Gaur Gopal Das most powerful word in he world

Gaur Gopal Das, The most powerful 5 letter word in the world…

Gaur Gopal – Smile

Famous guru Gaur Gopal Das swears by a simple mental exercise that keeps you happy, healthy, and in control.Speaker: Gaur Gopal Das

Posted by Goalcast on Tuesday, May 29, 2018

 

Gaur Gopal Dash

The most powerful five letter word in the world…The most powerful 5 letter word in the world… what is the most powerful word in the world that could change your life if you use it? 

Famous guru Gaur Gopal Das swears by a simple mental exercise that keeps you happy, healthy, and in control.

 

Watch the video.

THE HOLE BETWEEN OUR DREAMS AND OUR REALITY

The hole between dreams and reality: the reason we are unfulfilled

It was a near death like moment, sitting next to my office desk, contemplating the possibility of how life would have turned out if I hadn’t taken this path. Life was indeed a cruel tester if not a test itself. I sat there in my chair thinking about the other thousands of paths I could have taken but didn’t take. They say at the end you regret what you didn’t do than what you did. But that was not my reality. I wiped my eyes off. I feared if someone runs into the office and seen me weeping like a little child lost in the streets.  

It is in that moment I saw a flash of not a light but a flash of the highlight of my life driven passed my memory in a deep dream-like state. I had no control on it nor did I fight for fearing it would vanish. And I sat there consciously, being reminded of my life in small and slight images.

I was gently reminded of my yesterdays in this world. I stood there as a separated self noticing my existence in the whole. I saw the mere reality of my worry in an identical state of mind soaked with unexpressed emotions.

Unable to speak, I sat there struggling to continue my daydreams after slightly woken up with fear and sweat. And I managed.

Why was I unsatisfied? Why did I want to be someone that I am not? Why didn’t I celebrate my strengths instead? And why did I see the half empty that the half full? Why should the world be fear of tomorrow instead of a space of hope?

I could not think but listen to my thought. ‘You can be rich. That is easy.’ The mind talked in a vague out of this world language. ‘You can. Remember!’, it said trying to reply to its own message. “What if you knock on a million doors asking for money for a dollar?”

“Improbable”, said the conscious, mentioning facts. “You will be tired., who will give you a dollar? People don’t have cash this days”

But at that very moment, it happened. It happened so real that I believed its presence. It is easy. To be a millionaire in a month. Infact it is easy to be what ever we want to be. But it is the conscious that believes what it sees.

‘Look the half full’, commanded the mind that I didn’t know before.

“Wow”, I responded with tears in my eyes. I am the luckiest in this world. I noticed myself for the first time, observing it from the very eyes of that is not myself but of other than myself. ‘People would die to be that being that you are now.’ It echoed. I was there thinking the nuts and bolts of the vague image of the mind.

What did I complain about? Love, marriage, days, morning, another day, social interaction? I am an alien with a human body.

That morning, while sitting at the same chair, consciously cried and prayed. I confessed the thoughts of the mind with the mere words that I could bear.

Then, I was in peace with myself.

I madly promised again and again to live my life in delight as if there is no more tomorrow. I pictured the life I needed and the life I wanted to live.

For the next three days, I was in same ‘trance’ but slightly drifting away from it.

..And few days later, I solved the mystry that stressed me at the time. On that same day, standing at taxi station, I called few people to make sure that the world was same around.

..And few months later except that memory of the flash, I was living on same old life, immersed in the confusion of my dream and the reality of the mind.

hesitate _ grandself

Killing hesitation. Why don’t have to hesitate and it is time to do great

hesitate _ grandselfHesitation is a mind’s way of avoiding possible risk. It’s good then since it helped ancestors avoiding acting for fearing the sound they heard in the woods. Hesitation in this age is a liability. It kills. It is nothing more than a sign for the lazy. If you hesitate you are likely to lose. This is the principle.

The syndrome of the modern education is it makes the smart hesitators. If you have noticed it is the smarter that hesitates a lot. “Wait” the mind says. ” Is there is a better way to do it? What if someone else could do it better what if they don’t like it? ”

The whole idea of this article came today when I was asked to speak on an event. Someone asked me to book me on the schedule to speak on a conference. I hesitated for a moment. “Can I speak? Am I the best here to talk? What if there are others with better speech? What would the rest think what if I fail…” These are the unconscious cries of my mind? I know deep inside the heart I have the resource and the capability to do it. But I hesitate.

