The shortest cut to ruining your 20s is by becoming too obsessed on what is irrelevant to life.

How to ruin your 20s and what to do about it

How to ruin your 20s

The shortest path to ruining your 20s is getting obsessing on what is irrelevant to your future life: the party, the girls, the drama, the things you love: things that do not make a difference in the long term. The real-life starts when you become responsible for something and when you find your purpose that deserves your effort in the long run. And it is then you feel the existence of death, and you get fascinated with the shortness life.

But most 20s is truly a bridge between fantasy and reality.

We see the few ‘celebrities’ in their 20s all over in a media, with their inventions or small actions or music. But the majority is hidden away in front of the TV watching these success stories.

In fact, most people were nothing in their 20s. As I said the 20s is a confusion. In the vague confusion, we run around with an inflated ego. And when the smallest of the pins popped our balloon we stayed there wishing if life would have been better or different.

What is the best thing to do in the 20s?

It depends. Few have figured out their life early. However, the reality is the 20s is a preparation time for the rest of life. You finish college in your first 20s and you are thrown out into the world to figure your place in it. The debt, the consequences of a careless decision, the pressure to make money or to get a woman/man or to build a house. All make you a conscious puppet.

The shortest cut to ruining your 20s is by becoming too obsessed on what is irrelevant to life.

Your efforts become dream-like. You swim in a big ocean wising for the endless horizon.

I have worried much in my 20s. But I write to you not to worry.

Instead, your 20s should be a preparation for what comes in your 30s. You should prepare the base for real life. You shall learn the economic, social and cultural values of life, society, family. You should plan and start to become your dreams.

 

Time management

Importance of time management: why you need to worry about wasting time

Importance of time management

Time management is the basis for a successful life. Without time management our work is futile like sculpture without a meaning behind. The main factor that creates a trajectory for success is how one uses time, therefore, efficiency and quality of work, in a limited time. The importance of time management is not limited to production or discipline in the work environment.

Here are five reasons why you don’t need to waste time.

1-Time is a fixed asset.

When you are dealing with a load of work with various inputs and workforce, what you have as a tool is your limited time. Our schools and workplaces are competition grounds and time favors the one that respects it. When you deal against the fixed asset, then, your time management skill will tell the result of your efforts.

importance of time management: Use the limited time to your advantage

2-Time does not stop and wait.

Cliché, I know. But that is true. Time is like a river, it flows away. You can contain its footprint in to a well but you can’t freeze it in a moment to manipulate it for own advantage. What you can do is to figure your limited opportunity and to make the best out of it.

I have always wanted to know if I am doing things as per my potential in a given time. Because if I can accomplish a something in 10 years that I could have done it in 20. what if I do it in 5? I could live the rest in boredom or I could go and accomplish better in the rest day of my days. Both are not bad.

Or see it this way. You are not as energetic in your 30s like you were in 20s or younger. Time is giving you a less energy, older body, and you can’t re-live the past.

importance of time management: time passes and you pass, avoid regret by using it.

3-Efficiency

Efficiently is a reason for success. Efficient companies are profitable. When your plan your time, you will become aware of what you have to do and what you have done. You will better manage your time and you will do more in short time.

Smart students have schedules that they use for their day. They know when to play and when to work.

importance of time management: it will make you efficient.

4-Save energy.

They say if you don’t have a plan, you will live in other’s plan. If you don’t have time management skill then you find yourself wobbling around without an achievement. That is an easy ground for lazy and unsuccessful people around you. They will use your excuse and cling on you and live off of you until you become numb and despaired.

Time management helps you save yourself from exhaustion of excess work and energy takin persons.

importance of time management: it helps you save your energy

5-Success

Time is directly related to success. Without time your achievement is nothing. When you are aware of you time, you are on the way to success. Procrastination is one of the reasons for failure in most people’s life. your time management skill will determine on what you can accomplish and be seen as success.

importance of time management: you can become successful

 

change-your-life

10 simple lifestyle changes that will change your life forever

lifestyle changes

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” , said he astronaut when stepped on the surface of the moon. Some things seem to be small when done at the time but their effect has a giant impact.

Here are 10 simple but effective lifestyle changes that will make your life better.

1-Exercising

Exercising is ignored in the contemporary life style where everything becomes fast food, long office and education hours and social media. People prefer to sit idle than physical activity. However, we humans are made for the work. If you see the ancient man, they worked and produced with tear and sweat. They fought with each other on the rest of their time; they fought to tame animals and struggled through the harsh climate and infertile ground. The body cannot survive for long without exercise. A daily 30-minute jogging would make a giant change in your health, body size and even your confidence.

lifestyle changes 1: exercise 30 minutes a day.

2-Have private peaceful time.

Some call it meditation others call it calmness. And it is necessary in this fast-changing world. Efforts are nothing without protecting the one’s self. You can be the hardest working person alive, but the world won’t recognize it for you unless you live to tell it. You should learn to have a reflection time alone. Question your ways, plan your future and criticize your purpose. Here you become the master of your ship.

lifestyle changes 2: have private time

3-Cut negative people out.

