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7 deadly signs that you are living with a bully and the fastest way out

Your good deeds are defined against the perspective of others. Your dreams are dreamt in terms of other’s dreams. If you want to live a safe life, get away from people. If you want to live a strong life, filter your people.

Are you living with a bully, abuser, control freak? You name it.  Here are watch out signs that you are probably living with a bully and you are losing a lot in life.

1-They expect perfection fro you and they are not even commited to smallest things in their life.

A father once punished his daughter for losing a penny. And only within a week, coming back from work with his salary in his front pocket, he was robbed. He didn’t even realized that he was robbed until he gets home. People shouldnot demand perfection out of you. Failure is a nature’s way of survival. A drying leaf is not dead until one collects it in to abag. It fertilizest the ground with its death. We can’t live without failure. We can’t grow without it. People cannot shut you down, shame you for long for making a mistake.

2-They kick you on the curb for your honest opinions.

You can’t say your heart when you are with them. They will belittle you when you start speaking what you have on mind and they ignore your mind, your ideas. They bully you out of pure intention of despairing you form further talking. You feel so little or betrayed when you are with them. You live with them for fearing the future that they drew for you. They will tell you to leave if you want but you can’t leave because they have made you the lowest form of yourself.

3-They don’t like you when you are soft.

They will tell you to speak up not to help you do that but to reflect their failing character on you. And show you their superiority. Asking same thing with other bully type kids, you are told to leave and the others get what they ask for. You are always questioning why? Or sometimes you ask through the other kids because of the hard answer you always get. You feel it is you and your introvert ways. This really could be you are being abused.

bully _ grandself4-They draw fear on you.

You are constantly bombarded with insults. They compare you with others, friends, family and told you are worse. You are the worst daughter they have. They are one of the stupidest students that the school had. You have life. You have no future. you should look for jobs. And you now living that life you are told you would live.

5-They have compulsive character.

They start their day with sadness, compliant or maybe with drinks. They curse they break things and they make you the reason for their failure life.  “Bob, come and see what you did.” You come in and see your pen is on the floor. “Bob come and see what you did!” You come in and see the table cloth is falling. “Bob come and see what you did!” The tv is still on and you don’t know who put it on. They constantly bombard you with their perfection demanding critics.

6-They tell you to do something and you do it.

You have no opinion on the matter and they tell you to shut up and sit tight aggressively or smoothly when you speak on a meeting, against your boss’s opinion. You are out of the game unless you are a ‘yes man’. Your opinion does not matter and your presence is to serve accomplish their superior ideas. You have not enough payback for your efforts. You are paid same salary staying until 9 with boss’s request. In fact, is an order it is not a request. You are to le to do something and you do it. You are in fear of speaking up or do it in your own way, fearing you would be fired.

7-You have been beaten.

I know a guy with bruises on his arms. I was wondering what had happened to him looking at his arm under his short sleeves. But didn’t. My imagination escaped and I answered myself he probably hurt himself. He noticed and said.  “My wife is strong”.

I didn’t get it. “What do you mean?”, I smiled?

“When my wife is unhappy, she beats me.” What a confused little guy!  It is love after all he gasped and leave the bathroom. He lives with a bully and he does not know.

You may one day look back and see what made you this way.  We are not created to fail. We can’t fail. After all, we human beings make the hurdles. We can’t fail the huddles made by these who are not better than us, as jobs once said. There is nothing new in this world. If you think it thought it is not you’re stupidly that makes you failure in school. It is probably your upbringing and you had no one to discipline you.

It is not usually your fault for making bad choices in life, it is your lack of knowledge and way of thinking. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. That is disrespectful. That is outrageous. Don’t fight back. That is the continuation of the bad character. But stand up for once and have time to think what you can do. And do it. You can’t live with a bully and hope they will be angels one day. Just get out, run and don’t look back.

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11 things you should know to find your purpose in the world

Your purpose,

your purpose _ grandselfHere are 11 things you should know for discovering and cultivating your deepest purpose as a human being.

1- Deepest purpose comes in stillness.

You can’t understand life in a chaos. As some eastern religions teach you can understand some things by being still, out of present, meditating on a small thing.

2- Change the pattern of life to find your purpose

The day to day life gives you a homework. You don’t have time to envision your life and find your purpose. If you are lucky you have a job that you can take off a day or two or more. If you don’t use your weekends. Change your location, change your actions every time for the next two days, fast, pray and rethink your purpose.

3- Your purpose does not change but your mind does.

Some authors like…the way of the superior man…said your mind wanders, moody based on your experience. Once you like something and other times you hate it or you get bored of it. In any case your purpose still awaits to be unveiled.

4- Finding and working on your purpose pays off.

Some people work for money and lose their purpose for materials. Others live for a purpose for long, they perfect it or recreate something though it and make money for life, even though it could be late.

5- Others usually don’t like it when you live your purpose.

When you live your purpose, you have to have your own rules that negates other’s rules. You are different and unique in some ways. You have a goal that you follow and you tend to forget being a friend for all. People usually hate you for it since you show them their unfulfilled purpose. Others hate you because they will see you leave in the middle of wasted time. People judge you because they see you through their life. Look in history you can’t find anyone who is not ridiculed for their ideas.

6- At the end of the day your purpose will be accepted.

Ideas are scary, especially when you are the one who have them. If you fear the status quo, you will die with it. If you are strong enough to take risk of the consequences then you speak it and take whatever comes. Many are pushed away, killed for their ideas and belief. It is the weak responsibility to display congruity through violence. The smart shape the idea and the rest execute it. Live your purpose even though you are persecuted for it. At the end, probably after you passed away, you will be remembered for your contribution. That will be your legacy.