The one thing you have to think is life is a progress.

If the secret of life is really to grow, then growth is life time job. You can’t grow with in a year or two. It is continuous and life time. You do what you can do perfectly. Don’t worry what you could have done or how perfect you can do something. For example If I save to give speech the best time is now since there is no maxim of best time for it.

I believe one has to learn to respect the process than the end. The end could come out as anyway. What mater is enjoying the process and sharing it.

One can kill hesitation by learning that there is no perfect timing or perfect fit for many things.

What there is a prepared mind and body. If you’re prepared to do something and if you truly believe that it benefits others then do it. Don’t hesitate.

If you think it the best time to start your business, don’t hesitate. Find people who can help you and start. If you think you should be able to start a job, then stand up now and do it. Never hesitate. If you want to ask that girl out and if you think you should give it a try then do that. Don’t even think more. Just go and do it like a crazy person. As long as you don’t hurt others and yourself it is fine. I believe you can give a break your hesitating mind by taking responsibilities. Do things responsibly. Take calculated risks. Just do it. Never think twice. Never hesitate.

 

 

 

 

storp-overthinking-grandself

The guide to over thinking, how to stop over thinking and start doing

Over thinking _image

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.
Eva Young

Over thinking is the curse of the smart or rarely the rest. I believe only the smart has that syndrome. Let me search one more; let me see what is going on before I say something. Because the rest are talking without second thought. They talk, they shout, they insult. They start with a snap of a finger without second thought. And they don’t regret.

I have known that overthinking is a symptom and consequence of two things: laziness and smart mind.

When one is lazy, they tend to over think into procrastination.

“What business shall I start?” And they think about what is next. They know what is but they don’t want to get up and do. Then the mind gets stuck in to the ruts of the maze. The mind freezes not to respond to the hesitation, trying to protect the body from the possible dangers that hesitated the mind. They promise to sleep on it and over think, only to get stuck in the maze.

The other group of hesitators are the smart ones.

When one is educated, although not smart, they tend to become the searching type. They search for something they don’t know without specific goals. These groups know they are able to achieve and they are one step away from starting but they keep doing one thing again and again. As Einstein said doing one thing again and again expecting different result is insanity.

When they plan to start a business, they usually look for “who are the best players in this industry.” And they read everything about them. And by the time they finish reading , their idea is gone and they are hesitating again.

One thing that makes a difference in your life is doing. It is in doing that legacy presides. The rest is for yourself. It is same as that quote that I listened on a movie year before.

Whatever you think is for yourself, what every you do is for other.

Anonymous

What shall I do to stop over thinking?

When idea comes to mind, ask three questions. It is even better to write it as much as and as soon as possible so that you can revise it later.

1-What is the problem?

Without a specific problem, your effort is nothing. They say don’t solve a problem that does not exist. If you have to do something, you should do it to solve the problem that you perceived. Google is there to solve the searching information challenge they had at the time, for this they invented a different algorithm. Tesla is there to solve energy problem, no matter where they push their brands to. This is their ultimate USP. People also say, “the size of the problem is equivalent to the size of the payback.” Ending world hunger gets you much more response than ending your hunger with Mc Donald’s or fixing your leaking tap.

Watch what Elon Mosk is doing.

2-Do I have the skills to do it? Is it the time?

You could have the best imagination to create a talking robot or flying sorcerer, but if you don’t have the talent or the resources to do. Then you should shelf your idea for the next and do something else.  Be true to yourself. You are not a millionaire to do that in a snap of finger. If you can collaborate or find fund, that is fine. But if you deep down know you can’t, pass it to the next time. Sometimes wasting time on something that you can’t do immediately is part of the overthinking. Even some known entrepreneurs have witnessed this reality. Directors like James Cameroon have stashed away great movies like avatar for decades until the right CGI comes along.

3-How long that it takes to get there and what are the steps?

We all lie to ourselves and we think we are OK when our fingers are burning on the fire. We are taught to be that way. That is the only way we stayed looking strong in front of hypercritical school children. But it is OK to be vulnerable, sometime.

