change yourself Lifestyle

Break the pattern of life to change your life

How do you change your life?

Well that seems easy when you are the outsider. But on that very moment that you realized that you need a change in your life, that is where it hits hard. You feel the pain right there under your groin, a pain that goes and comes until crumble in dispair. That is life.

“Life is a progress”, some say. It is being better than yesterday. The Japanese has a culture of not examining kids at beginning of elementary school and they evaluate performance based on progress of a student, not on its current performance at exams. Well, that is different from the west and the rest of the world where getting top is the always requirement.

So, how do you change your life since life is a constant change and complex problem when seen from inside.

Well, here is the solution.

First, you can’t change nothing from the perspective where you created the problem.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”


To solve something, you should change your perspective, your thought, your path, everything. This is where people lack the process. They want to change their life, but they don’t have the guts to change it from a different position. They try from the place they created the problem. It is similar to being an addict. The addict vows every morning not to drink anymore and every night they go out for one drink only to find them selves in regret the next morning. They want but they never change.

For a change to come, you should be willing to change your current position in life. The change of life is a result, if not pattern of results. You change, that is inevitable. But the change I am talking about the change of being sober and living as one. Or being successful in your current life. or becoming a great football star in 5 years kind of thing.

These problems could not be solved from the position you created the problem from.

Then what?

break the pattern _ life_ grandself

Lets assume, you want to be influential person or a great writer or any thing.

And here goes your current life pattern. Every morning you wake up at 8 and brush your teeth while looking your tired face in the dirty bathroom mirror. Exhausted, you are reminded of your desk at job, your colleagues. You change your cloth in minutes while grabbing your sandwich you made last night. You took your car key running out side. Looking back to your living room you noticed the sofa you slept on after coming home tired. Things are messed up at home and you are not happy. Any ways you must leave, to the work, to make money or whatever.

That is the reality of most people’s life. that was me months before. I was not that messy, but I wanted to be better. But better than what? I wanted to be the image that I created in my mind that others could see as impossible. The more I pushed myself to be one, I was in further away from the path.

1-If you want to change your life the first thing you should do is create the perfect image in your mind.

Think of the perfect example of the person you want to be or you want to share a character. On the other side put people you despise and don’t want to be like. Summarize these characters and reflect on yourself. How can you be one?

2-Don’t listen to your mind when it tells you that this is not the time of you can’t be that.

You can’t be great in a day. It is a constant improvement that makes a change in life.

3- After summarizing the things you want to become in a year or 5.

Change that in to an action. For example, you want to be as big as schwarzenegger, then, learn to bench press an hour a day for the next 2 years of your life and set what to eat and when to it. If you want to become slim like someone you liked on media, then learn how you can work out. Call and ask them how they did it. Get their courses, if they have one. And prepare to break the pattern.

4- Break a pattern.

Here is how you can do that. Here will be your daily routine. In the morning you no longer wake up at 8 and see yourself in the mirror tired and bored, wishing to get more sleep. You wake up in at 5 because you slept at 10 last night and you got good sleep. At 6 you run 2 miles on your trade meal and bench pressed 50 and did 200 push ups in one hour. After shower, you sat at your PC, with your coffee to check your email and to write your goals and diary. Within 30 minutes you finished writing 700 words, 3 goals of the day and schedules.

The next one hour you cooked for your family or for yourself you ate while reading the news.  It is not 8 yet. You picked your organised bag and your car key and walked out of the door. And you looked back a beautiful, neatly made room with a great scent.

You smiled consciously and walk out in to the cold morning.

Entering office an hour before any one and you see your colleagues entering the room greeting you. You have finished your work by now with great concentration.

You don’t watch the series you used to watch every night. Because you need a good break so that you can wake up in the morning.

You replaced the habit of watching porn at home in the evening by going out to meet friends and new people.

Your breakup with people that drag you down so that you are no longer complaining about life and how people hold you down.

The whole idea of breaking a pattern is to change the routine for at least until you for get your current life.

To do these you need a great pattern break that could erase the today’s habit. You can take a month vacation, without your PC or communications. That is hard. You can meditate there finding your real self and emotions. You can visit new places every day on the time that you think is making you hate your life.

To break the pattern, you should see life in different way. You should decide to replace your day with completely another. If you use internet all day. Break that by not using a PC for a week and when you are back from the vacation, continue not using it for more than an hour a day or less.