7- It takes time.

purpose takes cultivation. It needs continuous growth before seeing its results. It took Beethoven 4 years for its genius masterpiece and Jesus 30 years to teach and have followers and Einstein many years to write his papers. The result of purpose is seen out of unseen practices and studies. What you have inside is seen on outside. Perfecting something takes time. Don’t rush through life. Don’t look for shortcuts in life. Take the hardest way out. You won’t regret it.

8- Read books.

People live based on experience. And experiences are limited. If you live on leftovers of your limited perspectives then you lost a lot. You should see far from the shore. There is land that has beautiful trees, sunny sky and fertile land. With reading you change your world fast. You get perspective of many authors.  For some of you reading is a habit. If it is then you should take care of information overload. Some people read as an addiction. When it becomes an addiction, then it gives you a constant check point where you reflect on yourself but you can’t change that fact for you don’t have the time and the space in your mind. If you know your purpose, then you are lucky already. Leave this pc and go live it.

9- If you find your purpose then you are lucky.

This means you found something that you live for 24 hours a day. It is something that you could work for, for free. You are unique here. You are one of the few out there in the world. If you’re in this category, you should start producing something that could be seen and useful.  Thinking and reading, contemplating ideas is good, but your purpose is best expressed though action. Have an idea or a project and go do it, no matter how small or useless it seems and learn from it.

10- You have the right to change your destiny.

I don’t believe we are destined to some written destiny. We can choose our life where we live, whom we marry and more. Adam and eve changed their face by not respecting the commandment they got. Criminals change their destiny by breaking the rules. The scientist says we can’t say the rat is dead or not dead until it eats or pass the poisoned food. You have minimum of two options in any situation : to speak or to silence; to be happy or to be sad. You can live your purpose or live your night mare. It is up to you.

11- Money is the least of things to measure worth of your purpose.

You are wrong if you think your highly paid friend is living better than you in his purpose. Money doesn’t measure purpose. There are millions of people who hate their jobs regardless of the payment. I remember times I wanted to run away even having an attractive position and good salary. These riches do not reflect your purpose. Don’t measure yourself or your purpose against material gains.





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Am I good enough? : 7 things you should answer before questioning your self worth

Am I good enough? Are you good enough? Really? What makes you say that? Why do you think you are enough? Why would you think you are not good enough? I know some of you are doubting if you are good enough for the your mate or if you even have a chance of making a change in the world.

Value,some say, is better than success. But how do you measure your value? Is there is a fixed measure of who is enough and who is a total waste of time.

The thing about the current ‘pop culture’ is everyone is measured from a single or similar perspective. Your worth is measured in terms of money you make.

A person’s relative value is expressed with some amount of money. Or whether you are good enough or not is measured with you past experiences, with the mistakes you have made. A once criminal is always criminal, his papers are scripted with reds as if they are danger to the society.

Or your relevance is measured with the CV you have made. With the articulation of yourself on paper. You measure yourself against a teen with less than average confidence who worked on her face for 3 hours before selecting a single picture out of the other 50 she took the next 2 hours. Or you are measured against how many followers you have on some social media. The more you have, the more you feel you are good enough.

I have sometimes doubted my relevance to life or to living or even to my own life. I have asked myself “am I good enough?”

Here are 7 things that you should answer before answering “am I good enough?”

1- You are never good enough.

Life is a progress. Looking back a decade before, you probably had a shitty high school life, you had a bad day always, you had the worst hair style. But on today you can’t do that. You won’t do that. It is out of context. You have grown or the times have changed and you don’t crawl anymore as you were a child.   If you can’t appreciate the current life without fully criticizing it then you are never good enough. Now list things you have that you should be happy with. And appreciate yourself.

Am I good enough _ grandself2- At some point, someone is better than you are.

If you are good engineer believe me there is a better engineer out there than you are. If you take your diploma from MIT there is a better candidate with better grads, better inventions or better IQ. Something is good enough until another is invented. A cart was a perfect invention for these who don’t know about motors. And fuel cars are better for those who don’t see electric cars. You are good enough until something else or someone else comes along. Keep asking ” am i good enough “, you wont get the answer. Now you have two choices, fighting the new thing that comes along or keep working on yourself. Am I good enough? Yes and I know that there are other who are better than I am.

3- You failed does not mean you are not good enough.

People fail. Even these who we thing are perfect failed. You are only human that could be true in some of its sense. You can’t be hard on yourself for failing. Only failing is the best and true way to excel. Edison said he failed hundreds of times before coming up with his invention of life time. Put yourself in his shoes. Unless you have OCD you probably won’t continue the task hundreds of times. You should go on to your life. That is what everybody says. But think when you fail, this means you have tried something. You are at least better than those who sit and judge without knowing your world. Am i good enough is not answered with your failure.

4- What you have does not measure your worth.

People talk in things that the think you have today. That is true for an investor, since he has to minimize risks. But in life risks makes you successful. Then you should not measure yourself with what you have today. If you are obese, you could change that in a year time. If you have D and F in your school paper, then you can read and change that. You are a failure, as you may think, does not mean you are a failure tomorrow. Look at these who are on top. Lis them they all have one thing in common, they all were failures at one time and now look where they are. Am i good rich or famous, probably not. Am i good enough, yes, i am.

5-  If you think you can or you cannot, you are correct.

Your world is in your own hands. IF you think are not good enough or not you are correct. I have always thought, when I was a small child, are we poor because we think we are poor or we think we are poor because we are poor.  Looking close poor people, I knew, I realized that their short-circuited thought of themselves s as ultimate poor kept them from growing up. Their family influence, their neighbourhood influence made them think short of themselves. Whatever you like to think about yourself, then you are right about it. Then am i good enough doesn’t have one direct answer , you answer is your self with your own understanding. Am i good enough? Yes and I will work to be it.