Years before I met a dark woman whose hope, she claimed, was death. Her attitude about life stressed me out with in few minutes of our engagement. The more we talked, the more I discovered that she was surrounded with negative people who fed off her meek and introvert personality. These people were so endearing to her that it was hard for her to admit that. But after a few discussions, she was able to let them be independent and she became free. Guess what? Within a month time she changed her clothing and she returned her natural hair. Within 6 months, she became the happiest person I knew.

lifestyle changes: cut negative people

life style change _grandself4-Learn something new

The mind is like the body, without exercise and challenges it becomes weak. When you learn something new each day, you become mentally stronger. Learn to learn something new each day. This could be as simple as saying good morning in another language. Or learn about your cat. These simple tasks create new habits or interests in your life.

lifestyle changes: learn something new

5-Learn to make your work tangible

Success is not measured,lets agree, and is relative. Most successful people are not successful only because they read a book a day. They are successful they used the information to create something tangible. This is ambiguous issue but true. For the world to appreciate you, they should be able to see something. This means, instead of telling you are a musician, show them your clips or recordings. Instead of telling you can paint, why not show your paintings. That is where you are successful.

lifestyle changes: do something tangible each day.

6-Learn to smile and to greet

Especially the west has trained itself to become so individualistic everyone becomes a robot. We socialize on occasions. Social gestures are not appreciated. We ignore people as if we communicate telepathically. Learn the very simple art of a smile. Learn to greet people and to thank them on necessary occasions. This is the basis of social interaction, in case you are not born in the era where people used to interact physically.

lifestyle changes: communicate

7-Say “no” often

Who would have thought that a simple gesture of saying no would change a lot in life? Life is full of choices. You can go left or right. It is a matter of choice. And each choice has consequences. The amazing part is you can’t blame anyone for your choices. In this age no one can force you in to choosing against your will. Your parents can’t be a reason for your failure. One thing the world does not teach us is to say no. This is considered not polite. Here are what matters most, to say no. When you say no to things that doesn’t benefit you in the long run, then you become confident and you save yourself from trouble.

lifestyle changes: say no

Simple life style changes are the basis for a giant productive life. When you decide to exercise and to mediate and learn new things, you make your body and your mind become stronger. Negative people are bad for your life. learn to filter them out. Make sure your work is tangible so that other can see. And your social life is also necessary. Learn to smile, to say “Hi” and to say “I love y”ou to those who matter to you. In the rest of your life say no to push the unnecessary away.

 

break the pattern _ life_ grandself

Break the pattern of life to change your life

How do you change your life?

Well that seems easy when you are the outsider. But on that very moment that you realized that you need a change in your life, that is where it hits hard. You feel the pain right there under your groin, a pain that goes and comes until crumble in dispair. That is life.

“Life is a progress”, some say. It is being better than yesterday. The Japanese has a culture of not examining kids at beginning of elementary school and they evaluate performance based on progress of a student, not on its current performance at exams. Well, that is different from the west and the rest of the world where getting top is the always requirement.

So, how do you change your life since life is a constant change and complex problem when seen from inside.

Well, here is the solution.

First, you can’t change nothing from the perspective where you created the problem.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

-Einstein

To solve something, you should change your perspective, your thought, your path, everything. This is where people lack the process. They want to change their life, but they don’t have the guts to change it from a different position. They try from the place they created the problem. It is similar to being an addict. The addict vows every morning not to drink anymore and every night they go out for one drink only to find them selves in regret the next morning. They want but they never change.

For a change to come, you should be willing to change your current position in life. The change of life is a result, if not pattern of results. You change, that is inevitable. But the change I am talking about the change of being sober and living as one. Or being successful in your current life. or becoming a great football star in 5 years kind of thing.

These problems could not be solved from the position you created the problem from.

Then what?

break the pattern _ life_ grandself

Lets assume, you want to be influential person or a great writer or any thing.

And here goes your current life pattern. Every morning you wake up at 8 and brush your teeth while looking your tired face in the dirty bathroom mirror. Exhausted, you are reminded of your desk at job, your colleagues. You change your cloth in minutes while grabbing your sandwich you made last night. You took your car key running out side. Looking back to your living room you noticed the sofa you slept on after coming home tired. Things are messed up at home and you are not happy. Any ways you must leave, to the work, to make money or whatever.

That is the reality of most people’s life. that was me months before. I was not that messy, but I wanted to be better. But better than what? I wanted to be the image that I created in my mind that others could see as impossible. The more I pushed myself to be one, I was in further away from the path.

1-If you want to change your life the first thing you should do is create the perfect image in your mind.

Think of the perfect example of the person you want to be or you want to share a character. On the other side put people you despise and don’t want to be like. Summarize these characters and reflect on yourself. How can you be one?

2-Don’t listen to your mind when it tells you that this is not the time of you can’t be that.

You can’t be great in a day. It is a constant improvement that makes a change in life.

3- After summarizing the things you want to become in a year or 5.

Change that in to an action. For example, you want to be as big as schwarzenegger, then, learn to bench press an hour a day for the next 2 years of your life and set what to eat and when to it. If you want to become slim like someone you liked on media, then learn how you can work out. Call and ask them how they did it. Get their courses, if they have one. And prepare to break the pattern.

4- Break a pattern.

Here is how you can do that. Here will be your daily routine. In the morning you no longer wake up at 8 and see yourself in the mirror tired and bored, wishing to get more sleep. You wake up in at 5 because you slept at 10 last night and you got good sleep. At 6 you run 2 miles on your trade meal and bench pressed 50 and did 200 push ups in one hour. After shower, you sat at your PC, with your coffee to check your email and to write your goals and diary. Within 30 minutes you finished writing 700 words, 3 goals of the day and schedules.

