The shortest cut to ruining your 20s is by becoming too obsessed on what is irrelevant to life.

How to ruin your 20s and what to do about it

How to ruin your 20s

The shortest path to ruining your 20s is getting obsessing on what is irrelevant to your future life: the party, the girls, the drama, the things you love: things that do not make a difference in the long term. The real-life starts when you become responsible for something and when you find your purpose that deserves your effort in the long run. And it is then you feel the existence of death, and you get fascinated with the shortness life.

But most 20s is truly a bridge between fantasy and reality.

We see the few ‘celebrities’ in their 20s all over in a media, with their inventions or small actions or music. But the majority is hidden away in front of the TV watching these success stories.

In fact, most people were nothing in their 20s. As I said the 20s is a confusion. In the vague confusion, we run around with an inflated ego. And when the smallest of the pins popped our balloon we stayed there wishing if life would have been better or different.

What is the best thing to do in the 20s?

It depends. Few have figured out their life early. However, the reality is the 20s is a preparation time for the rest of life. You finish college in your first 20s and you are thrown out into the world to figure your place in it. The debt, the consequences of a careless decision, the pressure to make money or to get a woman/man or to build a house. All make you a conscious puppet.

The shortest cut to ruining your 20s is by becoming too obsessed on what is irrelevant to life.

Your efforts become dream-like. You swim in a big ocean wising for the endless horizon.

I have worried much in my 20s. But I write to you not to worry.

Instead, your 20s should be a preparation for what comes in your 30s. You should prepare the base for real life. You shall learn the economic, social and cultural values of life, society, family. You should plan and start to become your dreams.

 

success is the ability to move on.

Three tips that create a successful person : grandself

There are various reasons for success. Time, money, mind, all contribute to your success in life, in the profession. What I share you hare are what I have learned this week.

1-Following up the vision

follow up of the vision with action makes one successful beyond the norm. I had a goal that I had to get to within this week and Monday morning I woke up and wanted to return to my old life. As much as I wanted to do something different for this week, I went back to my old life. By today, I had forgotten the plan until the small piece of paper reminded me. I received the fifth-day workout plan on email and I even didn’t start the first work out yet.

I feel that the young age deceives us with ego and false perception of time where we feel invincible and immortal. The reality is that time is flying and we are getting older. Success,therefore, is equivalent to aggressive follow up of a plan we set.

2-Forgiving yourself

After a rough meeting with a friend, I came back home to think that success is the ability to move on. Without forgiving oneself of any regrets, one cannot become successful. I noticed that the regret that he has is the regret that he had a decade before. We talked on the same regret topic then, and now that his regreat has only grown to be more real.

One reason why many smart people are less successful is due to their tendency to be perfect. Perfection is a gift and a curse. It has the power to halt effort for fear of failure.

As a perfectionist myself, I learned to believe the process, not the outcome of the result. The success of the process teaches us and the success of the outcome only comfort us. And the success of the result depends on how others see it.

We are not perfect beings and we have a power to become better every time.

3-Learn to see the big picture

Success is in the vision. What is the big picture? What is it you want to change in the world and what do you want to be known with? ‘If you don’t have something to die for, then you are not fit to live.’ Learn what is good for you and what you can contribute. Make a big picture of it and work to attain it.

plan

Why we should follow plans and how they makes us successful

Plans

A day before, I was in the zone. I was grooving, noting my ideas and my hypothesis in life. I was sitting in the café with my pen and a small piece of paper that the waitress brought noting plans for the week. This I thought could challenge all the pattern of the life in the week. It was in fact a dream come true. It would have made me more responsible and create a dream life for me that I wished to have whenever I go to bed every night.

And next morning, I wake up in two minds. I wanted to follow the plan and at the same time the other part of mind was fighting to stay on course of the past, using time and look productive. In fact, everything that I would do would not be more than a pretence of the real job. Any way I did it. I went out at 8:30 and had a breakfast, get my car cleaned and went to the office only to research on the business I am developing. I didn’t come up with that much of result. And before much was done I left the office to meet some people. And I spent more than 3 hours on the road. At the end of the day, that was it.

That was it in terms of what I could have done. That makes me think “what is it that makes a difference in life?”