6-  Others create your self image

Abusing husband, selfish wife, unsatisfying instructor, mindless leader…What these have in common is they portray their immature opinion up on your fearful life. The more you stay with the, the more you doubt yourself. I have noticed how my life is dependent on peer pressure. The good people I have closer the better I become. And there are times in history who committed large level public suicide brain washed they will be good enough when they leave this life to the next.

How do you perceive this statement thinking with your sane mind? Who is brain washing you? What kind of media do you fallow? Do you watch these live tv shows that shows you the despaired action of clinging to life? It is up to you. List them here now and quit these people out of your life, without notifying then unless necessary. You are doing them a favour by doing that. Am I good enough? Yes, only I tell my worth.

7- We are not perfect.

We are human beings. A one who thinks in perfection, does not understand the walks of tis life. Life itself is not perfect when seen from a single perspective. A person dying is a cruel part of life. But without someone dying the world would have been without a place for the new generation. A plant dying is a necessary for the fertility of the ground. A wolf eating a rabbit keep s the environment alive. By perceiving life from a single dimension, you might criticize life. It is only life is not perfect from your perceptive. And events don’t tell you whether you are good enough or not. Be happy. Am i good enough? yes, but I are not perfect.

I can’t tell you whether you are good enough or not. Your worth is not measured with my opinion. It is up to you to declare your worth in your own beautiful way. Now stand up and change your life for good. Think life is a progress and you should work on tomorrow while appreciating your today. And learn to notice who is making a difference in your life and who is killing you. And think we are not perfect and we are perfect at the same time. It is how you see things.


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I am tired: 4 ultimate reasons why you have to stop for a moment in life

I am tired and always exhausted and I am never mentally sober. I have to take a week off. But can I? I am a personality stack between what is and what could be. Looking at my future with vague image, I am tired and exhausted with deep wishes and regrets.

The idea of becoming someone cannot leave one in with a simple sign of exhaustion. It is simply a way of survival. Looking at successful people and witnessing their life, how can one give up?

Some people cant give a break in their life. They run around with exhaustion. The so called gurus tell you that there is no such a ting as burning out as if every one has same mental capacity. No matter how strong you are , there are things that makes you mentally or physically exhausted.

Here are times that you have to take time off your life and rest for a moment so that you could be successful again. 

1-You should take time if it is a health issue.

Health is the number one asset any one can have. Without health, you cannot succeed. You cannot eat he fruit of your effort.

” I am tired ” could be a sign of physical stress. Eye fatigue or headache from the long hours on a computer. Not getting a fast treatment or a temporary break, these things become harder and harder on you. Timely untreated defects could become untreated through time.

Don’t live like this. Your health is a wealth that you can’t work for to get. You can’t sacrifice your health for the gains of the earth. That is unacceptable. If you have any pain, if you have any sign of sickness, just get up now and see a doctor. Take time until your body gains strength.

2-You should take time off if it helps you reboot.

Many authors talk about inspiration, even if the current trend of authorship negates that. Inspiration guides creativity. If you are creative person, you know what I am talking about. A poem at the time it is written and at time it is re-read give two different vibes.  When written it is from the subconscious, and not understood from the rational conscious part of the mind. It usually makes you question ‘’did I really write this?’’

And usually there is dead-end of writing, that writers call ‘writers block’ When you have a ‘life block’ then you should consider taking time off or sometimes reboot. This give your mind to reorganize itself. I am tired to continue so I take a break and see how it turns out.

3-You should take time off it is necessary for your family.

Family is everything. We are responsible for their well being. If you can’t attend your wife’s birthday or your father’s funeral because of your work then you should rethink what you are doing. You should have some time off for these ceremonies. This is what family is, thinking for each other. And this should be expressed through action. I have a boss who stayed until 12 in mid evening while his wife is in labour. I am not sure even he attended his daughter’s birth on time. That is pity. Get that PC off and go to your daughter’s dance, your son’s club activity. Go see your wife at work and surprise her. If you have been emotionally away from your wife, go and prepare your day to surprise her at the evening. If you promised and forgot, take time off to do whatever. Family comes second to health.

4-Life is a hard work.

It should stay that way. Without hard work, you can’t claim living. If you are hard worker even workaholic then you should examine your life. Test your ways and see how your work is affecting you. You can’t quit running even if it hurts. What does not kill you makes you stronger, as they say. If so quitting for while should come if and only if it means your health, your inspiration or your family. Small rests in between life could fix the rest of your tedium. What other reason could you put to get off your work for a while?


Appreciate your life: 4 tips to appreciate your life no matter what they say

appreciate your life _ grand self…A story

Prisons were being transported to be stand in front of a judge. The solders beat everyone at the back when one of them made a noise. One of the prisoner said “don’t bring us no harm no more.” While arriving at the court, the jury sentenced them to die. And the prisoner said, “don’t bring us not more. The other prisoner shouted on him, frustrated and pissed off, “what else could come upon us than death?”

Before he finished speaking, a solder came running in with a message and fave a strict command that the judge decided they should get 50 lashes before they die.

And the angry prisoner himself said “don’t bring us no harm no more.”

Appreciating what we have is what me miss in this age. We are always wishing and day dreaming. We are ignoring the fact that life should be appreciate and celebrated. I know a lot of people living on tomorrow with daydreams on today.

For a life to grow you should appreciate what you have today. Here I will show you four ways to appreciate your life that have learn from my own experiences.

1-To appreciate your life, coming out of the zone.