The next one hour you cooked for your family or for yourself you ate while reading the news.  It is not 8 yet. You picked your organised bag and your car key and walked out of the door. And you looked back a beautiful, neatly made room with a great scent.

You smiled consciously and walk out in to the cold morning.

Entering office an hour before any one and you see your colleagues entering the room greeting you. You have finished your work by now with great concentration.

You don’t watch the series you used to watch every night. Because you need a good break so that you can wake up in the morning.

You replaced the habit of watching porn at home in the evening by going out to meet friends and new people.

Your breakup with people that drag you down so that you are no longer complaining about life and how people hold you down.

The whole idea of breaking a pattern is to change the routine for at least until you for get your current life.

To do these you need a great pattern break that could erase the today’s habit. You can take a month vacation, without your PC or communications. That is hard. You can meditate there finding your real self and emotions. You can visit new places every day on the time that you think is making you hate your life.

To break the pattern, you should see life in different way. You should decide to replace your day with completely another. If you use internet all day. Break that by not using a PC for a week and when you are back from the vacation, continue not using it for more than an hour a day or less.

To change ,you need to break the pattern of your life. This is why addicts have sober get-together meeting. It is a way of realising your fear, anger or frustration.

Learn your life closer without fear and boundary. And decide what to become and how to become. Think of the life you love to plan it. And break the pattern strong and hard that you don’t want to be back.

lack of confidence

10 ways How lack of confidence limits success and what to do about it.

 lack of confidence

In this age confidence is everything. Lack of confidence is self destructive habit. Without confidence you can’t be on the top of what you can become. Successful people including the introvert and the shy are charismatic and confident about their ability and they act when the occasion demands it. If you suffer from lack of confidence then it is sure that you are not living with your best self.

Here are 10 ways how lack of confidence is limiting your success and you even don’t know about it. 

1-You settle for less.

Today’s world is full of things that were only fantasy decades ago. The women, the men, the information, the technology, the fashion all are surplus and not otherwise. Settling for less is only self-fault, result of less self-esteem and lack of confidence. If you are comfortable living in the norm or the negative of the world, then, you should watch out. You have every right to marry the person you like. Or you have the option to work where ever you want. All you have to do is to improve yourself along the way. But if you find yourself deciding based fear then based on your capabilities, it is sure sign of lack of self-confidence. If you are disciplined sure you can do the job. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

2-You constantly find yourself expecting the worst.

A girl one time told me how her intuition of expecting the worst in every condition gave her happiness in every event. If you are one of the people like this girl, then you obviously are suffering from lack of confidence. Expecting the worst and getting the worse is same. Bad is always bad. As everything is perspective,you should choose to live on the brighter side of life.

3-You are friends with losers.

We don’t admit that we are the average of the five friends we have. Addicts think they are not addicts and they can stop any time until they are proved otherwise. Believe it or not if you hang out with losers, it means that is where you see yourself fit. Your friends are the result of your confidence level. Lack of confidence attracts you to people with low confidence.

4-You have no vision.

People with lack of confidence live in their minds. They are always trapped inside a dark shell where they learn to ignore the pain of this world. They live to pass the moment barley acting in it. They are stones of the ocean, taking space. Confident people have vision. They know what to do next. Their dream drives them. Their fear and bravery is for the sake of the dream. Don’t forget to have a vision in life. Live a life with purpose you made.

5-They are huge time wasters.

People with low self-esteem don’t appreciate their contribution. In fact, they don’t appreciate their existence. Time is not worth of them. They think that other’s happiness is better than theirs. They spent more time on others than on themselves. We all have time where we wept with a wrong crowed, only to lull them for long, that we forget to live our life. Don’t waste your time on things that does not fulfil your purpose.

6-They give away what is good for them.

Have you ever saw something and wished it for someone else other than you? People who see something perfect and think “I should give this to someone else” is probably suffering with lack of confidence. This underneath has a meaning that you are not fit to get that specific thing that you loved and someone else is. Next time when you see something good take it for yourself. It could be a person, a material, a fortune, and only when you have two feel free to share it.

7-You don’t say “NO!”.

What is your boundary? DO you have any at all? We all know one person that suffers from manipulation from his loved ones. When you do good for others, don’t be deceive, that they will thank you and repay for it. The reality is they ask for more. And if you can’t do it, they will hate you for it. If you don’t say “no” for things that you don’t believe in or for things that you can’t do, then you probably have lack of confidence. You should understand that you have the full right to accept or to ignore any event or request. You are the judge and the leader. Be one.

8-You whine a lot.

This is obvious. We see a lot of whiners everywhere: ignorant CEOs, weeping co-workers and complaining lovers. A lot of whining is a result of non-satisfaction in life but also lack of confidence. When you find yourself complaining rather than doing something, that is the moment to take care. You are wasting a precious time. Believe in yourself. Never complain even if you lose your arm.

9- You have no love for others or anything for that matter.

People who suffer from lack of confidence usually don’t love or appreciate themselves or others. Their self-love is an inflated ego resulted from fear of being exposed. Their love is out of fear of being lonely. Love is for confident people who have the road map.