Be true to yourself. How long does it take to finish that project without wasting your too much time off? Therefore, not working 16 hours, sacrificing family time or personal health. And what are the steps. Remember it is easier when planned. It is the doing that is harder. Prepare yourself.

If you pass these three questions, then you are right to go. Just start it. Follow the path you read on question three. Stop over thinking. Instead ask for help. Go to people you know that are good in what you want to do and ask for help. Take advice and do it as fast and show them back. Find people how can work with you with equity or with small fee with buck chunk promise when it is profitable. Stop over thinking. Just do.

If you didn’t pass the three points and you believe you have 2 or more problems of the list, then this is the right moment to stop over thinking. Your success is dependent on tow things, on starting and improving along the way.

For this put a big simple road map and follow it. Celebrate on each time you finished a certain goal.

Finally, it is in the doing where the gold lays. No matter how much you think about a gold ore or no matter how many books you read about it or no matter how many training you take on gold mining or no matter how much you talked about it or no matter how passionate you are about gold, you are not going to own gold. The only way to own gold is to get up from that bed and go out, find a machine and people and go and dig.

Here you have two choices that you don’t have in the first option: find nothing and learn from it or find a mine of gold with crowns of prizes that you can’t handle. Just get up and start digging.

 

 

 

 

life changing events _grand self

Life changing events. How to use life changing events for good?

Life changing events are everywhere. They are around us. In fact, every event in our life has the potential to change our lives. But some events put us in danger, to challenge us and make us better.

I just watched a movie with a twist when a family moved to town for retreat and caught up with gang affiliated individuals. The movie ends with every one getting noting out of it but a little kid learning a lesson of his life from one of the gangs. He seemed to learn how to put bully away and feel better before passing through fear and shock.

If you look closer to your life, most of things that challenge you actually made you become better.

Life changing events are all around us. We can’t escape them unless we sit tight waiting for them to pass. But it is up to us how to take care of the events. You can challenge them and learn from then and become better or stay there crying and weeping for them to pass.

Writer Andrew Solomon has spent his career telling stories of the hardships 
of others. Now he turns inward, bringing us into a childhood of struggle, 
while also spinning tales of the courageous people he's met in the years since.
In a moving, heartfelt and at times downright funny talk, Solomon gives 
a powerful call to action to forge meaning from our biggest struggles.

TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from 
the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the
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i hate life _image

I hate my life : 10 things people that hate their life do.

“I hate my life”, she said trying to catch my attention. “I hate my life, I slid my harms many times trying to end it, but I am still here. They say what you hate follows you. Life follows me.” Her voice was shaky and her eyes never left gazing the floor. “Life is hard!”, her tears preceded her.

Love and hate are two different emotions packed in the same bag. They are the fabrication of the wobbling mind and crazy days.

I once heard of the story of a hard working individual that life got him the wrong way. In one morning, moments after that he read his wife’s divorce note on the kitchen counter, he learned he was let go at the job. “I hate my life.” he was crying in the way home with his family picture in a box that he collected from the office desk. Depressed, he picked up the phone to share his sadness with his family.

Just before he finished speaking, rejoicing, they told him that he won the lottery that he had bought weeks before.

His emotions switched around within a second. He learned how lucky he was and he saw how life was good to him all this time. He managed to love his life again.

He runs to his car thinking to celebrate with family, and soon to learn that all was a setup and he doesn’t win the lottery.

The moral of the story is happy and sad are there inside you. what matter is how you see events that occur in life. “The day is boring” is not the ultimate reality. It is what your mind feels on the day. “I hate my job” is a personal opinion that reflects your interaction with the job or workplace or employees. It may not necessarily reflect a fact.

i hate life _image

The interpretation of life is personal. What is good is not good. It is only good for us. What is beautiful is not beautiful it is beautiful for us. “I hate my life” is a personal choice of decision.

So, if the above is true, then ” I hate my life ” is only a false preconception of reality.

Here are things that people that hate their life do and people who love their life do.

1-People who hate life say “I hate love.”

People who hate life have only one word “I hate life.” They complain a lot. They are not satisfied no matter how events turn out.