Getting used to something is good but ignoring the rest is bad. If you live your life as you have lived years before, then you should watch out. Living life as we have lived is the straight way to perishing.  You can’t live life as you have lived when you were 20 or 25 at 30.  Something should change. Think things that you have done again and again without escaping a day. Think where you eat your breakfast, places you have been and more.

Are you that unchanging person who is in love with his scrip of his life. If then, why don’t you try changing your ways. Why don’t you go out and see another experience? For today don’t buy coffee from Starbucks, try a small café at the end of the corner. For next day don’t go out lunch alone, invite that secretory that you were wishing to have lunch with, for next week plan a trip to out of city with your family, for weekends stop using PC and watch TV with children or make something with your partner. Believe me, when you do more and more of this, you will tart appreciating what you have.

2-To appreciate your life, appreciate your challanges

They say for every hero there is a villain. For every day, there is night. These negatives (challenges) are not created to suffer you but to elevate you. The harder the villain is the better and the stronger the hero will be. The darker the night is the more you will love your days. You have to embrace the negatives of your life no matter how strong they could be. From this you should start taking responsibilities.

Challenges arise to test us our worth and our capacity to take new responsibility. If you don’t have the challenge then I am afraid that you won’t know your true potential. Martin Luther was shot to death, Christ was hung on cross and many people’s ideas are shot before their day.  And their deed was greater than any of these on the chapters of history.

Learn to embrace the negative as it’s the way to grow you.

3- To appreciate your life, Ask others about yourself.

I have recently watched a video on YouTube. It is about how what we see about us and what others see about us. And one of the guys say I don’t like my chick bones, I don’t like my gig face. The people that watch him from the other room say, that guy is confident, his chick bone made his face beautiful…Believe me most of us are harsh on our selve.  We barely appreciate our selves.  You will perceive a different side of the image when you flip the perspective to others and ask others what they think of you. Don’t ask directly as you can offend people, but make people talk about your god and bad sides.  You will see how people like that you have than what you don’t have.

4- To appreciate your life, note your emotions and your thoughts

In this running world, you can’t remember most of the things you do every day. In the morning, your cat might scratch you and you are angry. You don’t notice people on you were on the road fixed on the pain. YOU ignore your colleague how was angry on you. And your day was bad. Your boss called you and gives crap, probably harsher than yesterday. You are angry. You hate your life.  But when you get home and cried and picked your notebook and start reading. And you saw the day that your family surprised you, you saw the happy sketch you did when you a boyfriend proposed you, you see the day your received a prize for hard work. Life was never this way.  And that small book saved your life.

There is not right and wrong way to appreciate your life. Looking for more is everyone’s character.  No matter what it is you should learn to appreciate what you have.

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Purpose of life: 5 tips to build your life of the rock with firm purpose of life

Purpose of life: 4 tips to build your life of the rock with firm purpose of life

purpose of life _ grand self

John came to me with a big despair on his face. He was throwing stuff around. “What happened?” I asked him expecting a compliant. “My girl friend left me”, he said scratching his head.

As he tells me his story, I noticed his confidence was crushed. He was terrified of the future. He was totally lost. I don’t remember most of the things he told me that day, but he said one final word before the stops talking. He said, I don’t know what to do here anymore, I am useless without her. I don’t know what to do. Trying to hold his tears.

I noticed, how some people break under pressure. How they despair on life when something small happens on them. This human being that used to fight with a lion for survival is weak enough to quit on life for losing a woman. Don’t get me wrong. Love is good, but loving and losing happens. In fact, it is not about the events that happens in one’s life, it is how we respond to them that matters. One should not love to fill his/her emotional or economical emptiness. One should not live to live and pass. To be rock solid under a storm, you should start from the base. The rest of the decoration, passes away under the storm.

And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.    Matthew 7:25

Christ compares the house built on a sand and on a rock. He says the one built on a sand will be destroyed under the storm and the one under the rock stays.

Here I will show you five things I learnt to build your life on a rock.

1 The base is everything.

Building a house, the engineer spent some time on the base for they know it is probably one of the top on the list of the safety issue. They change the soil, they use stones to support structures, they fill concrete. They make as much as necessary precaution and preparation for the rest of the structure to stand upon. Your strength in life is made sure from where you are round. Without your grounded purpose, your job, your family won’t last long.

2-You are challenged in fire

Challenges are like a fire, and life pass through them dead or alive. The bible compares the strength of each person or character or achievement when passes thought the fire. It says when achievement passes though the fire, it could be as a gold as iron or as a grass. If it is gold or iron, it turns on the other side as beautiful or as shiny as they could be. But then the grass passes through the fire, it burns away. Life is not about the strength of the fire, but it’s the strength of us. It is about how strong we made our selves to be. Without this self-made progress, you would perish even though water or crushed with foot, on the side of the foot path.

3-Life is a progress.

A person who was once drunk, could become sober. A person who is once a loser in front of other’s eyes can become a master of the art. If you see closely to the people you admire, most claim that they were not good in school. They were not the most silent ones in life. They were perceived as failure. But these people made themselves someone after failures, and win this judgemental world.

Gary vee talks about finished product where one sees today’s basketball players, today’s actors, today’s executives and think that he can’t wat to be like them. If you think it through these people were as small like you probably are. Life is a progress. And winning challenges need a constant work. Lifting 100 pounds is possible but if you are willing to work as much as these who lift 100 pounds. Without it your effort is built on the sand. And you will probably hurt your self-lifting what you are not trained to lift.

