They say success is about self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem has better access to resources, gets a fast raise at job, gets a partner faster and more.
1-Life is about making the point across
We had to learn the hard way that the world is about making the point across rather than the point itself.
You probably have noticed people with high self-esteem have grossed every benefit that exists and they don’t apologise for taking it all. They seem to claim that the world is theirs and we all are their supporters and family. They represent us and fight our wars in life. And they get all the position possible.
2-They get the best in life
A small guy from the Latin America once talked to me about his girlfriend. He even showed me their pictures(with him, making out or hugging in bed.) He seems to talk about her but the subject of the talk ends with him. His confidence made the story about him, and how lucky she was to meet a great guy like him. She was in fact beautiful, smart and even taller than he is. Her smile was so sincere that everyone liked her. But the story was about him not her.
You only get what is best by displaying high self-esteem where no one can compete with you.
Leaders display high self-esteem that impress others. High self-esteem is discouraged in the world until proven to pass the social challenge bar. In fact, every positive action is condemned or ignored in the world. If you believe the action as a norm, you will lose. The reality is that Leaders are confident, at least they have assistants with the confidence that themselves lack.
People follow those who dare to lead. We are lost soul waiting to be lead. Notice in group works, who is making decisions, who leads discussions. You will soon understand how they don’t fear the group and how they fight to lead. They are usually not starter or not better looking but they don’t care, they are confident.
4-You are unique
In the world where everyone is learning about their flaws more then their strength, having high self-esteem is a news. That’s why we are amazed when we see a strong person defending egoistic journalists on TV or in parliament or when a woman acts bizarre on shows.
No one does that any more except few. We are drowned in our own life gale or we are too scared of being on the spot light. Can you associate your name to something and be proud that you did? That is necessary.
People we celebrate are not unique or lucky. Some of them could be. Most have gained the position with work. No matter they tried to get in the position they are in, it would not without work and high self-esteem.
5-The future is with those who take it
The future is the result of continuous decisions. The fearful stays in the shell when the high self-esteem comes out to fight. When you have high self-esteem, you are not afraid of tomorrow or how every event turns out to be. You know no matter what, you will get there. You will win. And you will work for it.
TO be successful in life, first learn to have self-esteem. That makes a difference.
It was a near death like moment, sitting next to my office desk, contemplating the possibility of how life would have turned out if I hadn’t taken this path. Life was indeed a cruel tester if not a test itself. I sat there in my chair thinking about the other thousands of paths I could have taken but didn’t take. They say at the end you regret what you didn’t do than what you did. But that was not my reality. I wiped my eyes off. I feared if someone runs into the office and seen me weeping like a little child lost in the streets.
It is in that moment I saw a flash of not a light but a flash of the highlight of my life driven passed my memory in a deep dream-like state. I had no control on it nor did I fight for fearing it would vanish. And I sat there consciously, being reminded of my life in small and slight images.
I was gently reminded of my yesterdays in this world. I stood there as a separated self noticing my existence in the whole. I saw the mere reality of my worry in an identical state of mind soaked with unexpressed emotions.
Unable to speak, I sat there struggling to continue my daydreams after slightly woken up with fear and sweat. And I managed.
Why was I unsatisfied? Why did I want to be someone that I am not? Why didn’t I celebrate my strengths instead? And why did I see the half empty that the half full? Why should the world be fear of tomorrow instead of a space of hope?
I could not think but listen to my thought. ‘You can be rich. That is easy.’ The mind talked in a vague out of this world language. ‘You can. Remember!’, it said trying to reply to its own message. “What if you knock on a million doors asking for money for a dollar?”
“Improbable”, said the conscious, mentioning facts. “You will be tired., who will give you a dollar? People don’t have cash this days”
But at that very moment, it happened. It happened so real that I believed its presence. It is easy. To be a millionaire in a month. Infact it is easy to be what ever we want to be. But it is the conscious that believes what it sees.
‘Look the half full’, commanded the mind that I didn’t know before.
“Wow”, I responded with tears in my eyes. I am the luckiest in this world. I noticed myself for the first time, observing it from the very eyes of that is not myself but of other than myself. ‘People would die to be that being that you are now.’ It echoed. I was there thinking the nuts and bolts of the vague image of the mind.