To change ,you need to break the pattern of your life. This is why addicts have sober get-together meeting. It is a way of realising your fear, anger or frustration.

Learn your life closer without fear and boundary. And decide what to become and how to become. Think of the life you love to plan it. And break the pattern strong and hard that you don’t want to be back.

meaning of life

What is life about? Reflection on the purpose of life on earth

What is life about? Sex, money, drugs, power? what is all this about.

When comparing the life of those who pursue these paths and others who sit dormant negating these. All have same destiny, of course death. But what is all this about it death is inevitable? What is life about above the pain and despair in our hearts.

What is life about? Serving god, being happy, or being spiritually fulfilled?

Is life being like these monks who sneak in to a forest, departing oneself from the rest of the world? Or is life about finding what it is about or theorizing your suffering as a purpose?

It is all a loop. What every you do you still have one think that one question that you still ask what is life about?

Here is what makes sense. Think of yourself as a person who lived it all and you are 70 sitting on your bed waiting to die. What would be that one thing that you would say would made you a better person? Just think of the time that you lived up to now and criticize it from the 70 years old of you.

What would you have done?

Life is about daring and doing your best. That is it. There is no perfection or the right way but being a better person each time.

There are two things that drag us down and make us doubt thinking what life is about.


Fear is the first killer. It has been a hormonal change to keep our ancestors safer in the woods. In this age, it is mostly a negative response. If you fear things would go wrong, you avoid doing.


This is the second life killer.

Then the purpose is to live for yourself than for others. This world is mostly a lie. Don’t tell me you are working on these thick papers at office to make a better world? You obviously do it for the money. And I tell you that does not fulfill your path.

The world is built when destroyed. The world is unfair settlement of human history. One throws a fist and others crumble on skeletons of their children. Nothing is fair and that is life. you can’t change that. The question is to find what life is about among this chaos.

First, is doing your part. Do what you do as perfect. Don’t do things that does not make you better person. Don’t waste energy on things that you think are hip. Never follow the crowed. Do what you do and what you like best.

Then, give as much as you received. If you have two shares one. But never give yours that is important.

Love your wife, your children no matter what they think of you. Don’t tell them show them. Don’t think do. Instead of telling your husband you love him, give him something he likes, be with him, do something for him to make him happy. Never follow a cause that doesn’t fulfil you. Causes has been here for long that we thing they are culture and obvious. But the world is a portion of what is accepted of these causes. Don’t be the sheep for these causes no matter what. Instead examine and take what is good for you. Don’t expect unrealistic and what you don’t have, instead look back to yourself. Start from what you have. Appreciate it. Don’t despise your body, instead embrace it and work to change it.

What is life about?

Life is living for one self and living for others. It is a way of surviving for a better life. Don’t be jealous or cruel instead be humble. Protect your beloved. Never every see them being harmed. Do whatever is necessary to protect them. Do as much as you can to put a legacy, not for yourself, but for the generation. And that is stupid to think on in terms of only yourself. This is the curse of youth as the young thinks only in terms of the life without the conception of death at the end of the tunnel.

But life is temporary and you soon will be forgotten. What matters is to put a legacy in terms of the world and the people. Think also of your spiritual life. As man is not purely a flesh, we need spiritual food. Love others, love god, live to benefit other, help the poor. And lastly, make your own list and make your own principles. And follow them have a vision of what you want to be in 10 years and grind to get to it.







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The hole between dreams and reality: the reason we are unfulfilled

It was a near death like moment, sitting next to my office desk, contemplating the possibility of how life would have turned out if I hadn’t taken this path. Life was indeed a cruel tester if not a test itself. I sat there in my chair thinking about the other thousands of paths I could have taken but didn’t take. They say at the end you regret what you didn’t do than what you did. But that was not my reality. I wiped my eyes off. I feared if someone runs into the office and seen me weeping like a little child lost in the streets.  

It is in that moment I saw a flash of not a light but a flash of the highlight of my life driven passed my memory in a deep dream-like state. I had no control on it nor did I fight for fearing it would vanish. And I sat there consciously, being reminded of my life in small and slight images.

I was gently reminded of my yesterdays in this world. I stood there as a separated self noticing my existence in the whole. I saw the mere reality of my worry in an identical state of mind soaked with unexpressed emotions.

Unable to speak, I sat there struggling to continue my daydreams after slightly woken up with fear and sweat. And I managed.