Love is a result. You can’t love something with decision. Learn to be more confident and to love yourself no matter what then you will learn to love something else.

10- You have no principle.

When you find your self being impressed with the trash of pop culture and its flawed teachings, then watch out. You are probably brainwashed to give up your personal principles in exchange for the minutes event on the TV. You are better than many people that you see on TV, both ethically and intellectually. If you don’t believe that I doubt your confidence. Ignoring moral code for a blind loyalty for things that you barely know is lack of confidence.

Learn to love yourself. Believe in yourself. Your opinion is better than TV’s opinions. Don’t waste time on unimportant events. And learn to say no for some events and requests. Complaining does not do the assignment, Instead, learn to get things done. Learn to love yourself so that you can love others and anything else. Make you principles and follow them strictly. Ignore that does not fit your principles. You will be good.

 

life has no meaning

Life has no meaning: 4 ways to make meaning in life

”Life has no meaning.”

That is a great leap for a layman to define the whole in four words. What is life anyways and what is the meaning of it? How do you identify when something has no meaning?

Well that needs some scientific explanation. But that is irrelevant to this article.

I speak in terms of experience, only in terms of the limited understanding that we all acquire, but probably won’t use anyways.

My empirical engagement in life suggests that we make meaning in life as we move through. Our decisions, our actions and our interactions make the smaller images that we individually want to see in the world possibly without a grand comprehension of the big image.

So, how do we make meaning in life in the world that has no meaning.

1-We live to experience and through the experience.

What is life for you? List the things that makes you believe that you have life or the things that makes a meaning in your life. These meanings are probably your experiences. For example, your personal meaning for life could be to make others happy. And making happy involves your love life, your family life or your work life. It is, therefore, all about your experiences and your engagement in the world.

What you do every day makes the meaning in your life. My life meaning and yours is different in shape and form.

A meaning of life for some is dark and dangerous. For others, it is a prison to escape. For some it is all about the short-term happiness no matter the consequences.

I can’t tell you about the experience that you should enjoy. It is in fact true that our life is in congruent with that we call moral or immoral. Live your life in the moral side, without affecting the world negatively.

Life has no meaning; we make meaning through the experience. Live to the fullest of what you can and what you have. Identify things that you want to do based on your experiences and do them.

2-Life has no meaning. Life is living now.

Tomorrow or yesterday are out of our natural control. No matter what quantum physics or others teach, the reality is we don’t know what happens within an hour. The only true control you have is on now. You can continue reading this text or you can escape it. You can shout at the very moment or you can sit still. Or you can do it as long as the conscious agrees.

If now is the time, why not enjoy now?

Enjoy each moment. Refuse to live a second of mediocrity. Say no if it does not fit you no matter the risk.

Recently I had a discussion with a group of stakeholders for some project. In fact, some were smart people from different parts of the world. In the middle of the meeting, I noticed that most of the things discussed were not useful for the project in any way. It was not useful for me or for the project. I had to ask the boss to conclude the meeting and move on with our lives.

I decided not to waste time on something that don’t see fit my limited time.

And this decision doesn’t go without risk. I could lost friendship from some and others probably hated my bold move.

No matter how it turns out live the life you enjoy.

3-Life has no meaning. We make meaning though purpose.

To make a life meaning, always think about your purpose. What is that one thing that bugs you? Do that what makes meaning to your existence.

I believe discovering your purpose could take time. Follow your passion and do that for a year. check if you still want to do that even after a year.

In order to define the meaning of your life, define what you want it to be in 10 years. How do you want to live life, how do you want to be seen what problems you want to solve? If you answer this question. You can define your life. and the meaning comes in the very moment when you live that big picture.

Everyone has one thing that they will be known with. Some are drunk others are inventors. It depends on your dedication to your purpose. You might know record-breaking athletes with good business skills. After 100 years people remember their records, probably not the money they make. Then focus on what you are good at, treat it like your purpose and live that. Life will make a meaning.

Life has no meaning. You’re make your meaning through your purpose.

life has no meaning _grandself

4- life has no meaning. The meaning is individual.

Life is like opinion. You live it as you see it. It is the Individual that makes meaning.

Then how do you make your meaning? How do you define your life at this very moment?

A day in athlete’s life is not on a sofa but your’s could be. It is about the individual meaning and what you are willing to do.

Life has no meaning. You make the meaning through your individual experience. This means your experience makes the meaning and not otherwise.

self esteem issues

The guide to understand and solve self-esteem issues

What are self-esteem issues

Besides our pretentious social rituals, most of us fight with self-esteem issues. The story is everywhere. It is in our neighbourhood, it is in our city. The father who struggles to cop up with the son’s masculinity; the husband who have self-esteem issues in bed with his wife; A girl friend who have self-esteem issues figuring out whether he is the one; a girl who has self-esteem issues with her body size and image.

The self-esteem issues are everywhere; we all have them. We are conscious of self and we tend to criticise a lot of our self. We don’t like out circular face; we hate how that dress fits us. We are not sure of how the other guy takes out speech of the night. This is a self-esteem war. It is between the mind and the body. It is between the conscious and the world. It is a war of the unseen : it is the war of the mind.

self-esteem issues

The source of self-esteem issues

It is said the population is getting less with less self-esteem especially after world war 2, after the distribution of the media. The world knew what is trend, what is hip and what is good and what is bad. The beauty of the actress in the black and white screen mattered not only for the women but also for the men. The women still compere themselves with the beauty of the screen under the make ups. The men compere their women with the screen and doubt their choice. The measure of beauty became confused with the ideal and the creation of the mind. You see the better beauty made with plastic. The perfect models with Botox and inflated chests became the wish of the teen. ”When I grow up I need to be a woman with these breasts.” That is the voice of the generation.