What did I complain about? Love, marriage, days, morning, another day, social interaction? I am an alien with a human body.
That morning, while sitting at the same chair, consciously cried and prayed. I confessed the thoughts of the mind with the mere words that I could bear.
Then, I was in peace with myself.
I madly promised again and again to live my life in delight as if there is no more tomorrow. I pictured the life I needed and the life I wanted to live.
For the next three days, I was in same ‘trance’ but slightly drifting away from it.
..And few days later, I solved the mystry that stressed me at the time. On that same day, standing at taxi station, I called few people to make sure that the world was same around.
..And few months later except that memory of the flash, I was living on same old life, immersed in the confusion of my dream and the reality of the mind.
The idea of how to gain confidence starts from understanding about your self image. Do you need an instant confidence gain in your self? Or do you need a confidence boost for your next date or a presentation or even in your daily life?
Here are 10 tips to instantly gain confidence in your self.
1-Learn about the stuff that makes you insecure.
Lack of confidence is usually the result of being unsure of the situation that you are in. When you have enough knowledge of the subject that you are dealing with, then, you will be confident that you will do it. Learn to educate yourself consistently to become confident. There are thousands of free sources on the internet on any topic. What you have to do is to be willing to learn.
2-Believe in the experience.
The first step to any action is the objective. How to gain confidence should start from a certain useful purpose or a goal. The rest is the experience. The more you experience the thing, no matter how many times you failed in the process, the result becomes worth telling. When you believe in the experience, more than the result, then you will have more results than your expectations. And that is wired but beautiful.
The problem with most people out there is the limited practice of something that everyone has. When it comes to the social scenarios, one needs a continuous experience than a onetime big event. When you start experiencing various events then you start getting used to the status quo. The smallest things that bother you before, no longer become a problem. The third tip of how to be confident is to stop overthinking and to jump into the field and learn from experience.
4-Learn to let go.
Failure is good, when it is a result of a purposeful action. We usually don’t have the chance to see how many times people failed before they become successful. How to gain confidence starts from to not see life as serious.
Life is to be traded with. It demands a constant improvement. What matter is not failing but getting up and keeping going. Let go of the past. Don’t be hard on yourself. Embrace your failures or challenges as your assets and trade with them.
5-Befriend these whom you like to be like.
The short cut to success is to be with successful people. Period. Some call this networking others mentors. The reality is These people will show you that life is about improvement. How to gain confidence is not natural but time based. It is process. You learn that these people have failed harder and more than any of the people you knew. This made them successful.
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6- Don’t be afraid to embrace about your weakness.
Once I told a complaining girl that her life without a parent could be seen as an opportunity. The comment drove her crazy. The reality is , instead of complaining, learn to embrace the things that seem out of the ordinary in your life. If you are fat, you can get thin. Why the fear just work on your body. But if you are short you probably die that way. So why the tear?Why the complaint? Embrace that and dare to talk about your shortcomings. Teach people about it. Tell your view to the world.
If the world is dark for you then it is dark. If the world is light then it is. It is as much as you think. No more. The world does not change even after two world wars.
We make the meaning in life. Change your mind to change your life. How to gain confidence starts from seeing the world in a different eye. This demands a decision and a constant work. It needs blocking your mind from overthinking of the negative.
8- Take more actions
People who do are more confident than people who plan and study. Too much thinking and critics is suicide. We usually disprove and kill our own big ideas. 80 percent of our thought is negative. When you take actions with goals, you still have rooms for improvement. You can change your goals along the way. The world approves those with a result or with a tangible work. A musician should have a recorded work on a CD. That format has more power than the spoken one. Don’t tell people that you do something, show them. How to gain confidence needs a constant action, failure and improvement.
9- Know nothing is perfect.
You see others with fake faces and bodies and with calculated actions and you compare then with yourself and you conclude that you are less of them. The reality is that you can’t judge a thing with its cover. What is real is what is inside. There are thousands of insecure people with fake smile. Don’t compare yourself with others. That is unfair.
10- Snap your brain out of it.
The Mel’s 3 second rule is important here. Your brain is full of the negative. Unless you snap out of its failing thought, it gives you hard time. Learn to break the pattern by stopping your mind at the right moment. You are not your thoughts. Then breaking them won’t change your real self. So next time you feel insecure about talking to others, snap yourself out of it and just run to meet the people. How to gain confidence is by snapping your mind out of the pseudo fear and telling it that everything is OK.