What makes a difference in life?

I am a firm believer that what you think every night is a fantasy of your day and that make you better than the average if not best. Some say that the best time to think is just before you go to bed. It is probably easy to clearly think and with out fear of tomorrow when everything is quitter.  Others this is because the subconscious is awake when the conscious is tired.

Whatever you think to do on the next day, you must do. In fact, most of the things I planned to do on the next day were intense and could meet me with different people. These could help me to solve the mystery of my long time questions.

plan _ grandself

Actions are greater when done in terms of purpose. In design there is a system where one has to follow to end up on result. Some senior designers could escape the process and even create their own. But when you are not senior you should follow the general process and you know you will end up somewhere. The mistake most beginners do is to do things that does not contribute to the greater goal.

You can prepare a mood board but if you don’t have a concrete  reason why you need to do that, you will end up spending more time and without a reason. When you speak with clients, you should know what to ask. Asking about their mother or a small talk does not contribute much.

Your actions in life could be much or more than the average. But if you cannot limit them in to certain “why” then they won’t benefit you. For example, my today’s meeting was a complete loss. I have known they were fine and I arranged some business processes but that would have been greater if I had don’t something that I planned a day before.

What makes a great difference in one’s life is what has been thought over and what complements actions that make a complete picture at the end.

 

grandself , mygrandself update

# I still feel that life is so short. The life that we thought was long as a child is no more. If you waste your fun 20s then your 30s are serious ones. Then is 40. It is few years away and should not be that old. But it is. Unless you do something good that contributes to your legacy it is not enough.

# Decision needs blind action. Over criticism. self-destructs the decision. The reality is life is always s unreasonable. Its possible outcomes are not always controlled and determined. It is better to take the first step and wait to see where you stepped. And learn a better place where to step the next foot.

#I have to make random and out of the box changes just now to fulfil the plans I have for the next one year. This could demand breaking the pattern of the current life I live. And that could backfire on me at any moment.

 

 

I need a break. When is the time for a real break

I am workaholic.

I have a passed maybe endless nights in my bed room trying to figure out the work that I was struggling with all day. At the same time, I am psychotically planning on how to continue it tomorrow morning. Even on my walk I am constantly reminded of the work I have to do when I get to the next destination. Don’t get me wrong. This gave me a unique position in my work life. Bosses like me easily and I feel like fulfilled.

But recently I am feeling exhausted, I am feeling a person with 45 years of body. I am constantly tired, my eyes are fatigued, my brain freezes like a pc at times.

My effectiveness has lost way down, that I am wanted to quit my work. People still appreciates me and I could be one of the top performers of the work place. I have lots of responsibilities and I get them done on time sometimes procrastinating.

But in my own standards I am failing. I have few more months to shut down, I feel it.

If one has to believe its intuition, my intuition is whispering out get some break. Its telling me to go out of the city somewhere else where there is quite and peace.

I am planning to take a 15 days break with only an hour on PC and the rest getting physical.

I have planned to visit places, pray and think of the future.

For this I have prepared a schedule where I could follow thought out the break time.  I shall share the result here later.

More things to stop doing in life to grow _grand self

More things to stop doing in life to grow: grand self

More things to stop doing in life to grow

Don’t fear change

Growth is brutal. It demands leaving what is enjoyable and becoming responsible. It has a challenge, uncomfortable situation and hurdles to jump to become the next. Growth in life is usually demonstrated in two ways. Growth is physical and also spiritual.

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Luke 2:52 

Once one said the purpose of life is to grow. And this true in many cases. If a kid crawls for a decade, we notice and we pity of them. We expect them to dare and stand up and walk not matter how they turn out to be.

To grow in life, first, you need to solve your challenges, fight your demons. Solving these challenges could help you become a better person, a better wife, a betterfather. For a heavy drinker to stop drinking is hard. For a sports fan to spent game night with family is like dying.

We all have our own challenges and habits that harm us than help us. Deciding to stop them is the first leap.

…for example find and write your challenges and explain why and how they affect you and how can you solve them..

Today, I decided to stop doing two things, stop spending time and resources on others and stop passing responsibilities to others.