The new advertisements create a Utopian world with confused message. The hair lotion is advertised with long haired women form east Europe who have never seen the product minutes before the shoot. As the ‘norm is boring’, exaggeration is the reality of the TV. Nothing is real. But this creates self-esteem issues with in the youth and even the adult.

If you grow up watching these shows and movies, you start doubting yourself. The perfect images will haunt you. You judge the girls you meet with the actresses. You love Halley berry skin colour and your white girl friend should look tanned like her. His eyes should look like tom cruise.

I recently met this girl who was attracted to me. We went out for a day or two and I was attracted to her as well before I figured out her self-esteem issues. Under the confident demeanour and her pretty look she was broken. She talks about relationship but only to fulfil her broken heart; talks of future life but from money side only ; needs her guy to have a big house and great cars. and take care of her. She was absent in the mind and she is living somewhere else, daydreaming. She is living like 18 when she is 28.

I judged her in my mind, noticing her flaws once I got closer to her. I was willing to let everything go to accept her. But self-esteem issues were everywhere creating hurdles on the way. Her body, her age, her wish and the reality created a new persona in her. She pretends to live when she is supposed to live.

How to know you have self-esteem issues

You know you have self-esteem issues when your reality and your thought gets confused. You need to go to the party but you have the issue with your looks and you spent 65 hours choosing dress, you lip gloss and your out fits. But seconds before your lift arrives, you stand in front of the mirror thinking “why am I so fat?”

Your lack of competence in life makes you a bully but you even don’t notice it. You make the smart ones suffer and you keep doing it because it gave you a sense of purpose.

Your outcast persona made you a victim. To escape the reality, you spent the day watching TV and listening to music. You don’t want your mind to be on the present since it is so critical and it depresses you. You want to escape your stress but it gets more when you think about it.

You can’t pass in front of others without getting nervous. You don’t answer questions and you don’t engage in meeting forfearing what other will say. You sit at the corner and watch when these less IQ people arguing without a point. You have a better idea but you can’t say it.

You have to go to your child’s theatre class but you have a job to do. You at least created one. You don’t to be in front of these parents who are judgemental.

This is a reality. Many people have these self-esteem issues.

How to solve self-esteem issues

The scientists classify fear and self-esteem issues as a consequence. These are the result of two areas of life: the psychological or lack of knowledge. For example, 78 percent of Australians has fear of driving.

When you want to go on a date and you notice you have self-esteem issues, it might be due to psychological part of you that is you might have traumatic experience or you have noticed somebody get shut down; you have developed a fear for intimacy or your source of comparison are your parents broken marriage.

On the other hand, you might have noticed the self-esteem issues because of lack of knowledge. You don’t know what to do next. You don’t have clue of what the girl needs or even what every woman needs.

On the first case, treating psychological case is harder. If you think your problem is psychological, consult physician. That is the shortest cut to solution. If not try to build up your confidence from the way up. Re-imagine yourself in a different way. Break your daily pattern, change the place you live in. Pick a new habit and a new friend.

If your problem is in the second one, then all we have passed in it. This is lack of information. You just have to realize you have less knowledge in the matter and get ready to gain more knowledge. Read books, watch movies, meet people, go on the field and try. After a failure is experience.

In my opinion, you should be able to create a new lifestyle that does not engage these pseudo looks and fake models in it. See people for what they are not for what they look like. Don’t be wrong here, don’t stop judging people. Discriminate one. It is only though this you can become better. But don’t judge people based on how tall they are or with their accent.

Six points to over come low self esteem 

On the other hand, stop comparing yourself with others. Don’t have ideal references that you can’t attain, although that could be good at times. Be true to yourself. Love yourself for who you are. If you have bleached skin, then darken it or love it. If you are created one legged, what can you do, you can’t make another foot. Then love that. Share that story. Forget others and their irrelevant opinions.

People spend time worrying about how people think of them. I had worried of failing for fearing how people would see me for it. I spent times thinking that instead of worrying about what i would lose through failing.

I recently watched a video on you tube where group of people are interviewed on what they think about themselves and on the other room others are asked about what they think of the person being interviewed.

The results were surprising. All of them had some critics when they talk about themselves. “This chin”, said the tall Asian guy. “I don’t like my body size” said the Caucasian girl with great smiles. This is the best part. The people on the other side said everything good aboput others. “His smile is good with that chick”, said the black girl. “He is tall” the other said. When the result was disclosed , everyone was surprised.

We tend to be hard on our self than on others. We accept others with ease but we don’t like our long nose or big eyes. That create self-esteem issues. Gary Veynerchuk talk about “finished product” were people compare themselves with the perfect image of others. A young basketball player can’t quit thinking he is can’t jump like Jordan. Because Jordan for him should his a goal not a discouragement.  Second, as the world is pretentious, what you see on others is the surface. That is majorly not real. What you know about your problems is usually real.  How can you compare yourself with others on that basis? That is unfair.

self-esteem issues raised from comparing oneself with others and with the abstract ambitions. To gain self-confidence again, you should start to be real to yourself. Respect your opinions, and never worry about what other say about you. Become the actor or the actress yourself. Set a standard. And live the life you want. Then your self-esteem issues will burn out instead.