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“What am I doing?” I asked my self siting on a dusty stair in my school years. “What am I doing? Is this life? Is this it? Why am I stressed out?” I was not sure what to do as a mute book worm teenager whose ultimate goal was to please my superiors. My life was a closed book with chapters of stress and pain. Obsessed in the dilemma of the modern education where I suffered to keep my grades high while the rest of the world having fun. Without such sacrifice, the fulfilment of desire was impossible. But no matter what I did or no matter how I got on the top of the class every time, there was a gap between what I got and what ‘I should have got’.
I remember one day my perfectionist father told us to study and get good grades at schools with out him telling us what to do. And we did. I stood first, getting better grades than the rest. Back home I was delighted , but soon to realise that wasn’t enough. That is nearly improbable. And it made an impact. This means what ever I get , there is more and i don’t have celebrate, i have to work more. (Is that good? I don’t know.)
No matter I am good at something there is more waiting for me… And I found myself sitting on dusty stairs, years after, asking myself what am I doing. Is life…?
What is stress anyways? Why am I always stressed? Stress for me is body’s pressure under the unknown. Like fear, it is a tool that makes us cross the river with great care. It gives us the temporary glitch of mind and body and assist us fight the fight with attention and fiercely.
But what if the stress become part of life? What if it overwhelmed us and makes us prisoners. This is where the problem arises.
I will show you one trick that helped many people get rid of unnecessary and irrelevant stress out of their life. This trick is called the 5 second rule of author Mel Robbins.(she even has a book on it, very powerful) Mel Robbins says “motivation is garbage”. Motivation, especially that you see in YouTube or motivating oneself does not come handy when we need them or when we are trapped in the problem. Emotions like stress and fear are not real, they are illusions created by mind to keep us safe.
For example, a classic man has to fear of the unknown or what is beyond the forest, as his life depends on it. These who don’t fear will let their way in to the forest and lose leg to wild animal or human enemy. However; in this age fearing what is beyond the block is ridiculous. There is better security today and we don’t fear ambushing enemy or wild animal. But the hard-wired fear in our DNA or stress from ancestor’s gene gets us weak in this age. (Don’t get me wrong here a little bit fear is useful A little bit stress is nice. Because that is what helps us graduate on time or get the work done on time.)
Back to the five second rule. Mel says the best way to get rid of stress, fear, procrastination, not getting up on time, not being on time to meeting you scheduled weeks before is to snap your mid out of the negative.
And she says if you can do that with in five minutes of the time when these thoughts emerge in your mind, then you can beat them to death.
Here is how you can do that.
When you want to get up in the morning and you feel to sleep some more ,don’t think about sleep or don’t stress about your waking up or even don’t motivate yourself out of bed. Just circle your hand from the back part of your head to the front side and count 5-4-3-2-1 and run yourself out of the bed. When stress comes to your mind don’t stress more to get yourself out of the stress. Just count 5-4-3…and affirm yourself or change your location or talk to people.
This technique is not actually new. Years before I learnt about the 3 second rule for starting conversation with a girl you want to talk with. The technique is basically to be unique of the guys out there. Most guys want to talk to a girl in front of them but stress out. They give reasons not to do that. ‘’she is not looking back. she is serious. Who is she with. I will talk to her if she notices me again’’. And almost every time they depart without talking.
The three second rule is different. You should be able to say anything, I used the technique as well to test its effectiveness. ‘Are you next to me?’’ I asked a Turkish girl who sits next to me on a plane. ‘’Are you the one?’’ I asked a black girl who sits next to me on a bus. ‘‘Hi’’, I said smiling with in three seconds and with friendly eye contact that silently begs for acceptance.
Ignoring my point of making myself a pickup magnet(oups), the five seconds rule is so powerful it can help you become independent from fear and stress. The secret is not to overthink in the moment. Just kill your thinking mind and do the spontaneous.
My life is a stress indeed. But it is up to me to be in a zone that I need to be. I shall do whatever to change my mind and my experience. And I shall snap my thinking mind out of the experience and become a better man.