are. If you have bleached skin, then darken it or love it. If you are created one legged, what can you do, you can’t make another foot. Then love that. Share that story. Forget others and their irrelevant opinions.

People spend time worrying about how people think of them. I had worried of failing for fearing how people would see me for it. I spent times thinking that instead of worrying about what i would lose through failing.

I recently watched a video on you tube where group of people are interviewed on what they think about themselves and on the other room others are asked about what they think of the person being interviewed.

The results were surprising. All of them had some critics when they talk about themselves. “This chin”, said the tall Asian guy. “I don’t like my body size” said the Caucasian girl with great smiles. This is the best part. The people on the other side said everything good aboput others. “His smile is good with that chick”, said the black girl. “He is tall” the other said. When the result was disclosed , everyone was surprised.

We tend to be hard on our self than on others. We accept others with ease but we don’t like our long nose or big eyes. That create self-esteem issues. Gary Veynerchuk talk about “finished product” were people compare themselves with the perfect image of others. A young basketball player can’t quit thinking he is can’t jump like Jordan. Because Jordan for him should his a goal not a discouragement.  Second, as the world is pretentious, what you see on others is the surface. That is majorly not real. What you know about your problems is usually real.  How can you compare yourself with others on that basis? That is unfair.

self-esteem issues raised from comparing oneself with others and with the abstract ambitions. To gain self-confidence again, you should start to be real to yourself. Respect your opinions, and never worry about what other say about you. Become the actor or the actress yourself. Set a standard. And live the life you want. Then your self-esteem issues will burn out instead.

7 simple but powerful steps to improve self confidence

6 confidence boosters when you feel low on your self esteem

Confidence is like an emotion, one time it is there and other times you can’t find it nowhere. Sometimes you might find that boost and return into your zone again.

Here I will give you 6 confidence boosters that I learnt thought out the years. Make sure to read all before scanning over and leaving to another page.

Here are six confidence boosters you can take and use today.

1-The world pretends.

Recently I read a small article on image social media filter functionality and how people manipulate image in order to look perfect. The world around you is pretentious. What you see is the illusion of the ideal. You don’t find a perfect skin that you see on magazines. You usually don’t find the perfect interviews like that you watch on TV. These are improvised. People take the best of them and put it as if their entire life is that perfect. Whenever you notice such a thing, try to see what lays underneath. How is the person acting and what are they trying to portray their images? Instead of being destructed with the body nude or the recent fashion , think what are they trying to hide or show or to divert you from. The world always pretends this way.

The number one confidence booster is to notice the world in its flaws. What looks perfect usually has a big flaw hidden in plain sight.

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2-Don’t think a lot.

Thinking is celebrated while the majority avoids it. The biggest difference between those who do and those who think is the achievement. Remember, when you grow on the ladder, you tend to think more than doing. You pass risks since they are much worse than the once that you see on the side walk.

But in reality, most social situations don’t have much risk unless you become ignorant. You don’t die saying “no” to your boss. But your ancestors died resisting leader’s thoughts. That does not happen today. Then why are you afraid?

The second secret of confidence boosting is to just do. You have something to say, just say it.

If you want to stand up and leave, don’t ask for permission unless it is necessarily needed.

You don’t like what you do, find another thing to do.

Don’t think just do.

Refer the 5 second rule. The rule goes like this what you do with in five seconds of your first thought, then you will definitely do it. If you keep asking your self “should I do it. Should I wake up form bed now…?”,then you won’t.

3-Confidence is an illusion.

It is all in the mind. When you think the day is boring, it is not the day that is boring, it is all in the mind. The same day is bright for others.

There is a story of a man who lost his job and whose wife left him on same day. In the middle of his depression, he received a call from parents that he had won a lottery. His sadness suddenly vanished. He jumped up and drove miles away to his parents’ house to only find out that they were only lying to comfort him. Human emotion is only on the surface. If you can change a deep depression with in a second and with one single news, then why can’t you be confident with choice.

The third of confidence boosters is to know confidence is an illusion, you can be confident by choice.

4-Change the spotlight position.

Another metaphor of confidence is a spotlight. An author explains becoming confident again by focusing the spot light back to others. When you are on the spot, you think every one’s attention is on you. Then you fear. But when you turn everyone’s spot light to themselves then you see them into the light. When you meet others and when you are nervous, they are nervous too. They have spent hours choosing that cloth like you did.

Next time, when you are on the spot, learn to change the spotlight direction onto others and see that no one is perfect.

The forth confidence boosters is to learn to see others with same spot light that they are looking at you. There is a reason for why you are on the stage and they are on the floor.

5-Get prepared.

If you are like the majority, you think of your presentation a day before the day. Prepared mind is more confident. If you know you have some problem on your dress, then you lose self-esteem. The secret is to be prepared. Be neat, tidy, and fluent in the day and it will be OK

The fifth secret of confidence booster is to be prepared days before the day. If you have low self-esteem, you should be doing this. Don’t act like self-confident people who prepare their notes on the corridor to the presentation or to the meeting. Know your level and get prepared.


Experience beats skill. When you know the north and the south of the issue at hand you know what to expect. The things that terrify me years before at work no more terrify me today since I learn the possible outcomes on the way. Low self-confidence is associated with lack of experience. The sixth confidence boosters is to go out and grind. Don’t sit and read how to be confident or how to do what. Go out and look, interact and learn from it.

Years before I had to cold-call people for a business. I was terrified, sitting long hours thinking and practising what to say. Unfortunately, as soon as the person on the other end picks up the phone,  my practice is all forgotten and I interact based on their emotion and energy. Later after few calls I learnt to become better. and I had better results on each call no matter how they responded.

What do you think? comment below. which do you find useful?