People who love life say “I love life” no matter how life treated them. Life cannot always be perfect. There are ups and downs. Leaning to the positive is mandatory.

Without this strength waiting on tomorrow is harder. Hope to help us pursue tomorrow. And hate does not have hope. Hate only gets you despair.

2-people who hate life don’t progress. They sit still and don’t change.

People who love life dare to change. Change is not a must for them. It is a tool to getting better and better in loving life. They know that with change is satisfaction and with satisfaction is love and with love is life.

3-people who hate life don’t care about dangers.

They could run into danger at any moment and they care less. I once read a book about a testimony of a soldier on the battlefield. Heat one moment noticed how one of his friends was really strong and confident while walking on a ground paved with grenades. Surprised, he asked him how unfearful and confident he was. The soldier then replied saying that it is not he was confident, it is he hates his life.

People who love life love themselves. They don’t allow a single scratch on their flesh, moreover, on their spirit.

4-people who hate life hate their body.

People knowingly and unknowingly hate their life lose respect for their body. They eat what is available and not what is useful. They do not care about their health and they get obese or super thin. Some don’t get a shower and they don’t groom well.

People who love life are always on the spot. They change clothes, they take showers on time. They keep their teeth healthy and especially their internal organs. They respect life then they respect their body. They care about their sexual health and mental health.

5-people who hate life live with people who hate life.

They say you are the average of your five close people. If you live with the hater you become one. If you stay with the smart you become smart, at least you will learn the way to smart. East Africans has a quote, “a goat who befriended a donkey, returns home learning farting.” Your day defines you.

People who love life, carefully choose with whom they spent their day. They are discriminatory. They don’t allow losers to ruin their day. They don’t care what others think of their selective behavior. They respect their intuition more than people’s opinions.

6-people who hate their life hate their jobs, their family.

It is sometimes psychological. People despise life, and they start drinking. They get depressed. They start developing a negative feeling about the necessary things in life. They forget to live in peace. They nag. They created stress on their close ones because if their own unsatisfaction. This, in turn, leads to breakups and distraction.

People who love life, love others, care for their family. They love what they do. If they don’t love it, they don’t blame it on life. They know life is progress. And they will work hard and change their situations.

They succeed in the presence of challenges. They get that degree at evening class and get raises. They work smart and get noticed at the office. They study hard and get good grades. If they hate their wife’s weight, they don’t despise her or insult her, they simply work to change that. 

7-people who hate life live discriminated life.

They get depressed and stay away from the public, weeping and complaining, only to go deeper into stress. They don’t like talking with others as they developed hate for people: they are the source of the problem. Their favorite quote is “I hate my life.”

People who love life, love people. They know people are the source of happiness in life they respect others. They respect opinions. They live to serve because they know the value of life. They don’t spend the day alone depressed when they can spend it with people they love.

8-people who hate life don’t see a future.

They only live in the past fearing the future. Today doesn’t exist if you don’t love it. The fear of the past limits the hope of tomorrow.

People who love life know their treasure is in tomorrow no matter how bad today looks. Their riches and life grow bigger and bigger with time. And their limited resources don’t measure today’s worth tomorrow’s progress does.

Summary

life is to be loved. Many people say I hate my life. This is common. Life is something to be appreciated and to be progressed through. Without this, life is not well lived. People who hate their life don’t change. They stay the same for years. They don’t respect their body, they don’t love their family, they hate others, they live among life haters and they have no clear image of the future.

People who love life don’t complain. They do whatever is necessary to get back in life. They don’t mind other’s opinions as they care about their own assumptions. They care for others; love their health and are careful of what they eat.  They love life.

 

life is easy_image

what to do when the storm passes and life is easier once again

‘’I will do It tomorrow’’ is a satisfied man’s sorrow. It is the way of compensating the unsatisfied heart’s desire to get away from action. You want to change but you say we will change tomorrow, you want to do it later or you want to do it as soon as you finished that talk show or series film you have been watching for a week. Life is indeed a path of procrastination.

But when this life gets in trouble, that is when everyone promises to change, until things become better once again and you forget the promise.

life is easy_image
We all have these days of depression. We wanted to liberate ourselves from it but for no avail. Let me share you a story here.