4-The rock itself matters

You can’t waste time building your life on a wrong rock. No matter how beautiful the rock is its purpose is to ground us and hold us safe in life. The wrong rock could serve its purpose but it won’t make us happy. A rock at a beach is always wet while a rock at mountain areas is cold and a rock at desert is dry and hot. Where ever it is located it has its own purpose and is beautiful. But where you want to be grounded it your choice that you should make carefully.

5-Learn to let go those that don’t appreciate the rock

Your relation with the rock is necessary for your future. You grow on the rock, you become happy on the rock and you lose on the rock. The rock is your world. It makes you proud. It makes you realize your potential. Don’t let anyone criticizes your rock. Don’t let others dig the rock for treasure. And treasure should pass though you, the structure. You could invite other for the warm of the house but you can’t let them see the rock. That is your valuable asset that you can’t let others destroy.



Purpose success

Becoming someone. My 4-month journey to change my life

Well, I am not a loser. But my perfectionist mind blamed me for the life I have, as long as I remember. My A grade, that is better than 99 percent of the class is barely enough for its critics. ‘’You could have got A+, you could have answered that question right…’’ My successful life, at least in the society’s mind, is barely success for the mind. My mind notices the half empty while the world around me wished they could have portion of my other half.

My weak body due to long hours spent on books or PC, my fatigued brain due to too much worry, my awkward social domination due to less social skill, vague clothing, beta personality… valueless life. This is my mind’s interpretation of my life in brief. In fact, everyone is on the field, pretending or grinding to win others, to be top in the game. But I stay on the side walk, blocking my own way with the information overload of my mind. I am my own enemy and I am my own competitor.

Overall, my urge to be ‘someone’ gave me choices: to transformation my life or to get depressed in the long run. And I chose to change my current life, to cut off many people out of my life, to control where I spent my life, to cut some hard work and allow others work the rest, to love my self before loving others, to learn the beautiful art of not giving a crap about other’s discouraging opinions.

It is hard to cut off your arms no matter how much its gives you harm. That is what Christ said, ‘’if thine eye causes thee to fall, pluck it out and cast it from thee; it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire…’’ If you have the courage to do that there is no way you have to waste your time reading this, go and cut what has to be cut.

The first three change my life

For the first three weeks, I was struggling in my own ways: where to start, how to start it perfect, how to follow-up my progress. The books I read, the videos I watched, the wo-wo inspirational videos could not guide my way home. In fact, they discourage me, comparing me to finished product. ‘A finished product’ is a concept out of Gary vaynerchuk’s speech where he talks about how people compare themselves with the top in the game people and despair. He says, ‘’Kobe has been talented without skill until he started playing. His success is not overnight success.’’

At the beginning of the activity, I realized that I have to have something iconic in my life as a role model. Therefore, it would be a point of change. A point where I will look back and think, ‘’I really changed my life from then’’. In fact, years before I had a breakthrough with random effort to improve my EQ though an intensive reading and watching videos. I had really changed my ways.

What makes this one different is it is not a matter of lesson or a practise of skill, but being someone, being a man that could make a difference in the lives of many. And that is serious.  And my six-month journey to become valuable started.

The progress…to change my life

The first thing I did was to end my year long relationship that was supposed to change months before. I am not selfish, don’t get me wrong. It was a failing relation, that sustained because of the girl’s manipulation and my sensitivity to her emotions and my blindness to my own fragmenting heart. After 8 pages long description of my life with her, I had to put the relationship on hold until I come back to my senses.  (I know you won’t judge.)

Next is figuring out how to make some of the people in my circle to help them stand independent instead of listening to their worry and challenges every time. I could not be an advisor for others on this short project period. I promised not to help others by sacrificing my time and my resource until I feel helpful myself. I promised not to stir other’s pot before stirring mine. For this, I had to separate myself from the pack and question myself. Question my ways.

Third, I had to change some habits I had such as compulsive searching of the internet, carried away in researches, too much time on reading and information overload. I had to stop watching videos that does not have direct relevance to my life. I had to stop the fantasy and start acting.

Things that must change

On the process, I decided to make change on eight major parts of my life which I will share you the first three. (I promise to share you the rest on another time.)

1-Get in shape…to change my life

I planned to work out four days a week, following a schedule that I got on (not affiliated) I had to go to gym at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, despite the hot weather or the work I have.

2-Find my brand…to change my life

This is the only thing that separates the winners from the losers. If you see most of the known people out there, they have the ego and the nerve to tell you who they are. And you can notice there is a consistency in their image and in their message. No matter where they are, they act in that box that they want you to see them in. Finding your brand saves you from running all over the place and wasting your time. Brands could be expressed in what you wear, how you talk, how you interact with people and more.

3-Document my life…to change my life

This is the result of the effort to document my life. I am writing my progress and the things that I learnt each day or the things I am reminded each say. Each day is truly unique, note them and preserve them for the rest of the world to see. You shall notice the inline and decline of your progress on the way.

The result

As the result of the project, I gained some weight, that I needed. I bought (necessary stuff) to support my body and visited the gym 4 hours a day and I grind. I change my ‘frequent places’ and quit most of my communication with some people and built new circle.   

In the process, I changed the doubt of my mind with affirmations. I learnt about affirmations somewhere and I used them at least twice a day. I wake up with them and I go to sleep with them. These addictive processes, replaced the time spent using the internet and reading long hours. I listened audios on the way work and home and make time for myself. I started documenting my progress each day of my life. On the way, I discovered some good people like Gary vaynerchuk that inspired me much to do so. His confidence (arrogance), his achievement and how he portrays himself made me to like him without questioning his legitimacy. In fact, he is one of the few people out there with a unique personal brand in my view.