7 simple but powerful steps to improve self confidence

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How to build confidence: 10 tips build your self confidence fast

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How to build confidence

Confidence is everything in this cruelly competitive world. Confidence is considered as the top must haves in order to be successful in life. Because it is confidence that asks the girl out; it is confidence that pitch ideas to the board; it is confidence that walks among the sheep like a lion. And one who has it has it all.

If confidence is necessary, then, how can I build confidence?

Like other issues, how to build confidence has no clear and distinct formula. All it takes is to do things repetitively until the subconscious picks it. I shared same story years before my 20s. I noticed my less self-confidence hanging around with its own unique mark. I was fearful to walk across group of people and I avoid meeting people on street. The day I decided to change that reality, i went straight into action. I intentionally wear unique cloths and sandals and slowly walk next of group of people. I practived to hold eye contact and give greetings. It was hard at first but guess what I did it. I found myself walking among a lot of people without fear anymore.

Hot to build confidence:Here are 10 things you should practice to build confidence.

1-Know that only you can build your confidence.

Years after life of dependency on parents , most still learn to depend on someone both emotionally and financially. You are the best person, if not the only, to change yourself. Unless you take control the ship, you can’t blame others for the consequence. Just stand up and declare that you are the controller of your destiny and your days even though things don’t look right. This starts with figuring out how to build confidence. You are on the right track.

2-Belief and hope does not cut the grass.

The landscape becomes beautiful with action. You should be able to stand up and do something about our problems. Instead of thinking, planning, you should teach yourself to get in to action as fast. Thinking big is good but even doing small is better. For you to build confidence, you should do what is discussed here. Only reading it for the sake of information without action is useless.

3-Break the pattern.

Before doing any further, learn to break the daily routine in life. Without changing the environment, it is impossible to change self. This is why addicts need treatment. Before any professional help they repeatedly fail to commit to their word. This is because the environment that they are in drags them back. To get a great change you should break your routine.

Use the table below or make yourself one and write things you do every day that makes you lose confidence. On the other column in the table below list when you felt less confidence last time. What were you doing at the time.

Things I do that I am ashamed of(publicly or privately) I felt less confident last time when I did…
 1.  1.
 2.  2.
 3.  3.

After filling the table, you will soon understand how to engineer your days out of the routine. If you are ashamed of being lazy for 8 hours a day while you are supposed to get out there and work, then you should change that habit. It is as simple as that. Don’t over think. Think how your day looks like and aggressively change that. Don’t you like where you live? Then change your living area at least for a month. Are you dependent your mother? Then why don’t you go away from her for a while? This will teach you a lesson. This is the secret of how to build confidence.

4-practice is overlooked.

Confidence is a skill as painting or speaking are. To be confidence you should practice confidence. Imagine things that makes a person confident. And act that way. Gandhi said, “be the change that you want to see in the world.” You don’t grow to be the change, be the change now. Everything starts now. In the middle of your pretentious acts, your deeds become reality. Get up now and stand erect. Throw your shoulders to the back as if they are stretched from the back. open your legs a bit wider when you stand and smile in U shape stretching your lips and showing your tooth. Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror without flinching. Practice these acts again and again both in front of the mirror and in front of others.

5-Stay away from less confidence people.

Bad character is contagious. It is hard to be good staying with good when compared to the opposite. The bible quotes”Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” (Matthew 7:6). To build confidence, be with confident people. That is the fastest way to how to be confident or how to build confidence.

Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals. 

1 Corinthians 15:33

6-Remove unrealistic images of self.

Perfect is boring. Believe me I am the most perfectionist people you ever meet. This is reflected with OCD and criticism in my daily life. And obviously pulls others away from your life. Instead of trying to be perfect, learn to progress. It is OK to fail sometimes. Without willingness to fail, you can’t be successful. Afer all they say, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”[quote]

Your frequency of failure brings you closer to success. Learn to become better every day than demanding to be perfect today. Follow a schedule to do things that you listed on number 2 and do them every day, but with objective of continuous progress. If it does not work today, try it tomorrow.

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7-Be successful.

Achievement makes one successful and success makes one confident. Confidence without achievement is ignorance or ego. To be confident you shall think as successful person with purpose. It is easier to walk with confidence when you are entitled to something. A sergeant walks with pride than a private.

8 Express yourself.

You don’t owe nothing to the world. It seems those you give the stage to others are loved. The reality is they are soon to be forgotten. They have no value in other’s eyes. They are the less confident entwined with shyness and overthinking. Instead those who act are embraced as self-proclaimed heroes. They save the day with humour and responsibility. If you want to be confident, learn to express yourself. Say your mind at any time. Don’t over analyse, just say it and see the outcome. But be careful to not come across others in a wrong way.

9-Learn to say no.