(For the sake of the story let the person stays anonymous.)

Life was easier, like living without will, for the satisfaction of the immediate. He lived his whole life with deep concern and purpose to satisfy. But that time was really different. He was no longer a slave to his ambitions. He did whatever he wanted. This all was good until one day a girl happened in his life. Her meek approach led him in to the trap of infatuation. Later he developed attraction for her. Her nagging behaviour and his fear of violating his values led him in to deeper trap.

His happy days were over within months and his days were deteriorating each day. His habit changed and he started drinking. His smiling lips no more could not cover his heart’s shout for a different life when his paranoia made him believe to have caught some STD. And he believed the girl was somewhat pregnant. His life became a living hell.

While standing in anxiety in his office, on morning,  his life flashed in front of him. His heart started beating, he was literally shaking. He cried his eyes off and prayed for the first time in years.

He was reminded of the normal life, how beautiful life was, he appreciated it. “I wish he said, I wish I get second chance in life and be free of the STD and the girl he no longer loves is not pregnant.” The peer pressure of the society made him fear of the consequences of these events.

He said crying, “God, if you give me a second chance in life, I would live my life like lion, I would not be afraid of failure, I will not care what people will say of me. I will live for one purpose and that is the purpose that I am created for. I will get marred as soon and love my wife and my children. Like the few did, I will live to be remembered.” After mummers of regret and beg, he stood up to continue his depressed life.

Months passed and one day he had to do it. He had to break his fears and get tested. And it was OK. He is fine. And she was not even capable of getting pregnant for health issues.

He stood there ,infront of the clinic, feeling relaxed. The sky was bluer and the wind was sharp. He took taxi back to his job place. And returned to his normal life.

Months passed again,when life is easy, his promise was soon forgotten. He even didn’t try to change. He just left everything there and become the previous person.

What to do when things get normal and life is easy.

Life is difficult for those who take risks.

These who don’t take risks live easy life. Life is easy. They live without danger. This is similar to the primitive society. Those who are fearful will stay in the cave all day, avoiding danger. Others who dare to explore, surely will get in danger. They encounter wild animals. Some fail from a cliff. Others die of hunger and disease. And these were,surely, the ones who made history.

Dangerous situations make you stronger, if you use them wisely. These are ways of appreciating the good. Because without the dark, one cannot appreciate the light. Because light is sometimes boring for many.

The negative is a reason to appreciate the positive.

When you are in the problem, it is better not to cry and go to sleep. Instead write your emotions down.

Because emotions pass but emotions in writing don’t . You will be reminded of the emotions on the better times. Then write your ambitions, your exceptions, your goals when you still are in the bad time. When life is easy again, you will read them and understand what to do without being emotional.

Next solve the problem.

When things get normal, read them back. read everything you have written. And devise a plan on how to achieve them. Let me tell you what to do when life is easy.

1-First, is changing practices.

Your habits, day-to-day activities are norms, for you to change, you have to break habit. You have to device your own way of living. You should break pattern, go out of the city, or change place of sleep. Hang out with different people. This will change your perspective and emotions. As soon as when life is easy, think how you can change your daily habits.

2-stay with people you admire.

Learning is faster when you be with achievers. These are your coaches for free. You learn from their lives. After all they say, ‘’you are the average of five people in your life. ‘’ When life is easy or even when you are in the problem remember who is your friend and how can you repay them for what they have done for you.

3-pray.

Prayer is a way of communicating your desire with the God you don’t know. It is the way of sharing hearts feeling in a way you don’t do with others. Prayer is a form of mediation. You don’t lie when praying since you believe you pray to God, who knows everything. Prayer opens the sky. It will help you see afar from the seen.

When the going gets tough people gets frustrated. They promise to change when the chance presents its self. But when life gets easier and when the time comes of the freedom, they don’t even remember their words.

To become your dream on the time of normal, your notes, your pattern breaking habits, great people around you and your true prayer makes all the difference.

 

 

 

 

How to let go of the past

How to let go of the past and create a whole new life

We all have a time and place we had a traumatic experience where we could not anticipate moving forward. I know a person who failed in front of VCs while presenting his start-up and promised never to go public again;  people who failed classes once and fear never to be at school. I know kids who were bullied at school and hate learning for it.