After two months of struggle(to change my life), I found myself changing my habit, changing my day to day activity and changing where I spent my days. I changed my mind and my confidence. I taught my mind to accept the world as it is, with its flaws. For the first time, I recognized other’s mistakes and their rights to make mistakes. With the books I read, I learnt to love and care for nature; and to love women better. I noticed my flaws in relationships. I observed my characters that made me successful, that made me escape opportunities and I began the journey of discovering myself.

change my self_grand selfThe lessons

1-Live in tangible world.

Changing your life is good but you should be able to show the changes to the world in three-dimensions. Everything out of you should come out in a material form that people can see and feel. If you’re someone aspiring to do something, then don’t think about it too much or don’t read about it too much. The one thing that matters most is the execution. And the execution still shall be in material form. My immense knowledge in some subjects could not be valued alone but turning them in to eBook or video or audio format makes me more valuable. So, whatever you do, do it in a finite, touchable, tangible form.

2-Schedules do not work.

I realized marking your calendar for with is done or not done is not that effective unless there is someone to coach you or to guide you. Instead it’s better to document your path. Document your experience. You can use audio, video or text. Take picture, or sketch. Do whatever it is easy for you to do.

I learnt that if I write 1000 words each day of my experience, I will write 365,000 words at the end of the year. This means minimum of 365 blog posts, few audios, few books.

3-No one comes to the saving.

If you think you can do it or if you think you can’t, you are right. There is no universal left and right for what you can do. It is all in the mind. The mind is all about the discipline.  One of the challenge of the school system that you see in your life later is it teaches on and off time. It teaches when to get a break, when to get lunch, when to leave home. And for this mere reason, most of us are brain washed to do the same.

And usually we are confused on what to do next since the teacher or school bell is no more to tell up when to take a break or when to come to school, or when to go home. No one checks your fingernails for dirt anymore or  checks your homework and gives you feed back. No one calls your parents to show your progress any more.  It is up to you now. Draw the dream that you aspire to become in 10 years and reverse engineer your life.

4-Projects are good ways of achieving visions.

 As I said before visions are extensive and are not meant to be achieved. Even some writers say what makes a vision good is when they are above the bar. Because once achieved they are no more visions.

To get to your vision, you should break it in to goals and make it achievable. For example, my last six-month project was ‘’finding my purpose and becoming my true potential’. And this is big and not achievable without smaller goals.

5-Breaking off too much dependent things seems hard.

But it is one of the characters of a mature person, to change circumstances that no longer serves them, even if it means ‘heart breaking’ for the other side. This is not hatred, this is love through self-love. The bible notes to love others as much as you love yourself. That is as much as you can love others.  Without self-love, you are free of love. So, learn to let go some things that can’t have your most amount of love that you can give.

I am still in the midst of the project. However, I feel I have changed most of my ways for good. I used the time to reflect on myself and make hard decisions in my life.

I will write my progress and the lessons I learnt on the process… to change my life…so keep in touch. Tell me what you think.

productivity Purpose time management

Time management : 5 tips for productivity and to achieving your purpose

Time management is everything. Time is the only resource that everyone in the word has, unless you are 100 years old guy with cancer or something. If you are not that person then you probably have few years on the schedule. The question is not how long you live, it is what will you do with in these times.

Last year was probably one of the hardest time of my whole life. It was a time I was taking few risks and breaking the rules, knowingly and unknowingly. I was a bit carried away with the process. The result was tough. One of these days, in the midst of my suffering as the results of my actions, I was deeply troubled to the point of regret. By the time I had almost forgotten all of my purpose, my dreams and my happiness. Without knowing I was crawling holding my perfectly working feet. Sitting in my office, my life flashed before my eyes. I was surprised.

How did I get here? What went wrong. When was I supposed to stop? My egoistic mind started questioning. I put my life in the narrowest point of the room immersed in deep anxiety. For the first time in my life I thought I had no point of return. It was as if I was dying without solution. I pictured my previous life as perfect. I said, what is wrong with having family? What is wrong with my Job? And what is wrong with current myself. I said, if I could go out of this mess, I promised, I will use my time smart. I will love my life to death.

Time passed and I found myself procrastinating again, thinking I have the time.

Time is liner for some. And it could be circular for others. But let’s talk in terms of life we know: Past, present and future. I will show 5 tips to learn time management to achieve your purpose fast.

1- Time is what we have in common: a free beginning tool.

Think, what do you have more than others when you were born? Good family, money a house. You might have more. You might have less. But the only thing that is given to man is time. Don’t get me wrong there are things that waste your time without your willingness. But having everything on same line, yours and my time are same, 24 hours. What you will do for the next few years of your life is up to you. You can take it and burn it or you can rent it or use it. It is up to you. You are the master of your time. Think of the man that hide his talent in the bible. (see the example in previous post)

The first secret to learn time management is to learn that only time is given free and possibly equal.

time management productivity _ grand self2- Life is like a tent, stay warm under it.

Many religious people claim that life is short and the real eternal life is somewhere else or on earth in another form. Even the bible mentions that life is like a tent, temporary. But that does not imply you should not time manage yourself to be your purpose. Being temporally on earth does not mean you should avoid doing what is worthwhile. The first path to time management is to remove these thoughts. Life is precious. It is created with deep pain and constipation. Its value is worth more than all these pains. You can’t take your life for granted and waste it as if it came for free. Even your short life on each needs a good rest and a hard work. Even if life is like a tent, it is up to you to stay cold or warm in it.

The Second secret to learn time management is to learn that life is short.

3- Thinking in goals.