The less confident sacrifice time and resource on unfulfilling events. Don’t waste a single energy on what does not fulfil your purpose. People usually are like virus, they don’t get enough. They take as long as you can give. Confident people don’t give their power and precious resources away for nothing. And they give it knowing it is valuable, and they expect nothing for it. But they know when and how to give. They also know when to say no for requests. You forget to say no to failed relationship and it becomes so big that you cant get rid of.  You should learn to say no when the time is here. the secret to how to build confidence is to just say no as fast as you can to the things that doesn’t help you grow.

10-know your purpose

How to be confident has direct correlation with purpose. Those who are entwined with purpose, walk with pride. They are not afraid to speak since they think it as the perfect reflection of their urge.

Read more on purpose

How to be confident is a hard question. To be confident, one has to believe self as the only power to change the self. Then be realistic and list things that does not makes you confident. Then practice and break your daily routine with progress thinking.  It is also necessary to be successful and at the same time to say no to things that are not aligned with own purpose. If you keep practising what is listed here, how to build confidence is an easy task.

 

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I hate my life : 10 things people that hate their life do.

“I hate my life”, she said trying to catch my attention. “I hate my life, I slid my harms many times trying to end it, but I am still here. They say what you hate follows you. Life follows me.” Her voice was shaky and her eyes never left gazing the floor. “Life is hard!”, her tears preceded her.

Love and hate are two different emotions packed in the same bag. They are the fabrication of the wobbling mind and crazy days.

I once heard of the story of a hard working individual that life got him the wrong way. In one morning, moments after that he read his wife’s divorce note on the kitchen counter, he learned he was let go at the job. “I hate my life.” he was crying in the way home with his family picture in a box that he collected from the office desk. Depressed, he picked up the phone to share his sadness with his family.

Just before he finished speaking, rejoicing, they told him that he won the lottery that he had bought weeks before.

His emotions switched around within a second. He learned how lucky he was and he saw how life was good to him all this time. He managed to love his life again.

He runs to his car thinking to celebrate with family, and soon to learn that all was a setup and he doesn’t win the lottery.

The moral of the story is happy and sad are there inside you. what matter is how you see events that occur in life. “The day is boring” is not the ultimate reality. It is what your mind feels on the day. “I hate my job” is a personal opinion that reflects your interaction with the job or workplace or employees. It may not necessarily reflect a fact.

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The interpretation of life is personal. What is good is not good. It is only good for us. What is beautiful is not beautiful it is beautiful for us. “I hate my life” is a personal choice of decision.

So, if the above is true, then ” I hate my life ” is only a false preconception of reality.

Here are things that people that hate their life do and people who love their life do.

1-People who hate life say “I hate love.”

People who hate life have only one word “I hate life.” They complain a lot. They are not satisfied no matter how events turn out.

People who love life say “I love life” no matter how life treated them. Life cannot always be perfect. There are ups and downs. Leaning to the positive is mandatory.

Without this strength waiting on tomorrow is harder. Hope to help us pursue tomorrow. And hate does not have hope. Hate only gets you despair.

2-people who hate life don’t progress. They sit still and don’t change.

People who love life dare to change. Change is not a must for them. It is a tool to getting better and better in loving life. They know that with change is satisfaction and with satisfaction is love and with love is life.

3-people who hate life don’t care about dangers.

They could run into danger at any moment and they care less. I once read a book about a testimony of a soldier on the battlefield. Heat one moment noticed how one of his friends was really strong and confident while walking on a ground paved with grenades. Surprised, he asked him how unfearful and confident he was. The soldier then replied saying that it is not he was confident, it is he hates his life.

People who love life love themselves. They don’t allow a single scratch on their flesh, moreover, on their spirit.

4-people who hate life hate their body.

People knowingly and unknowingly hate their life lose respect for their body. They eat what is available and not what is useful. They do not care about their health and they get obese or super thin. Some don’t get a shower and they don’t groom well.

People who love life are always on the spot. They change clothes, they take showers on time. They keep their teeth healthy and especially their internal organs. They respect life then they respect their body. They care about their sexual health and mental health.

5-people who hate life live with people who hate life.

They say you are the average of your five close people. If you live with the hater you become one. If you stay with the smart you become smart, at least you will learn the way to smart. East Africans has a quote, “a goat who befriended a donkey, returns home learning farting.” Your day defines you.

People who love life, carefully choose with whom they spent their day. They are discriminatory. They don’t allow losers to ruin their day. They don’t care what others think of their selective behavior. They respect their intuition more than people’s opinions.

6-people who hate their life hate their jobs, their family.

It is sometimes psychological. People despise life, and they start drinking. They get depressed. They start developing a negative feeling about the necessary things in life. They forget to live in peace. They nag. They created stress on their close ones because if their own unsatisfaction. This, in turn, leads to breakups and distraction.

People who love life, love others, care for their family. They love what they do. If they don’t love it, they don’t blame it on life. They know life is progress. And they will work hard and change their situations.

They succeed in the presence of challenges. They get that degree at evening class and get raises. They work smart and get noticed at the office. They study hard and get good grades. If they hate their wife’s weight, they don’t despise her or insult her, they simply work to change that. 

7-people who hate life live discriminated life.

They get depressed and stay away from the public, weeping and complaining, only to go deeper into stress. They don’t like talking with others as they developed hate for people: they are the source of the problem. Their favorite quote is “I hate my life.”

People who love life, love people. They know people are the source of happiness in life they respect others. They respect opinions. They live to serve because they know the value of life. They don’t spend the day alone depressed when they can spend it with people they love.