I have noticed that for the last two years I was responsible for spending most of money for food with friends. I was labelled as careless while I was spending too much only to comfort them on their grief over break ups and life disasters.

Why was I giving priority to others over myself. The more I do something for others, the more they expect I do it again and the more they take me for granted. I didn’t find earth a fairy tale space with rewards. In fact, it is a cruel place.

Then the decision is to help others to solve their own problems.

Second, I will not pass to others properties under my responsibility.

I will not give my property to others with out a pay back. Some of you might consider this as cruelty or unfriendly. However, I believe that for me to grow I have to grow out of the shell first. And my shell is too much self-sacrifice and putting finger in other’s pot before putting in to mine.

Third, I have to be out spoken.

If I become too out spoken, as I have tried few times, life would be chaos, at least for me. I noticed people blaming and criticizing me for speaking my mind. Other compete with me trying to equate themselves with me and drug me down. Life hidden is more secured, less risky. Life bold is risky but the result is beautiful.

Life is about growing and facing the weakness. Your perceived weakness could be other’s strength. But as long as you find it a weakness, then you should face it. You have to stand against it.

Change is hard. Because the mind avoids it. The mind prefers the body to sleep than work. This is not laziness. This is energy saving mechanism.  Energy gave ancestors more time to survive in life. These days you can’t possibly need much energy saved as you won’t go for days without food or as you are not afraid of finding food.

Don’t run away from pain of change.

Then the pain of solving your challenge makes you stronger and bigger.

The pain is beautiful in itself. Because the size of the pain is relevant to the size of the reward. And the size is measured against us, our capability, our DNA.

This is my weakness: being too nice, pleasing others. I have to beat myself out of it or I have lived in the dirt for long trying to please every pedestrian.

What is yours? List them down, see how you can solve them and solve them. Enjoy the process. Remember the pain can not be compared to the reward you reap at the end.

Tell us your challenge.

More things to stop doing in life to grow 

 

change in life

# Does change makes you hate the life you lived?

change in lifeChange in life

I was loyal for bosses. I was very weak at heart for people I liked. I had lost through it.

Because the value I gave is much more than the value I got. I always lost.  Does this make me a loser?

The last six months of my life was a struggle to seem useful. My worry of rushing age and unsatisfied potential all killed me inside. I had no choice but to make adjustment to my days and to learn about myself all over again. I had to throw out what I already have to make a room for what is to come.

..Life is not of a sure thing. You only take a calculated risk. But here is always a consequence. They say you at least have two options, but both have a place of a destiny of own.

The consequences of my adjustment and change in life

For the first time in life I felt like I am the best thing that ever happened to earth. I questioned myself whether I was crazy for all these years for doubting myself. I felt like I am here on earth for worthwhile project. Through loving myself, I cared for my body, spirit and soul. My worries that satisfied my poor mind could no longer be invited to hurt my spirit. I took responsibility.  I no longer can run away from life.

I started thinking about passing away.

I always have lived for the future, for the unknown and for what lacks. Everything I have known was useless since I already know it. And I always struggled to know more.

When you feel for the first time about dying then you will notice how rigid you are in life. Whatever you do in life, it is sure you will pass. Then,why don’t you pass away doing what is worth?

Why the hell would you worry about other’s opinions of you?

Who is James bond for you or who are the Kardashian for you? We are a dead being in a flesh with a mediocre breath. It is sure you will pass and be forgotten. Get up and do something or you are already dead like the Schrodinger’s cat.

I knew that instead of talking, I can give.

Instead of only reading I can write, what ever it is I can write. I dropped everything that made me in the past to create a new beginning that negates it.

 Life is not about keeping what you have, but giving it away while looking for something new.

I started to feel today.

My mind almost stopped worrying about tomorrow and started living today no matter how scary it seemed. I looked up, and like a person in a trance, I wondered how beautiful the day was ? How beautiful the sky is? where was l all this time? I went out to touch and feel my cat’s fur. She was angry as obvious.  Her presence was full of energy that I could not express with words.

I am lucky to be here.

I am lucky to own a car.

I am lucky to have a family.

I am lucky to see a new day.

The night is good the blue sky is beautiful. We are all lucky to have earth other.

I ignored most of my practices.