The world is created that way. The media celebrates who succeeds and hates who fails.

People don’t let go of the past for three main reasons

1- The past has some horror in it.

I once was emotional in front of a friend telling him how I hate my little perfect looking life. I was terribly worried about how the future turns out to be thinking of my shaky past. He immediately stopped me and told me that I have two choices in life: to cry about it and stay there for the rest of your life or stand up, stop whining and create a new life.

I have passed most of life trying to please my high standard mind. And I had to get the perfect thing out of my work, which is sometimes impossible. My days of thinking about perfection created horror in the closet, which made me fear of going into them.

2- The past has a failure in it.

Most people don’t start because of fear. Fear of failure. Failure has two faces: psychological and emotional. The psychological one is more of in the mind. This happens in people who have a permanent mark on their mind because of abuse, accident. The emotional is the general fear of something. When people do they fear what people say about them. It is amazing in this age people who don’t do are comfortable and people who do worry about what others would think. Opposing, the saying a wet person does not fear the rain, most cling to the past as a benchmark or their future.

3- The past took their energy.

There are energy-intensive people, events. There are horror spouses, there are energy taking works. If you find yourself abused and sacrificing your time and yourself into helping others without helping yourself it possible you would fear the future. Someone was telling me how he could not have a girlfriend because of 6 years because his girlfriend of 2 years betrayed him and left him for someone else. He was not only sad because of losing her but he thought he does not have the energy anymore to have a new girlfriend.

4- There are constant reminders of the past in your area.

If you break up with your boyfriend in your current apartment, and you have been depressed in it for months, then it is possible that the room is killing you. Our mind works in an association. Sometimes it associates events with places that have no direct relevance with.

5- The past is comfortable.

This is the opposite. When a kid stays for 40 years in his parents’ house, this could be a sign of comfort, if not a sign of being a loser. I remember when an elder person tells a mother to not give dinner for their 30 years old child who happens to live with her. He thought this would push him out to have his own life. When your past is comfortable in your head and when you can’t change, this is the time to change.

6- You fear the unknown.

I don’t know why we fear the future. In fact, most smart people do fear the future. Life is to be lived with trial and errors, except on life and death issues. We fear whether if she is the one, whether the job we have is the right one, whether to change our location or not.

I have always wanted to mold out of the scale of the world that holds me back. I have classified my life into smaller bits to see if I could see any gaps of light that could explode the whole thing and put me in a new universe. Change is not as easy as it was as a child.  We knew we were changing when we pass from class to class when we grow pubic hair when we change shoe size…

But after we grow life seems to go blind, slow, killing us away. I have figured out three ways to how to let go of the past and build the future.

1-The past is an issue only for overthinkers.

Overthinkers make something, but after washing the lovely part of their life. Overthinking is the new way to down. Overthinkers are procrastinators. They don’t start something until it is perfect. If you are dreaming the future by basing your data on your past failure, you mightn’t go further. This takes us to point two.

2-The past is a lesson.

If you have failed in the past, you are one step ahead from the rest. You have tested one way that will lead to failure. This is what Edison said at the end of thousands of similar experiments. You should find a way to learn from your past. Don’t run from them. Face them. Sit tight and write the. And figure out where the fault lies. And practice not to do them again. How to let go of the past starts by believing the past is just a lesson.

3- When you fail people will laugh.

This is wrong. How many times have you laughed when someone else failed. If you’re like the immature gigs on the internet then you have done it for a while. But is you being that decent guy with a passion for life then you probably pity them? Life is full of failure, ups, and downs. Your failure is news for others, it is additional marketing. What if Elon Musk fails in his space x venture. The media would talk about him for a week or two then what? Then his failure is forgotten. Everyone will be waiting for what he would do next. The world is on his side because he tried and failed. How to let go of the past starts from believing that people are not bothered with your failure but with your success.

4-Get rid of the reminders.

If you still hung your ex-husband’s picture in them idle of the living room, then you are living in the past. If you can’t get rid of the car you had an accident with and you developed a fear of driving, get rid of that car. How to let go of the past starts with starting fresh. If you have lost friends who live in the past and remind you of your past cut them out. Start fresh.