Why was I unsatisfied? Why did I want to be someone that I am not? Why didn’t I celebrate my strengths instead? And why did I see the half empty that the half full? Why should the world be fear of tomorrow instead of a space of hope?

I could not think but listen to my thought. ‘You can be rich. That is easy.’ The mind talked in a vague out of this world language. ‘You can. Remember!’, it said trying to reply to its own message. “What if you knock on a million doors asking for money for a dollar?”

“Improbable”, said the conscious, mentioning facts. “You will be tired., who will give you a dollar? People don’t have cash this days”

But at that very moment, it happened. It happened so real that I believed its presence. It is easy. To be a millionaire in a month. Infact it is easy to be what ever we want to be. But it is the conscious that believes what it sees.

‘Look the half full’, commanded the mind that I didn’t know before.

“Wow”, I responded with tears in my eyes. I am the luckiest in this world. I noticed myself for the first time, observing it from the very eyes of that is not myself but of other than myself. ‘People would die to be that being that you are now.’ It echoed. I was there thinking the nuts and bolts of the vague image of the mind.

What did I complain about? Love, marriage, days, morning, another day, social interaction? I am an alien with a human body.

That morning, while sitting at the same chair, consciously cried and prayed. I confessed the thoughts of the mind with the mere words that I could bear.

Then, I was in peace with myself.

I madly promised again and again to live my life in delight as if there is no more tomorrow. I pictured the life I needed and the life I wanted to live.

For the next three days, I was in same ‘trance’ but slightly drifting away from it.

..And few days later, I solved the mystry that stressed me at the time. On that same day, standing at taxi station, I called few people to make sure that the world was same around.

..And few months later except that memory of the flash, I was living on same old life, immersed in the confusion of my dream and the reality of the mind.

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8 time management activities to improve time management skills : grand self

Time management activities

Time management activities _graThere are various time management activities that could help you build your skill through time. As we have discussed before, time management is a skill rather than an innate behaviour. It needs a constant exercise to change habit and discipline to master the art.  These time management activities are necessary to develop the skill sets that you need to be efficient and effective.

Here, I will share with you 5-time management activities that could help you develop time management skills in a very short time.

1-Time is everything. Literally.

In order to develop a subconscious imprint of a certain activity, you should be able to repeat activities. It is through repetition that you become what you want to be. You will one day find yourself being that thing you wanted to be. And you will start to notice things that that were hard suddenly becomes easier. This is similar to playing football or dancing. It is hard on first day and is easier on second and third.

The first tip of time management activities is to practice it for at least for a month without escape. Your success is on the periodical repetitions of the time management activities listed below.

2-Plan before starting.

Planning need goals and goals are the fabrics of a vision. Since vision is so bit, it is usually unattainable. Becoming successful is a vision. And to really to become successful you need a certain goals. For example, making money could be a goal, even though it is still so wide. You can plan in your goal on how to make money and when to get what amount of money. It is similar to time management. You are ambitious to think that you want to be master of time management. It does not work that way. Instead learn to break your activities in detail so that they are attainable.

One of the time management activities is to always break your activities in to goals. For example instead of saying “ I will finish my paper in three days” learn to think in details. First, think of the chapters or sections of your paper and the time it takes to accomplish it.

3-Be in here and now.

The third time management activities is to be in here and now. This seems a new age wowo. But it is not. One pure skill we lack is to appreciate now, and we live with the idea of yesterday and the hope of tomorrow. We forget to enjoy today while living in the vomits of regret. In order to become good at time management, learn to appreciate now. Always push your mind to focus everything you have on the work you are doing at the moment. When your mind wanders, learn to bring it back. For example, you might be reading this article half minded since you probably are reading it in between your work. It is supposed to be a break. But here is the truth. You are wasting the time.

Don’t read this as a break. You are reading to learn a skill. Then put time aside for it. And read it every time on that time. And see your progress. And on that 30 minutes or an hour, learn to focus on it. On the rest of the time focus on the work. When you meet with your date later, learn to be there. Forget the work or the cleaning that you have to do when you get home. Focus and enjoy the time you assigned to the date.

4-Assign time for everything.

If you did the time management activities mentioned above, you are probably planning your activities in details. And these are not enough. Learn to assign time for your activities. This helps you be accountable. In the above case, when you decide to meet your date, plan in prior on where to go and when to go and on how long to stay with them. This might make you predictable and boring. But this makes you efficient. So, when your time is over, end it already. That is it. You have another thing to do at 9 o’clock when you get home.