Many people tackle life in a general vision or purpose they want to achieve. I am reminded of a book I read when I was teenager. The man gives an example how people don’t get to their dreams. He gives an example of a woman he met some years back. She wanted to be an author. And she could not publish a single book. The first question he asked her was ‘’what type of author you want to be?’’ She was confused. ‘’What do you mean?’’ she asked. ‘’What type? nonfiction, fiction, children book…? ‘’

That was her day of realization where she lost. Thinking in general could be necessary. But dangerous. You should detail your vision in to tasks. Instead of saying ‘’I want to be an author’’, say ‘’I want to be children book author and be able to write in English 101 for kids, colouring book for kids…And I will be able to do it in a year time.’’ Instead of thinking ‘’I have to finish the report in two days’’, say ‘’I will write the introduction before 9 in the morning. I will write the first two chapters until evening.’’ With this you will be accountable.

The third secret to learn time management is to think in bits, not only the big picture.

Read more: on how to achieve through goals.

4- Document your life

Documenting your progress is necessary. You have short life but you forget a lot. That is some big irony. But you should be able to document every step along the way. Write what happened yesterday and revise it once a week. Learn what took most of your time. And improve up on it along the way.

The forth secret to learn time management is note your experience and progress.

5-  Time management is a skill.

Some start is since childhood and others at adulthood. If you started early, you are lucky and you probably have it in you no matter what is happening in your life at this moment.Time management is something you practice. It is better when you learn it along the way. Improve your skill with practice.

The fifth secret to learn time management is to understand that everything is a skill and you can’t get to it if you don’t practice it.

Time management is necessary. To be good at managing your time first you have to understand your value. Then you should avoid discouraging yourself from valuing your life. Breakdown your vision in goals. Keep documenting your life and revise it to see where your strength and weakness are. Finally, keep practicing. After all life is a process and time management is a skill.


The art of living with purpose not caring about how others think of you

When you find a thing to live for, they say, you will be immersed not to care what other think of your choice. But what usually happens is otherwise. We tend to ignore the people we like and make them beg to get us. And we tend to shy away from the things we like. We blow-up chances of life. We fear to express our thoughts fearing opinions. That is true. You might have caught doing same to yourself.

Here, I will show you five reasons for living life with purpose ignoring what might people say about us.

Boldness pays.

Boldness comes along with living with purpose. A person that doesn’t live with a purpose usually don’t have a thing to stand for. They usually mumble and crumble under pressure. But if you are living with purpose that you have in life then people follow you. Back at my school time, the first year, every one was very shy and afraid to contribute since they were barley known from each other. Few seniors gods of the classes. Their arrogance was all over the place. And they were spokesmen and they were heard.

But one day I noticed how clueless they were some of the times.  When we need to decide to take A or B, they jump to the end and choose one. Then we figure out if that choice work with trial and error when the rest gives a lot of reasons for not choosing fast enough.

Life is trial and error.

There is no map for life. What matters is not living a perfect life without failure but living with purpose? What matters is how you get up and go on to the next.  When you live with purpose you don’t have to fear taking risks. Risks are usually associated with what would people say our failure. We usually fear risks for this reason.

When you first get your driving licence you were conscious of the road. It is chaotic and people are rushing. Either you fear and quit or take risk and train with trial and error. You can’t know what comes next. You choose the best out of life and live it.

living with purpose _ grand self

There are no rules. You make the rules.

When you watch super hero movies or even these action movies, you see how the actors/actresses make the lives of their own without caring what people think. They have one concept in life, and live life of purpose and don’t care what some guy says in the movie. Since they are so purposeful, they go and take what they want. They only work to fulfil the purpose of the movie. You don’t see an actor who plays dice on a street while his sister is abducted.  They only work with purpose.

When Christ comes to a synagogue he noticed people selling at the temple. He noticed that the house of prayer was turned in to business place. What did he do? He made the law there. He made a whiplash and whipped the people out of the temple. When Malcom x sees his people pushed away being discriminated, he stood up with his best ability and worked his life for it. He didn’t one bit cared about the enemy. Once you have a life of purpose, then follow each step to fulfil it. And this helps you ignore the gossip of others. After all you make the rules for the cause.

People love people with purpose.

But they tend to ignore them at first. Ignorance is a test. It is like a woman testing a man at first. It does not mean she doesn’t like the man but she wants to make sure that he cares enough. There is a quote, when you come with purpose people give you names, they ignore you, then they try to figure out what you are talking about then they will follow you.

If you met someone who blindly ignores you for your ideas and change, it is usually out of fear of losing you. If you are on the way to make a million dollars, guess what, your friend won’t like it. Because they know the result of your effort will change your lifestyle and in turn it will change you. But if you make it, you will inspire them. They will love you and follow you.

The world does not like people living without purpose.

Only people living with purpose make a difference. The rest are followers. They have no concept of living , no useful knowledge. They live life based on myth and stories.  These are all over the place. They are our neighbours; our family. They are us. The world needs people who stand out. Because people cripple thier dream fearing how others would portray them. You see how revolutionists are be littered on tv in this culture. They are talked up on as if they are criminal. But once they pass that stage and they make the point to the world, the world understands their point. They become an icon.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.—
Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher

It is up to you.

When you live a life of purpose, you will be noticed. And as Godin says, an artist’s work should be displayed. And an artist cannot paint and hide his work. That is useless. He/she will put it out there for people to see and judge. And out of that judgement that the artist will grow better. Life is like an art. You can’t live a worthy life by hiding yourself in your tiny room. You should figure your life, live life of purpose and stand by your ideas. Then the people demonize you, they question you and finally they will embrace you. And by this time, you have changed lives. You have probably made a history.