8-people who hate life don’t see a future.

They only live in the past fearing the future. Today doesn’t exist if you don’t love it. The fear of the past limits the hope of tomorrow.

People who love life know their treasure is in tomorrow no matter how bad today looks. Their riches and life grow bigger and bigger with time. And their limited resources don’t measure today’s worth tomorrow’s progress does.

Summary

life is to be loved. Many people say I hate my life. This is common. Life is something to be appreciated and to be progressed through. Without this, life is not well lived. People who hate their life don’t change. They stay the same for years. They don’t respect their body, they don’t love their family, they hate others, they live among life haters and they have no clear image of the future.

People who love life don’t complain. They do whatever is necessary to get back in life. They don’t mind other’s opinions as they care about their own assumptions. They care for others; love their health and are careful of what they eat.  They love life.

 

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what to do when the storm passes and life is easier once again

‘’I will do It tomorrow’’ is a satisfied man’s sorrow. It is the way of compensating the unsatisfied heart’s desire to get away from action. You want to change but you say we will change tomorrow, you want to do it later or you want to do it as soon as you finished that talk show or series film you have been watching for a week. Life is indeed a path of procrastination.

But when this life gets in trouble, that is when everyone promises to change, until things become better once again and you forget the promise.

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We all have these days of depression. We wanted to liberate ourselves from it but for no avail. Let me share you a story here.

(For the sake of the story let the person stays anonymous.)

Life was easier, like living without will, for the satisfaction of the immediate. He lived his whole life with deep concern and purpose to satisfy. But that time was really different. He was no longer a slave to his ambitions. He did whatever he wanted. This all was good until one day a girl happened in his life. Her meek approach led him in to the trap of infatuation. Later he developed attraction for her. Her nagging behaviour and his fear of violating his values led him in to deeper trap.

His happy days were over within months and his days were deteriorating each day. His habit changed and he started drinking. His smiling lips no more could not cover his heart’s shout for a different life when his paranoia made him believe to have caught some STD. And he believed the girl was somewhat pregnant. His life became a living hell.

While standing in anxiety in his office, on morning,  his life flashed in front of him. His heart started beating, he was literally shaking. He cried his eyes off and prayed for the first time in years.

He was reminded of the normal life, how beautiful life was, he appreciated it. “I wish he said, I wish I get second chance in life and be free of the STD and the girl he no longer loves is not pregnant.” The peer pressure of the society made him fear of the consequences of these events.

He said crying, “God, if you give me a second chance in life, I would live my life like lion, I would not be afraid of failure, I will not care what people will say of me. I will live for one purpose and that is the purpose that I am created for. I will get marred as soon and love my wife and my children. Like the few did, I will live to be remembered.” After mummers of regret and beg, he stood up to continue his depressed life.

Months passed and one day he had to do it. He had to break his fears and get tested. And it was OK. He is fine. And she was not even capable of getting pregnant for health issues.

He stood there ,infront of the clinic, feeling relaxed. The sky was bluer and the wind was sharp. He took taxi back to his job place. And returned to his normal life.

Months passed again,when life is easy, his promise was soon forgotten. He even didn’t try to change. He just left everything there and become the previous person.

What to do when things get normal and life is easy.

Life is difficult for those who take risks.

These who don’t take risks live easy life. Life is easy. They live without danger. This is similar to the primitive society. Those who are fearful will stay in the cave all day, avoiding danger. Others who dare to explore, surely will get in danger. They encounter wild animals. Some fail from a cliff. Others die of hunger and disease. And these were,surely, the ones who made history.

Dangerous situations make you stronger, if you use them wisely. These are ways of appreciating the good. Because without the dark, one cannot appreciate the light. Because light is sometimes boring for many.

The negative is a reason to appreciate the positive.

When you are in the problem, it is better not to cry and go to sleep. Instead write your emotions down.

Because emotions pass but emotions in writing don’t . You will be reminded of the emotions on the better times. Then write your ambitions, your exceptions, your goals when you still are in the bad time. When life is easy again, you will read them and understand what to do without being emotional.

Next solve the problem.

When things get normal, read them back. read everything you have written. And devise a plan on how to achieve them. Let me tell you what to do when life is easy.

1-First, is changing practices.

Your habits, day-to-day activities are norms, for you to change, you have to break habit. You have to device your own way of living. You should break pattern, go out of the city, or change place of sleep. Hang out with different people. This will change your perspective and emotions. As soon as when life is easy, think how you can change your daily habits.

2-stay with people you admire.

Learning is faster when you be with achievers. These are your coaches for free. You learn from their lives. After all they say, ‘’you are the average of five people in your life. ‘’ When life is easy or even when you are in the problem remember who is your friend and how can you repay them for what they have done for you.

3-pray.

Prayer is a way of communicating your desire with the God you don’t know. It is the way of sharing hearts feeling in a way you don’t do with others. Prayer is a form of mediation. You don’t lie when praying since you believe you pray to God, who knows everything. Prayer opens the sky. It will help you see afar from the seen.

When the going gets tough people gets frustrated. They promise to change when the chance presents its self. But when life gets easier and when the time comes of the freedom, they don’t even remember their words.

To become your dream on the time of normal, your notes, your pattern breaking habits, great people around you and your true prayer makes all the difference.