5-Be organised

Most of time is wasted with unorganised work space. Look around your work space or your house, what do you use? Do you feel your space is organised. Can you locate a certain paper or cloth or any thing in that space? If your answer is no, then learn how to organise the space for efficient work environment. Dare to throw unnecessary items away.

6-Learn to say no.

Our society learnt to accept the good and the bad without further analysis of the reality. If you are not sure of yourself to say no, then you probably have to rethink of your life. There should be some things that you politely have to refuse to accept. This could be extra work from job that could take your freedom and time from family. Or this could be nagging or peer pressure from others to spent it with them. Believe me it is so hard to say no to friends or lovers. But when you learn to do that and you become sure of yourself, people with respect your view. And they will respect your work. Learn to say no.

7-Be efficient not hard working.

Africans say “a single lemon is beautiful for a man but 100 lemons is a load.” Don’t work 10 people’s job for yourself. Work is better performed when done in collaboration. Everyone must have something to share. So, respect other’s skills. One of the time management activities is to learn who is good at what. Which employee is good and at what skill. So when you have to write your report, you will write it for yourself. But John will help you with the research and Martha will help you with transcribing the notes and Ellen will print and bind the final hard copy.  This makes you effective.

8-Learn to use the extra time.

You finished a 10-hour work in 3 hours, then what? What are you going to do? Sit there until 5? No! what else can you do? this could be personal project or even office project. Use that efficiency for your benefit. Success is better achieved in the tangible. people need to see a concrete touchable evidence of your skills to appreciate. Then why don’t you give them one? Do something with the time that is tangible. Write about your experience, or do the things you always wanted to do if you had the time, or let your bosses know what is possible. This could be interesting.

Time management is a skill and it needs time management activities to be mastered. To become good at it learn to plan, prior to your work, learn to live in now and give everything you have to the work and schedule time and be accountable. Learn to use the saved time for something extra and good.

time management

7 things you should know for successful time management plan

Time management plan

time management plan

Time management plan needs a systematic way of planning your time to the tasks you have. Here are 7 things to know for a successful time management plan. Identify each point and compare them with your current efforts.

Learn where you lack and where you are good.

1-Time management plan needs goals.

As we have discussed before, you cannot plan your future with only big unattainable pictures. You should have smaller goals that you could achieve through a certain period. These goals will take you to your life dreams and fantasies. Rather than dreaming about being a millionaire, dream in steps on how to get there. When you plan your time, start from these bits.

2-Time management plan should be attainable.

Plans should be attainable. Period. If you truly believe that you cannot get to your goals with your plans, stop. Don’t plan to finish writing 20 pages within 2 hours, if it is impossible for you. Be realistic.

3-Time management plan should consider your current situation.

I have noticed in life that I am not as active as I was 10 years ago. I can’t plan my time as was years ago. And I give a bit of a break for myself. I know my strength and weakness. And I plan on them. And you should do too.

4- Time management plan needs resources.

A calendar or a simple table or a reminder are some tools of time management. When you plan your time, use a table to put your goals and the time they need to finish. Never contemplate your plan in mind as they dissipate as fast.

5-Time management plan needs you to consider your family.

Life is not only work. It is also fun, family and other unforeseen events. The first pillar of life is family, besides your health. If your plan overlaps with your responsibilities, that is not a good time management plan. Learn to balance.

6-Time management plan needs a check point.

We always plan. Some of us plan at the beginning of every year, others every evening and others every hour and minute. We are obsessed in planning than doing. How do you get yourself accountable? Well by check points. Instead of planning to write a book in a year time, plan to finish a chapter in a month. And some pages in a week. And check your progress every week and see where you lag and where you excel.

7-Time management plan demands change.

Nothing of your plans are perfect since they depend on your emotions. And emotions change. In fact, most of the plans we have based on emotions are rather useless and does not fulfil a purpose. Learn to change and tweak your plans with time. If you see something better fit it in to your plans.

time management plan should be attainable, noted and should be checked with time. Life is all about progress and your time management plan should be as well. Learn to follow up your progress and change through time.




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16 inspirational time management quotes that you should read today

Time management quotes

time management tips _ grandself

Time management quotes

Quotes are great way to metaphorically understand the complicated way of life. Here are 16 time management quotes that talks about time management and time and life. read and use these time management quotes as a life principle or motivation when you feel low in life.