Career change yourself goals meaning of life Purpose success work

I don’t know what to do in my life : 5 tips to figure out what grand thing to do in your life

“I don’t know what to do in my life” Many people question the purpose of their life on earth. They are confused. If you feel that you don’t know what you are doing, if you are bored of life and you need it won’t happen, you are not alone. Many people are trying to figure it out. People in the first world are looking for a deeper meaning of life that could get them happiness. They are searching the secret key that could show them the trail to eternal success and purposeful life.

If you are like most of the people out there, you don’t know what to do in your life. You keep pushing yourself into over thinking, depression and over compensation of your actions by doing what things that hurt you. Forgetting your purpose and live for others as if others are better than you are.

You don’t stand for nothing because it does not matter if you choose the first or the second. It all same for you as long as they like it. Or as long as it fits. You don’t have your choice, your friends choose what you order for lunch, at least you hesitate.

This is not all new. But you should figure out your life before it is too late. I will give you five points you should consider to figure out what you have to do I your life so that you could be happy.

1-Change a place

Most of the time, where we live what we do affects our life. If you are dependent and if you waste your money living off your mother’s couch, think again. You should stand up and get the hell out. You should start your own life. The purpose of life doesn’t come to you on air like the myths. You should go and find them. The good things in life are not handed cheap, they need you dig a surface, enter a pit, wash the dirt off, filter the valuable from the rest and you shall find them in smallest form shiny and beautiful. Asking a question, reading more on purpose does not change a thing. You shall go out and hustle.

The first step should be being responsible. Even though this doesn’t make a sense, this is the path. And it is messy. You shall go through it. And think again, in the dark there is the enemy, there is the wild beasts there are the insects that drink out your blood out of your body. But you have to do it any ways. You should stand up and find your destiny. And that is not found in your messy bed room and that is not in your friend’s conversation and that is not in that rich man’s pocket and that is not in new boyfriend’s world. It is inside you and you should find it by going against the wind.

2-Stand for something

“If you haven’t found something you are willing to die for, you aren’t fit to live.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you don’t have value to live with, if you don’t have purpose to live for, you are not fit to live. This is harsh, I know. And it hurts me much to say this. But that is the truth. And the truth shall set us free. If you don’t have value in life, then set it now. The book says ‘’love others as much as you love yourself.’’ You are not obliged to love others more than you love yourself. You are told, even in religion, to love others as much as you love yourself. And even if you want, you can’t.

You should set your value here. A drug head who says he loves you or a woman with multiple partners who thinks she is in love with you, does not love you. Because she does not love herself in the first place. She does not love her body. She does not value it. Your purpose is aligned with your value. What you value in life affects your way to your purpose. After realizing this, you should be able to figure out for what to stand for. What is that itches you for long and you shut your lips off not to speak. What is it that only you are thinking about to change but no one else does. Think what is that one thing you want to do so that the people will recognize you for.

While talking about how he selects winners on a competition, a professional photographer jury, said ‘’If I say, damn, I wish that was my work, then It means it is good work.’’

Look up to people whose life is more fulfilled than you. What are they doing? Can you stand for what they stand for? Can you copy their cause in your own context or invent one, aligned with your purpose? Do something.

3-Have a challenge

Challenges make you stronger. If you are like those boys in your town who chew tobacco all day and look for clubs at night watch out. You will keep questioning yourself for the rest of your days. You need to have a target to achieve a year from now, gain 20 pounds. Lose 12 pounds, finish school before 30, get a raise at job. A challenge makes your stronger. It gives you reason to live for.

Promise to wake up at 6 every day.

And do it. I know this is very little. But this are the things that we wish to have looking other’s life. Wake up and get exercise, make breakfast and surprise your family. Run few kilometres each day.  Or write 1000 words about your life every day. Have note book and write your thoughts. Do the things that you were procrastinating for months. Stand up and do them.   Don’t quit until the day you promised yourself to finish.

4-Write your life and change it

Start a diary. If you already have it. Then read it back and see what is similar. What is the top three things that you complain about? Single them out.  You know life is vague and cannot be told as a movie that you see in an hour or two. It’s much more complicated. I know African story that father told us when we were children.

There was a farmer with bulls and cows on his farm.

Every night, the barn was without peace. The noise from the cattle could not give him sleep and neighbours were complaining a lot.  He thought for a while and the next evening he separated the cattle in two places. He noticed the one on the left slept peacefully that night. The next morning, he separated the groups of bulls that were disturbing all night. And he noticed one group was peaceful.

He kept separating the group that was making noise and fighting. You know the ending. At last he found that it was one bull that was disturbing the group and he had to work on that bull to make it useful for his farm. Life is same. You have to understand your life, figure out your purpose out of the blurred world and be it. Writing gives you a tool to dissect your thoughts.

5-You make the rules

After all, you make the rules. When you study hard at school, who got the A? It was you. When you don’t study and get D, it was you who get that. It is up to you to study or not; to be or not to be. You make the rules.  Then make the rules. One person I have heard speaking on social media once said, you have to find what you want to do even if that does not seem useful and do that.

Shape your thought, what you wear, how you speak, with whom to be and do that.

Don’t listen what the world says. Don’t listen to your hesitating heart. Design your life style around what you want to do and practice it for years. Don’t rush. What is got with time is more valuables. Work on yourself. Don’t flinch from your life design. Be that everywhere until you want to change that. Then one day you will find yourself telling your story for other. You will find yourself inspiring others. But your live starts here.

Now, I have told you five main points. To find your purpose, first you have to change your physical conditions, then you should figure out what to stand for, even if it seems silly. Then to achieve that or other goals in life set a goal and challenge yourself. And on the process, change your habit. Document your life and reflect on it and finally review your life and make the rules to design your life.

And live that life you imagined the heck out it.


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