Then do the following actions.

1-decide to change. A decision is hard to follow.

2-change where you stay.

Go to people like you who need change. Share your life. Share your story. Promise to change.

3-Destroy everything that pulls you back.

Change your house if you have to. Change your style and even your friends.

4-Write or record your journey and share it to the world, not all of them.

Write everything that you learned on How to let go of the past. Note your challenges and how you solved them or even your emotions. This will give you a reference to your progress.

5-life is progress.

Believe me, you can’t throw all the garbage away within a day or two or even a year. But through your grinding, you will find yourself being a changed person. Good luck with your present and future. How to let go of the past and create a whole new life continuous with believing that you can become better in time. And past doesn’t define who you are.

bully _ grandself

7 deadly signs that you are living with a bully and the fastest way out

Your good deeds are defined against the perspective of others. Your dreams are dreamt in terms of other’s dreams. If you want to live a safe life, get away from people. If you want to live a strong life, filter your people.

Are you living with a bully, abuser, control freak? You name it.

Here are watch out signs that you are probably living with a bully and you are losing a lot in life.

1-They expect perfection from you and they are not even commited to smallest things in their life.

A father once punished his daughter for losing a penny. And only within a week, coming back from work with his salary in his front pocket, he was robbed. He didn’t even realized that he was robbed until he gets home. People shouldnot demand perfection out of you. Failure is a nature’s way of survival. A drying leaf is not dead until one collects it in to abag. It fertilizest the ground with its death. We can’t live without failure. We can’t grow without it. People cannot shut you down, shame you for long for making a mistake.

2-They kick you on the curb for your honest opinions.

You can’t say your heart when you are with them. They will belittle you when you start speaking what you have on mind and they ignore your mind, your ideas. They bully you out of pure intention of despairing you form further talking. You feel so little or betrayed when you are with them. You live with them for fearing the future that they made for you. They will tell you to leave if you want but you can’t leave because they have made you the lowest form of yourself.

3-They don’t like you when you are soft.

They will tell you to speak up not to help you do but to reflect their failing character on you and show you their superiority.

bully _ grandself4-They draw fear on you.

You are constantly bombarded with insults. They compare you with others, friends, families ,and tell you that you are worse. You are the worst daughter they have. You are one of the stupidest students that the school had. You have no life and no future. you should start looking for jobs at gas station. And you now living that life you are told you would live.

5-They have compulsive character.

They start their day with sadness, compliant or maybe with drinks. They curse they break things and they make you the reason for their failure life.  “Bob, come and see what you did.” You come in and see your pen is on the floor. “Bob come and see what you did!” You come in and see the table cloth is falling. “Bob come and see what you did!” The tv is still on and you don’t know who put it on. They constantly bombard you with their perfection demanding critics.

6-They tell you to do something and you do it.

You have no opinion on the matter and they tell you to shut up and sit tight aggressively or smoothly when you speak on a meeting, against your boss’s opinion. You are out of the game unless you are a ‘yes man’. Your opinion does not matter and your presence is to serve their “superior” ideas. You have no enough payback no matter what your effort is. You are told to do something and you do it. You are in fear of speaking up or do it in your own way, fearing you would be fired.

7-They have been physical on you.

I knew a guy with bruises on his arms. I was wondering what had happened to him looking at his arm under his short sleeves. But didn’t. My imagination escaped and I answered myself he probably hurt himself. He noticed and said.  “My wife is strong”.

I didn’t get it. “What do you mean?”, I smiled?

“When my wife is unhappy, she beats me.” What a confused little guy!  It is love after all he gasped and leave the bathroom. He lives with a bully and he does not know.

You may one day look back and see what made you this way.  We are not created to fail. We can’t fail. After all, we human beings make the hurdles. We can’t fail the huddles made by these who are not better than us, as jobs once said. There is nothing new in this world. If you think it thought it is not you’re stupidly that makes you failure in school. It is probably your upbringing and you had no one to discipline you.