Time = life; therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life.- Alan Lakein

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.-Theophrastus

Time is money. –Benjamin Franklin

Make use of time, let not advantage slip. –William Shakespeare

A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.Charles Darwin

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” – M. Scott Peck

“Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it.” – Lord Chesterfield

“Transform a wish into a goal by putting a date on it.” Peter Turla

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” – Bertrand Russell

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”Benjamin Franklin

“Time lost is never found again.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Make sure you set SMART goals. They should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Timed”Peter Turla

“A plan without action is not a plan. It’s a speech.“ T. Boone Pickens

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”Will Rogers

“You don’t really manage time, you manage behavior.” Peter Turla

Read more on: time management tips.

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7 simple but effective time management tips that you can apply today

Time management tips


The only common resource most people have is time and yet it is so short and unrepeatable. Once wasted, one cannot reclaim but only has to work to compensate. You might have noticed that some people have the skill of using their time effectively and they are successful. You are probably reading time management tips because you have the problem of managing your time. Just like other skills such as speaking, efficiency and management, time management is also a skill. And a skill should be applied to be effective. Then when you read the time management tips , you should know that you should practice them at least for the next 30 days for them to become habit.

Here are 7-time management tips that you can use for success today.

1-Limit your companions

This is cruel advice. But that is true. Some say “a person with many friends has a dilute wine.” When you have too many people in your daily life, it is sure you don’t have time for your self and for your goals. If you want to change your life and become successful, you should become more experience. You should not waste time on gossip, drinks and too much socializing that do not benefit your purpose. The first-time management tip is to limit then number of people you meet in a day.  Unless you are a sales person or a speaker or other professional that demands meeting people, you should focus on your work and yourself.

Task: chose quality than quantity in your social life. Your success will attract lots of people.

2-Plan in advance.

When do you decide or plan what to do for the day? If you do that in the middle of the work, you are not as effective as you could be. You should plan before starting your entire job. It is even better if you do it before going into the office or school. And make sure you write it. For example, you might say. “I will finish the report in two hours and I will meet John for review.” This makes you responsible and you can learn about your efficiently along the way.

time management tips _ grand self3-Remove Destruction

Social media, is not used wisely, is a destruction. If your internet do not allow you to focus, shut it off. TV, games and technology are also some of enemies of time management. One of the tie management tips that could help you much is decision. If you are not good at decision and follow through, forget about time. It won’t work.

You should decide to not use any of these technologies including your phone while you are working. You can switch off your phone or disconnect your cable for an hour or two until you accomplish your goals.

More reads : Is Social Media a Waste of Time?

Daily time spent on social networks rises to over 2 hours (Infographics)

4- Have detailed goals.

General plans are good but without goals they are not effective. Instead of saying I will finish report within three days, you could possibly say, I will finish the introduction in 4 hours, then first chapter in 5 hours….

This could give you a space and accountability for your efforts. Time management tips number four is not only to plan ahead but also to think in details of what to accomplish.

5-Start at the end of the day.

Do you know most people start working on project or job, when deadline approaches? Whether you give them a week or a month, it is all same, they will start at the deadlines. In fact, it is more effective not to work for a month on a task that you can accomplish in days. Some people are more efficient before hours before leaving their office. The fifth time management tips is to choose a good time for you that you are effective with and use that as a leverage.

6-Be accountable

Why don’t you tell your boss that you will finish the working 2 hours? Guess what happens, you will have to finish in 2 hours. Don’t take too much risk or don’t over promise. But ask loved ones to help you in the process.

7-Practice to focus.

Being focused is one of the hardest things that the mind has to bear. But you can practice it as any other skill. Learn to focus on your work without destruction. Focus you mind and recollect your mind when it wanders away. Practice that for days. You will see the result.

I gave you 7 time management tips that are simple but effective. For you to save time and be successful, you should plan ahead, have goals and work on your goals. And learn to focus by avoiding destruction. Be accountable and improve on your skills along the way. You will notice fast change in your life.



grandself , mygrandself update

# I still feel that life is so short. The life that we thought was long as a child is no more. If you waste your fun 20s then your 30s are serious ones. Then is 40. It is few years away and should not be that old. But it is. Unless you do something good that contributes to your legacy it is not enough.

# Decision needs blind action. Over criticism. self-destructs the decision. The reality is life is always s unreasonable. Its possible outcomes are not always controlled and determined. It is better to take the first step and wait to see where you stepped. And learn a better place where to step the next foot.