I limited the time I help others and focused on myself. When I started to understand myself, and tried to work on my weakness. If I had read 80 percent of my time now I write 80 percent of my time. If I had ate 3 time a day, now I eat more. If I go to places I didn’t enjoy then I stopped going. Simple but powerful.

I ignored other’s opinion and started doing what I wanted. For the first time, I stopped being yes man to my boss and told him that it was his responsibility to do the things that were supposed to be done . I stopped a girl that was continuously chatting with me while I was on my job giving her another time to talk with her. Boy, she was never  happy she was with it but it helped me finish my work on time.

Consequence of the consequence.

I started noticing change in life. I hated sitting in my office for long and wanted to finish my work as fast to be somewhere else with a clear mind to think or socialize.

I almost stopped over analysing things to start doing.

People lost my complete presence in their destiny and they started questioning if I was OK. My sacrifice for their bare smile was not available for the first time. I noticed people who walked out of my life. I was happy for them. Of course, I can’t take them back in to my life. Their deceptions won’t work on me anymore since I am learning to discriminate.

I love my self. I am the hero feeling like hugging and kissing myself. You know if things around us is made by people not better than us, then why do we feel less?  The other day, a guy was yelling for his own mistakes, I didn’t respond. I was already above it.

At the end, some People started questioning what happened to me with in the last few months.  My decisions were aligned with my actions better than before. It makes people wonder if I am deliberately ignoring them.

Writing this article, I am thinking of what is left to do. What is done is much less than what should be done before September, before my project is over. I still have to refocus on what is already done and what the results are on today before complaining and projecting on the future. Change in life made me hate the routine and I learnt to love myself out of the routine.

 

 

 

 

 

being satisfied in life success _ grandself

The notion of being satisfied in life and success

being satisfied in life success _ grandselfA friend of mine told me today about the notion of being satisfied before satisfying others. The idea was raised when discussing about marriage. She said “one should start thinking about marriage after being satisfied with himself first.” A man (or a woman) should have a purposeful life already. His satisfaction and achievement in money, success and purposeful life should be the basics for finding someone.

After being satisfied, and being in the trace a man or woman should wait for the one to appear being amazed with the achievement.

But the real question is how a one gets satisfied.

Satisfaction is a result of purposeful life and achievement. A day in the live of the purposeful living being is progress. It is a life itself in the form of the living.

Living a satisfactory life is measured based on the general goals and vision of one self. Without such a goal, it would be judging based on emotion. It is hard to say the day is good or bad since it depends on the emotional state of the observer.  To live a satisfactory life, one should have a list of things that would make him/her satisfied if achieved.

Being satisfied is actually a life time job.

…Satisfaction has a responsibility with it.

If one plans to get satisfied to achieve a certain goal, then the person has a responsibility to live as per the life style the achievement brought. Some people are too satisfied with their rich they make and they spend it without second thought.

You love other as much as you love yourself. And you see people with in the periscope of your limited experience, therefore your achievement. Then you only attract those whose shadow aligned with yours. Your satisfaction in other’s achievement is as much as your satisfaction with yours’s. The flesh and bone of your satisfaction decides on what kind of life you want to live an that kind of people you want to attract.

 

 

 

 

What is the boundary of self sacrifice?

  1. Self sacrifice

self sacrifice

What is the line between empathy and self sacrifice?

Well, it is contextual. It should be. For a hopeless romantic like Steve who has no boundary for others but who is yet virgin and jobless and his new girlfriend threatens she would leave him if he doesn’t sleep with her as soon or if can’t afford the new dress she wishes, it is a sacrifice. He gives his last 25 dollars away to a homeless looking thief that danced in front of him only to rob him . His empathic self gave him the knife and alter of self sacrifice.

I spent most of my life worrying about what others think of me, pretending and to fulfil the social self to make everyone happy .

My recent emphatic endeavour to create peace for couple with dysfunctional relationship took my time and decency away. I endangered my wellbeing and freedom through the process. 

I finally felt… they all have one thing in common: for everything they receive, they expect more. And they need you until you have something to give.

I know…life is good when lived for self first. Even the book says, “if you have two,give one.” If you only have one, how can you give?

read more on three layers of success that helps you where you are and why you are sacrificing instead of living.