It is not usually your fault for making bad choices in life, it is your lack of knowledge and way of thinking. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. That is disrespectful. That is outrageous. Don’t fight back. That is the continuation of the bad character. But stand up for once and have time to think what you can do. And do it. You can’t live with a bully and hope they will be angels one day. Just get out, run and don’t look back.

stress _ grandself

How to beat worry and stress with the five second rule

stress _ grandself

Stress

“What am I doing?” I asked my self siting on a dusty stair in my school years. “What am I doing? Is this life? Is this it? Why am I stressed out?” I was not sure what to do as a mute book worm teenager whose ultimate goal was to please my superiors. My life was a closed book with chapters of stress and pain. Obsessed in the dilemma of the modern education where I suffered to keep my grades high while the rest of the world having fun. Without such sacrifice, the fulfilment of desire was impossible. But no matter what I did or no matter how I got on the top of the class every time, there was a gap between what I got and what ‘I should have got’.

I remember one day my perfectionist father told us to study and get good grades at schools with out him telling us what to do. And we did. I stood first, getting better grades than the rest.  Back home I was delighted , but soon to realise that wasn’t enough. That is nearly improbable. And it made an impact. This means what ever I get , there is more and i don’t have celebrate, i have to work more. (Is that good? I don’t know.)

No matter I am good at something there is more waiting for me… And I found myself sitting on dusty stairs, years after, asking myself what am I doing. Is life…?

What is stress anyways? Why am I always stressed? Stress for me is body’s pressure under the unknown. Like fear, it is a tool that makes us cross the river with great care. It gives us the temporary glitch of mind and body and assist us fight the fight with attention and fiercely.

But what if the stress become part of life? What if it overwhelmed us and makes us prisoners. This is where the problem arises.

I will show you one trick that helped many people get rid of unnecessary and irrelevant stress out of their life. This trick is called the 5 second rule of author Mel Robbins.(she even has a book on it, very powerful) Mel Robbins says “motivation is garbage”. Motivation, especially that you see in YouTube or motivating oneself does not come handy when we need them or when we are trapped in the problem. Emotions like stress and fear are not real, they are illusions created by mind to keep us safe.

For example, a classic man has to fear of the unknown or what is beyond the forest, as his life depends on it. These who don’t fear will let their way in to the forest and lose leg to wild animal or human enemy. However; in this age fearing what is beyond the block is ridiculous. There is better security today and we don’t fear ambushing enemy or wild animal. But the hard-wired fear in our DNA or stress from ancestor’s gene gets us weak in this age. (Don’t get me wrong here a little bit fear is useful A little bit stress is nice. Because that is what helps us graduate on time or get the work done on time.)

Back to the five second rule. Mel says the best way to get rid of stress, fear, procrastination, not getting up on time, not being on time to  meeting you scheduled weeks before is to snap your mid out of the negative.

And she says if you can do that with in five minutes of the time when these thoughts emerge in your mind, then you can beat them to death.

Here is how you can do that.

When you want to get up in the morning and you feel to sleep some more ,don’t think about sleep or don’t stress about your waking up or even don’t motivate yourself out of bed. Just circle your hand from the back part of your head to the front side and count 5-4-3-2-1 and run yourself out of the bed. When stress comes to your mind don’t stress more to get yourself out of the stress. Just count 5-4-3…and affirm yourself or change your location or talk to people.

This technique is not actually new. Years before I learnt about the 3 second rule for starting conversation with a girl you want to talk with. The technique is basically to be unique of the guys out there. Most guys want to talk to a girl in front of them but stress out. They give reasons not to do that. ‘’she is not looking back. she is serious. Who is she with. I will talk to her if she notices me again’’. And almost every time they depart without talking.

The three second rule is different. You should be able to say anything, I used the technique as well to test its effectiveness. ‘Are you next to me?’’ I asked a Turkish girl who sits next to me on a plane. ‘’Are you the one?’’ I asked a black girl who sits next to me on a bus. ‘‘Hi’’, I said smiling with in three seconds and with friendly eye contact that silently begs for acceptance.

Ignoring my point of making myself a pickup magnet(oups), the five seconds rule is so powerful it can help you become independent from fear and stress. The secret is not to overthink in the moment.  Just kill your thinking mind and do the spontaneous.

My life is a stress indeed. But it is up to me to be in a zone that I need to be. I shall do whatever to change my mind and my experience. And I shall snap my thinking mind out of the experience and become a better man.