#I have to make random and out of the box changes just now to fulfil the plans I have for the next one year. This could demand breaking the pattern of the current life I live. And that could backfire on me at any moment.



change yourself Confidence Lifestyle

10 ways How lack of confidence limits success and what to do about it.

 lack of confidence

In this age confidence is everything. Lack of confidence is self destructive habit. Without confidence you can’t be on the top of what you can become. Successful people including the introvert and the shy are charismatic and confident about their ability and they act when the occasion demands it. If you suffer from lack of confidence then it is sure that you are not living with your best self.

Here are 10 ways how lack of confidence is limiting your success and you even don’t know about it. 

1-You settle for less.

Today’s world is full of things that were only fantasy decades ago. The women, the men, the information, the technology, the fashion all are surplus and not otherwise. Settling for less is only self-fault, result of less self-esteem and lack of confidence. If you are comfortable living in the norm or the negative of the world, then, you should watch out. You have every right to marry the person you like. Or you have the option to work where ever you want. All you have to do is to improve yourself along the way. But if you find yourself deciding based fear then based on your capabilities, it is sure sign of lack of self-confidence. If you are disciplined sure you can do the job. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

2-You constantly find yourself expecting the worst.

A girl one time told me how her intuition of expecting the worst in every condition gave her happiness in every event. If you are one of the people like this girl, then you obviously are suffering from lack of confidence. Expecting the worst and getting the worse is same. Bad is always bad. As everything is perspective,you should choose to live on the brighter side of life.

3-You are friends with losers.

We don’t admit that we are the average of the five friends we have. Addicts think they are not addicts and they can stop any time until they are proved otherwise. Believe it or not if you hang out with losers, it means that is where you see yourself fit. Your friends are the result of your confidence level. Lack of confidence attracts you to people with low confidence.

4-You have no vision.

People with lack of confidence live in their minds. They are always trapped inside a dark shell where they learn to ignore the pain of this world. They live to pass the moment barley acting in it. They are stones of the ocean, taking space. Confident people have vision. They know what to do next. Their dream drives them. Their fear and bravery is for the sake of the dream. Don’t forget to have a vision in life. Live a life with purpose you made.

5-They are huge time wasters.

People with low self-esteem don’t appreciate their contribution. In fact, they don’t appreciate their existence. Time is not worth of them. They think that other’s happiness is better than theirs. They spent more time on others than on themselves. We all have time where we wept with a wrong crowed, only to lull them for long, that we forget to live our life. Don’t waste your time on things that does not fulfil your purpose.

6-They give away what is good for them.

Have you ever saw something and wished it for someone else other than you? People who see something perfect and think “I should give this to someone else” is probably suffering with lack of confidence. This underneath has a meaning that you are not fit to get that specific thing that you loved and someone else is. Next time when you see something good take it for yourself. It could be a person, a material, a fortune, and only when you have two feel free to share it.

7-You don’t say “NO!”.

What is your boundary? DO you have any at all? We all know one person that suffers from manipulation from his loved ones. When you do good for others, don’t be deceive, that they will thank you and repay for it. The reality is they ask for more. And if you can’t do it, they will hate you for it. If you don’t say “no” for things that you don’t believe in or for things that you can’t do, then you probably have lack of confidence. You should understand that you have the full right to accept or to ignore any event or request. You are the judge and the leader. Be one.

8-You whine a lot.

This is obvious. We see a lot of whiners everywhere: ignorant CEOs, weeping co-workers and complaining lovers. A lot of whining is a result of non-satisfaction in life but also lack of confidence. When you find yourself complaining rather than doing something, that is the moment to take care. You are wasting a precious time. Believe in yourself. Never complain even if you lose your arm.

9- You have no love for others or anything for that matter.

People who suffer from lack of confidence usually don’t love or appreciate themselves or others. Their self-love is an inflated ego resulted from fear of being exposed. Their love is out of fear of being lonely. Love is for confident people who have the road map.

Love is a result. You can’t love something with decision. Learn to be more confident and to love yourself no matter what then you will learn to love something else.

10- You have no principle.

When you find your self being impressed with the trash of pop culture and its flawed teachings, then watch out. You are probably brainwashed to give up your personal principles in exchange for the minutes event on the TV. You are better than many people that you see on TV, both ethically and intellectually. If you don’t believe that I doubt your confidence. Ignoring moral code for a blind loyalty for things that you barely know is lack of confidence.

Learn to love yourself. Believe in yourself. Your opinion is better than TV’s opinions. Don’t waste time on unimportant events. And learn to say no for some events and requests. Complaining does not do the assignment, Instead, learn to get things done. Learn to love yourself so that you can love others and anything else. Make you principles and follow them strictly. Ignore that does not fit your principles. You will be good.


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How to gain confidence: 10 tips to gain confidence faster than you think

How to gain confidence

how to gain confidence _ grandself

The idea of how to gain confidence starts from understanding about your self image. Do you need an instant confidence gain in your self? Or do you need a confidence boost for your next date or a presentation or even in your daily life?

Here are 10 tips to instantly gain confidence in your self. 

1-Learn about the stuff that makes you insecure.

Lack of confidence is usually the result of being unsure of the situation that you are in. When you have enough knowledge of the subject that you are dealing with, then, you will be confident that you will do it. Learn to educate yourself consistently to become confident. There are thousands of free sources on the internet on any topic. What you have to do is to be willing to learn.

2-Believe in the experience.

The first step to any action is the objective. How to gain confidence should start from a certain useful purpose or a goal. The rest is the experience. The more you experience the thing, no matter how many times you failed in the process, the result becomes worth telling. When you believe in the experience, more than the result, then you will have more results than your expectations. And that is wired but beautiful.


The problem with most people out there is the limited practice of something that everyone has. When it comes to the social scenarios, one needs a continuous experience than a onetime big event. When you start experiencing various events then you start getting used to the status quo. The smallest things that bother you before, no longer become a problem. The third tip of how to be confident is to stop overthinking and to jump into the field and learn from experience.

4-Learn to let go.

Failure is good, when it is a result of a purposeful action. We usually don’t have the chance to see how many times people failed before they become successful. How to gain confidence starts from to not see life as serious.

Life is to be traded with. It demands a constant improvement. What matter is not failing but getting up and keeping going. Let go of the past. Don’t be hard on yourself. Embrace your failures or challenges as your assets and trade with them.

5-Befriend these whom you like to be like.

The short cut to success is to be with successful people. Period. Some call this networking others mentors.  The reality is These people will show you that life is about improvement. How to gain confidence is not natural but time based. It is process. You learn that these people have failed harder and more than any of the people you knew. This made them successful.

6- Don’t be afraid to embrace about your weakness.

Once I told a complaining girl that her life without a parent could be seen as an opportunity. The comment drove her crazy. The reality is , instead of complaining, learn to embrace the things that seem out of the ordinary in your life. If you are fat, you can get thin. Why the fear just work on your body. But if you are short you probably die that way. So why the tear? Why the complaint? Embrace that and dare to talk about your shortcomings. Teach people about it. Tell your view to the world.

7-The world is as much as you think it is.

If the world is dark for you then it is dark. If the world is light then it is. It is as much as you think. No more. The world does not change even after two world wars.

We make the meaning in life. Change your mind to change your life. How to gain confidence starts from seeing the world in a different eye. This demands a decision and a constant work. It needs blocking your mind from overthinking of the negative.

8- Take more actions

People who do are more confident than people who plan and study. Too much thinking and critics is suicide. We usually disprove and kill our own big ideas. 80 percent of our thought is negative.  When you take actions with goals, you still have rooms for improvement. You can change your goals along the way. The world approves those with a result or with a tangible work. A musician should have a recorded work on a CD. That format has more power than the spoken one. Don’t tell people that you do something, show them. How to gain confidence needs a constant action, failure and improvement.

9- Know nothing is perfect.

You see others with fake faces and bodies and with calculated actions and you compare then with yourself and you conclude that you are less of them. The reality is that you can’t judge a thing with its cover. What is real is what is inside. There are thousands of insecure people with fake smile. Don’t compare yourself with others. That is unfair.

10- Snap your brain out of it.

The Mel’s 3 second rule is important here. Your brain is full of the negative. Unless you snap out of its failing thought, it gives you hard time. Learn to break the pattern by stopping your mind at the right moment. You are not your thoughts. Then breaking them won’t change your real self. So next time you feel insecure about talking to others, snap yourself out of it and just run to meet the people.  How to gain confidence is by snapping your mind out of the pseudo fear and telling it that everything is OK.

If you need more check 6 confidence boosters that you can use right away..